Stepchildren HELP!?

Question

my husband and i have huge differnces on how children should be raised..i think that they should have some rules and he dosen't...he has 2 children from his 1st marriage and we have 2 together..when his kids come over they don't listen, back talk and distroy our house..the younger 2 are beginning to think that it is okay to act like that and don't understand why i get on to them for it and the others get away with it..my husband and i have talked about this a lot and he always says things are gonna change but we have been married 5 years and nothing has..should i feel bad for thinking about getting a divorce..i want my children to be raise with manners and respect for adults...if any one has been in a simular situation please help!

Answer 1

FIRST OF ALL, YOU NEED TO COME TO AN AGREEMENT ON WHAT TO DO. DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. IT CONFUSES THEM AND ENCOURAGES THEM TO TEST THE BOUNDARIES.

BECOME A UNITED FRONT WITH YOUR HUBBY. THIS IS THE BEST GIFT TO A CHILD. BE CONSISTENT AND SHOW THEM THAT YOU TRUST AND RESPECT EACH OTHER'S JUDGEMENT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT, NOR DOES HE. AND YOU BOTH NEED TO BE THE BAD GUY AND THE HERO. NOT ONE OR THE OTHER.

HOW DO YOU THINK A KID SHOULD ACT IF YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO ACT?

Answer 2

I have been a stepmom for 10 years now, my husband and I also have children together-this can be a very tough issue!! I think a lot of the problem is guilt! My father did the same thing when my sister and I would visit him on the weekends-he later confessed his guilt over the divorce and not having more involvement in our lives. You need to try to GENTLY bring this issue up to your husband, it may help him realize where his behavior is comming from and may help him to finally get this off of his chest, another alternative-marriage counseling! Please try these things first before throwing in the towel!! I wish you and your husband the best of luck in resolving this issue-I hope you can work it out!!

Answer 3

Thank God that my husbands children were grown when we had our child. There is nothing wrong with wanting to raise your children with manners and respect for adults. Have you told him that if things don't change then you are going to ask for a divorce? Explain how you feel and that you don't want to take those steps to a divorce but, you feel that raising your children with manners and respect is important to you. I am sorry but I think that there are too many parents that don't teach there child what manners and respect is. I never knew until I had my child. My child does know what manners and respect is.

Answer 4

I believe that your husband should support you even if he doesn't 100% agree. A house that is divided will fall. Children pick up on these things very quick and test all the boundaries. Perhaps you could have a conversation with your husband and ask him to support you. It clearly is not getting better left unattended and it very upsetting to you. I think that this may also be the time to tell your husband that it's been so bad that lately you've been thinking about getting a divorce, (don't feel bad about thinking about it...your not being supported...who wouldn't want to run!).

Answer 5

I think you answered your own question. It has to be consistent and the rules and discipline the same for all the children. Otherwise it will not work. There will be resentment, lots of not understanding why things are different for the differnt sets of kids. This is not the same as age appropriate privledges(like why does my sister whos 12 get to stay up later than me 6).

You can try living in seaparate homes and keep your relationship or you can part ways.

Answer 6

Don't get a divorce for this reason, lay off the drama. But, you are right, children should be raised with manners and respect for adults. Get some professional help.

Answer 7

Try couples therapy. He is most likely not disciplining the kids from the previous marriage out of guilt. If you have a good relationship with he ex, talk to her. Im sure she would help w/her ex husband. Just think of how much she goes through w/ the kids after they get back from dad.

Answer 8

I've been in a similar situation. He needs to step up to the plate and be a good father with the other two. He is the one who needs to make them listen, otherwise, they will resent you. He's only saying it will change to get you off his back. I'd tell him how you feel. Even threaten to leave if that is what you must do. Something has to make him be a dad. Good luck. I hope it works out for you and your marriage works as well.

Answer 9

try sitting down w/ your husband in a non combattive way. tell him that this is really important to you in that you want all of your children to have the best future possible. make sure he knows you aren't playing favorites w/ the kids, and if you are stop it. ask him to give you two weeks to discipline the kids how you feel they should, and for him to join in for two weeks solid, and they will rebel at first i promise, but ask him to help you stick to it. if at the end of the two weeks, you both don't see a marked improvement, agree to sit down again together and come up w/ another compromise to help the situation for everyone. when you talk to him, give him specific details of the behavior you are disappointed with in the children, but make sure to mention all 4 or he will stop listening as soon as you just mention his 2.
anyway, hope it helps

Answer 10

I have two step daughters age 28 and 25, Too old for me to do anything with. These two are completely out of control. I do feel for you but divorce hubby take kids and control them teach them right from wrong. Let hubby live in a torn up house you don't need too.