Ex-husband was very self-centered and distant all the time. He is in counseling now. Do you think he might change?
2006-08-24 07:33:28 · 22 answers · asked by Ms. Cranky 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why do I care, I am not sure. I think mostly because I can't get over the fact that even though I have that piece of paper saying we are divorced, that we took vows before God that united us. I guess that sounds pretty silly. We have only been divorced for 5 months and he says he still loves me and thinks he can fix it. I know its not that simple. I am not sure what I feel for him, hurt mostly.
2006-08-24 08:03:02 · update #1
Yes its possible for people to change. In fact they change all the time. You won't hear about changes for the better though.
As far as your ex goes he is not the only one who requires change if you are thinking about getting back together. You will have to change your opinion of him.
2006-08-24 08:10:19 · answer #1 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible for people to change, but it is not easy. A lot of people will give up because changing is painful and they don't want to face the pain. If the person REALLY, REALLY wants to change and is willing to go through the hard work of changing, they can do it. In most cases, change does not happen overnight. It takes time.
How long has he been in counseling? If it's only been a week or two, you should definitely give it a lot more time before believing that he has changed.
My advice.......proceed with MUCH caution and don't believe he has changed until you see a lot of evidence over a long period of time. If it is possible, at some point (if he allows it) you might want to sit in on one of his counseling sessions and ask the counselor whether or not he or she thinks your ex-has changed. Of couse, you would have to have his permission to do this.
2006-08-24 14:48:00 · answer #2 · answered by Rose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly wants to change, he will. Counseling will help him sort out his feelings and find out why he's been behaving in this manner. Obviously, he recognizes there is a problem. Give him a chance, if after all is said and done, he doesn't change, then you need to make changes yourself. If he is willing to make good changes, remember, you need to support him and make some changes yourself. Don't expect the worse of him, especially if he is sincere about changing. You should also be in counseling. There is nothing wrong with this. Good luck.
2006-08-24 14:43:52 · answer #3 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you care? If you don't have children then why repeat a mistake? He had his chance....you don't want to expend anymore of your precious youth on a potential dead end. Write off the time you spent as tuition to the "hard knocks" university and find you a guy who can make you happy.
Before you do though you need to develop a plan for you life. Once you have that completed then find a guy that will help you get to that desired "end-state".
Check out the following web site. It's a site for guys but many women find it useful. It can answer you questions better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good Luck
2006-08-24 14:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people can change, but they have to really want to. After all, no one is the same at 15 as they are at 25, or the same at 35 as they are at 45, etc. People do change and grow. The fact that he is in counseling speaks volumes. If you love him, and want to be with him, I'd say give it a shot. But, at the first sign that he is converting back to his old ways, warn him you won't tolerate it. If he continues to backslide, let him go.
2006-08-24 16:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! If he sticks with the counseling. If he says that he is ok after 1 month NO! It takes a long, long, time depending on how many problems he has left unanswered in his life.
2006-08-24 14:41:07 · answer #6 · answered by angiet47933 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They will go back after a while. Unless there is negative feedback. I mean smoking is bad and I smoke. I want to stop and every time I do, I go back. However, I'm diabetic and if I eat sugar all day, I'll have a yeast infection the next day. I haven't eaten candy all day for almost three years. And I really want to....
2006-08-24 14:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Z- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really wants to change he will make it happen. Counseling is a good way of making it happen. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are showing you that he is making an effort to change.
2006-08-24 14:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person can change only if they are willing to. If he is in couciling that says that he wants to change which is good. But, you just never know if someone will slip back into their old ways.
2006-08-24 14:41:15 · answer #9 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was married before. i never wanted to leave because IF he did change then i would want to be with him, but he asked me to leave and he hasn't changed. we live in a small town and i know who he is with and most likely they don't change, they do go back to their old self. you can change an activity you don't want anymore but only God can change an heart.
2006-08-24 22:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by Alicia Davis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋