My son is on their honeymoon and wants to live with them. The new wife has a lot of money and a fancy black sports car which I cannot compete (nor do I want to) with. My 12 year old son is enamoured with this new life style. How do I cope with the pain?
2006-08-24 08:13:16 · 19 answers · asked by dotsycat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well then DO IT! Don't talk about it just DO IT! Alcohol was probably a big factor in your break-up. It has ruined your life so far...do you need an excuse? The choice is yours, drink yourself into death if that's all you want in life. Then your son will have the yoke of pity and guilt for the rest of his life because you were too selfish to give up the juice.
Who says you have to compete? YOU DO! You are the one competing for what? Your husband has left you and has moved on. If you go back to the juice then you will have validated all of his reasons for divorcing you.
Your son should be with his Dad. Boy's likek to be with their Dad at this age. It's normal and natrual. Give your sone his space and get on with YOUR life! He would only be with you for four more years anyway. Allow him to go live with his Dad guilt free if he wants to and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!
You can drink if you want...but if you do then it will be your choice and your life to do. You are in control of your destiny!
Good Luck
2006-08-24 08:23:30 · answer #1 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off you're a recovering alcoholic who's doing a great job so far as you haven't been drinking for the past 7 months.that's progress.your ex has moved on with his life and the fact that his new wife has a sports car doesn't make her any better than you .teenage kids are always enamored by fancy cars whether they belong to stepmoms or otherwise so that shouldn't make u one bit jealous.he loves you for you and for all the good values u instilled in him and not for anything that u own.
if your sons r taken by this fancy life for now i'm sure they'll notice soon enough that what ugive them is something that money can never buy.
just u get your life back together and stand tall and hopefully everything will all back into place:)
2006-08-24 08:27:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been a very long time since I looked at AA as a way to "just not drink" - it's about a way of living where I don't have to take a drink to be able to live with myself. I can live a life that is "usefully whole". It wasn't and isn't and overnight matter. There are still days that I don't want to do that daily inventory and admit when I'm wrong and go clean up the mess that I've made. Depending upon my state of mind, I come to the times where I don't want to talk to someone else about what's on my mind and in my heart - other days I leap for it. I don't like having to "rat myself out to my sponsor", but I know that I'm going to like the results that happen afterwards. There are times I need to take action when I want to sit on my butt, and there are times that I need to sit on my butt when I want to take action. I can't fix a problem in my mind with the same mind that created the problem.
Today I know not only that I am Loved, I know that I can Love - and it wasn't always like that.
2006-08-24 08:31:07 · answer #3 · answered by Terry L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your son enamoured, any kid would be. But don't allow him to move in with them because he likes the material posessions. He'll be mad at you for it but he'll grow out of it. But don't start drinking again because your feeling bad about yourself... your better than that. Money and sport cars don't make you a better person. Being incontroll of yourself does. Don't let it bother you, You can rise above it like you did 7 months ago.
2006-08-24 08:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by CLM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for you now. You are free. Don't jeopardize your sobriety by this. Look at the glass as half full instead of half empty. It all depends on how you want to look at life. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, let your son live with them, independence for you for a while. Continue your relationship with you son as always. But do not go back to drinking, this will jeopardize your relationship with your son. Work on that. No one can replace you as a mother. Just be the best mother you know how to be.
good luck.
2006-08-24 08:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a deep breath and think about what it took for you not to drink for 7 months. Go to an alcoholic anonymous classes. Have your friends and family be supportive to you. Seek some counseling for the deeper issues about your ex being married. Drinking your life away will not make things better for you. It will get much worse if you allow it to. Best of luck w/the important decisions you make.
2006-08-24 08:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son was 11 when his dad abandoned us for someone else. For awhile my son was caught up with all the lovely gifts, holiday trips, and nice big house his dad now lived in.
However, as my son matured, he realized that all these trappings were nothing in comparison to the fact that his dad just did not really care about him at all but was only using him to get back at me and show off.
It was a hard lesson for my son to learn, but now he is a senior in college about to begin a career as a FAMILY COUNSELOR. I could not be prouder of him.
Give your son time....he will come to realize that real love is everything and all this other stuff is just 'show off'. And when he does realize it, he will come to you for the true love and respect he needs. And you want to be there for him when he comes in the door......not in a bar or a bottle.
Good luck.
2006-08-24 08:23:33 · answer #7 · answered by Puzzler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run to the next AA meeting!! Then after that remind yourself how great you are for having not drank in 7mths. Having a mom that is sober is more important than fancy cars and things, and he will see that love is better than money, but your gonna have to stay sober to show him all the love you have for him. Let him live with his dad for awhile I am sure he will want to come back to mom's. As long as your sober. So stay cool.
2006-08-24 08:29:45 · answer #8 · answered by nanny2jada 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never give up your sobriety... When we feel sorry for ourselves is when we are at our lowest point. Drinking is a way of picking on ourselves without letting anyone else see. Stop mentally bashing yourself!!! You are an excellent Mother, and your son will see with his own eyes what it means to be a good person just by watching you.. Keep the faith & God bless
2006-08-24 08:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by Not Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too had drinking problem for years but just layed it down one day. I married a women whom I loved dearly even tho she had drug problem and mental issues. I quit drinking to be an example for her. We just seperated again and it will end in divorce but I dont want to turn to drink. I may not find anyone who wants someone trust worthy or respects women ,but i will be sober. I also turned to Christ. I'm not what you would call overly religious,but found that at least I had somewhere to turn. Don't do like me trying to compete or buying love. It got me nowhere. Just try copeing day to day. Try to find someone who is good listener. It helps
2006-08-24 08:21:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋