What can I do to keep communicating in sight during an arguement? I tend to shut down.?

Answer 1

When a husband and wife argue, often the woman feels as if the man is not listening and often he isn't. He proves my point by arguing. He makes remarks such as "No, you don't understand. I do listen, I am supportive, I listen to her feelings, but I also expect her to listen to mine."
But in arguing, he ensures that she will not want to talk with him. A woman simply cannot feel protected or respected when a man speaks to her in a righteous and demanding tone, particularly when it comes to talking about her feelings. After a while she will feel so comfortable in her silence (shut down as you put it) that her female side will want to stay there.

When a woman feels loved, she slowly begins to open up and is willing to change unsupportive behaviors.

If we are not feeling loved, we become the opposite of who we are when we are wonderful and loving. People who are very generous become very tight when their gifts are not appreciated. People who are very trusting and open become completely closed when they feel disappointed. When people who are very patient and flexible finally reach their limit, they become impatient and rigid. This is how love turns to hate.

Answer 2

I've been working on the same problem, communication is key in a relationship, my girl tends to get angry and yell and I tend to shut down. Talk about how you deal with these things when you're not arguing, discuss how to handle things better, then when you have an arguement do these things.
She's learning to control her anger and I'm learning to not go silent, I didn't feel comfortable saying what's on my mind because I thought it would make her more angry, when her anger became more under control I felt safer saying what I needed to say and everyone was happy.

Answer 3

Obviously during an arguement no one really gets anywhere. Except things that were said and done out of anger.
So, its normal to shut down because you know nothing will be resolved during an arguement.
1st make it known the heated talk needs to stop and given time you both should be able to speak like adults and communicate effectively.

Answer 4

An arguement is not communicating, it is forcing their opinions on others. A person who is angry is incapable of listening to logic. I have a bit of a fiery personality, and if someone wants to argue with me, I tend to argue back. I think shutting down would be far better and achieve a lot more than fighting back. You cant communicate anything to a person who wants to argue with you....so shutting down is the best thing.....walking away even. But when you walk away......say....I will speak with you when you calm down. Dont leave it there.....when the person has calmed down try to then communicate what you were trying to say in the first place....dont leave it, but do it when the person is calm and is open to hearing you out. The best analogy I can use here is.....will an actor keep on performing if the audience walk out? Nine times out of ten, if you can walk away from an angry person who wants to argue with you, then there is no-one left to argue with, and he/she will calm down quicker than if you stayed trying to put your point accross. In saying that however, if you are in a domestic violence situation and the arguement is abusive and you walking out could cause you more problems, then you need to seek help from A Domestic Violence Organisation. Domestic Violence does not just mean physical violence....there are many kinds of abuse....verbal being one of them.

Answer 5

I too used to shut down , but my mind was going a 100 miles an hour, what you have to try and do is Take the information coming at you as that INFORMATION.if you take this to heart, you will become emotional and you have already lost, Do not be in a big hurry to answer, think thru what has been said and then answer, If necessary repeat back what the person said to you, ask if that is correct, this allows you to sort Thru what was said and be able to reply, please note this takes practise. Try not to take any thing personal,even if it is criticism, maybe they are really trying to tell you something you need to know

Answer 6

You shut down because you are emotionally tired and your head is thinking a mile a minute. In these cases, you need to take a step back, say you can't talk about this right now, and then come back later with a clear head to talk things over rationally.

Answer 7

Try one of these : first of seperate for a set amount of time to cool off. Then set an amount of time to state each of your "cases" the other can't interupt when you are talking. The other option; which worked well for my husband because he is alot like you, is to write down what you want to say and communicate in writing. Hope you can work out your problem. Good luck!

Answer 8

actually it's best to remain calm and not speak when you're arguing. that seems to make things level off at times. maybe you shouldn't shut down but rather you should say something that would change the course of the conversation. try to calm it down because sometimes when guys shut down during an argument that's what makes it worse.

Answer 9

Shutting down is a sign that you are done taliking about it for now. Time to take a breather and continue the discussion later

Answer 10

Listen ,breath and let them get all there frustrations out.Then after they have ran out of things to say voice how you feel and if they want to interrupt with arguing tell them you let them speak with out interruptions so let you speak