Ah, please don't hate me for asking it, this question has troubled me for a long time...?

Question

Suppose you are a guy (and a top) looking for a long term relationship with another guy. Now, you meet Mr. Perfect at a park. How do you know that he is a bottom? Do you just ask him at the first day? I mean, wouldnt it be weird to develop a sexual relationship between two tops? Or is there any ways to tell whether a guy is a top or bottom?
Please, do hate me for asking it.

would it be polite for us to ask a guy whether he is top or bottom?

Answer 1

I do not hate you. Your question is relevant for bottoms as well (imagine a relationship between two bottoms).

I mention it, especially if the conversation turns to sex.
"I prefer being the bottom. How 'bout you?"

Answer 2

If you are talking about a trick, ask early so you don't waste both of your time. I would not have a relationship with someone that only went top or bottom. I made that mistake when I was younger. Because of two lousy well equiped tops, i refused to bottom for 9 years. It's funny that most heavily equiped men are big ole bottoms. Then I met someone that knew what they were doing, and i saw what I was missing. A relationship is about sharing and making the other person feel good. Also, bottoming made me a better top and topping made me a better bottom. If you think the best part of sex is when you get off, you are a beginner. And anyone under 30 that thinks they are all that sexually, you definately have a lot to learn. My ex was 15 years younger and couldn't keep up. He usually wasn't good for more than 3-4 hours. Oh yeah, if you measure sex by the minute, I pity you. They should be teaching foreplay in high school, maybe that would save marriages and lower the divorce rate.

Answer 3

It is possible for two tops to have a meaningful relationship - relationships are not all about the sex. There are a lot of guys that are versatile, they are mostly top or bottom by preference, but switch. There are also gay men that have sexual relationships that do not involve anal sex at all.

To find out a guys sexual preference, you generally have to ask at some point as the relationship develops.

Answer 4

No reason to hate you, you're just curious. There is no way to tell who is a top or bottom by just looking at them. Obviously two tops won't make a perfect match, so one of the two, if they are really a perfect for each, other would have to make the sacrifice and try something new for the relationship.

Answer 5

That's an interesting question. If you were looking for a long-term relationship I think it would be rude to ask such a question upon meeting someone for the first time. The only appropriate option I see is to take it slow, get to know each other, and see what develops. If everything else clicks and you discover this "incompatibility" you'll need to decide whether or not it is a deal breaker. Emotional attachment may challenge each person's asserted position, sending everything head over heels. ;-)

Answer 6

If he seems like the perfect guy does it really matter if he is a top or a bottom? I'm a lesbian so I might not know how gay male relationships but work out but wouldn't you two be able to compromise if you both ended up being either top or bottom?

Answer 7

Is being a top or bottom exclusive? I mean if you really fall head over hells (no pun intended) for a guy and feel like this is the ONE I could spend the rest of my life with couldn't you work on the sex part of it? To say oh "I love you, but I can't be with you because we are both bottoms" is kind of silly. You could be a little flexible when it comes to sex. Try different things, you may really enjoy yourself. All I'm saying is, if you like someone that much then the sex part will work it's self out.

Nobody should hate you for asking this. If they do it's their issue - why are they here anyway?

Answer 8

Hi Travis,
This is an excellent question, and one that many are afraid to ask, so think of yourself helping out the misguided masses of the world. For those out there that think this is TMI, file it under useless trivia in your closed little minds... Now, back in the day, there was a system of wearing a certain colored bandanna in your back pocket, and that was your "advertisement" as to what you were looking for... fortunately I'm not nearly old enough to recall all of them, but unfortunately I'm old enough to know that it existed. For example, a yellow bandanna meant you were into water sports, brown was scat,, blue was oral, and I forgot whether your left pocket meant passive and right was active, etc... In today's world, I doubt if anyone would know what you were doing anyway... so you have to slip in gently into the conversation, or play it by ear. I would suggest being flexible enough to do either, or know enough different positions, that you don't always wind up on bottom.... Good Luck

Answer 9

The problem really is not if two tops come together that really love each other. More than likely they could each become versatile.

The problem is when two bottoms get attracted to each other! But if two bottoms really fell for each other and would be with no one else - they would work something out.

Anyway, Travis, gay men arn't as scared to say what they are around each other as they may be in front of straight people. I don't tell straight people my preference. With gays it is not too much of an issue.

As a gay man has more and more encounters, he discovers his likes. As he meets new people, he learns how to prequalify them.

Answer 10

Whether you are two tops or two bottoms makes no difference. There are ways around that when it comes to sex. Just be glad that you found Mr. Perfect. Not everyone has that kind of luck.