I need to know, typically when my husband comes home the first thing he does is goes up to his office and checks his accounts and online school things. If he upstairs for a long while I will come up to see if he will be down, or I ask him what he was looking at (webpage etc...) he has yelled at me more than once and said that he does not like me always asking him what he is doing. I understand that, but to me if someone is not doing something wrong or looking at something they should not be, why would they be bothered about you asking them what they are doing? What should I do and what is going on here?
2006-08-24 06:43:44 · 21 answers · asked by dlmvm0612 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ur probably being a pest....Leave him alone. If u have a specific concern, ask. Dont beat around the bush, its annoying
2006-08-24 06:46:07 · answer #1 · answered by Tracy C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Snooping, distrust, dishonesty, or accusations will hurt your relationship.
1. Consider all the things he might be doing. (Including online banking, playing games, checking out porn, chatting with girl friends, etc.)
2. Think seriously about how you want to respond to any one of those activities and even to a "clam up" response. Think about what will happen if the activities continue. (Don't be over dramatic or worry about what happened to your friend's friend. Instead, you know him and you know yourself. Consider what will happen for the two of you.) Now, consider what you want to say to him and what actions you want to take for any of those possibilities.
3. Then talk to him. Not in a nagging way while he is doing whatever he does in his office, but some other time when you can talk openly with one another. Start the discussion by expressing your concerns. Just like you've been told before, use the pronoun "I" instead of "you". For instance, "I am lonely in the house" rather than, "You are always in the your office."
An important lesson I learned about building a strong marriage is to give my spouse plenty of space, yet be open to one another about the space we use. Unfortunately, open discussion is the most challenging part of marriage. Work on it now and get use to working on it everyday.
2006-08-24 14:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by tke999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he would have told you. He wants to keep it secret. Now, whether the secret is innocent or not, that's a topic for another day. But he doesn't want you to know, so he gets bothered when you come up, or ask.
You can either pretend it doesn't bother you, or have it out with him. Don't ask him again unless you are determined to get your answer. Because he obviously won't give you an answer just like that.
2006-08-24 13:48:23 · answer #3 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHOA! my wife always asked me what I am doing on line and I show to her and I have nothing to hide from my wife. And you are right if nothing wrong doing then should be no plm answer the questions smiling.
I have always tell my wife who i talk to who person is why friend with that person? all that. so she always knows that. Me I always first thing come home from work to see how is my kids and wife doing spend time and then kids off to bed and i get on line and if my wife come in and see that fine.. when you open the door you can see right front of you.. no question about it.
But for him to do that seem he not very happy to be married. and Seem that he is so indpenence to himself than married as 2 people. Find out if he is happy.. if he yells at you then tell him fine. I won't bother to ask you about what you do in on line or what ever it is. ok agree. plain and simple and if he come to you with the plm.. just well you know you never want to share the plm and now you do??? Ummmm, I told you I will not ask you what you do or what the plm nothing so therefore you agree with me. so, try to make this marriage happy and make you ahppy.
Men are dogs sometimes. I do too but I learn and My wife teach me alot and I learn step from her. smiling. If I don't learn How you make the marriage works.????
2006-08-24 13:53:30 · answer #4 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get a divorce, sounds like to me the guy is headed for the abuse pattern? Doesn't sound like he's very nice to you. Men should always love to come home to their wives and have a kiss and woman should always be known what the heck their husbands are doing. Even if it is just a simple thing like school stuff for the kids. He should involve you too. Or even say hey check this out!
My husband is always nice to me and loves me. He's always there to answer my stupid questions that I think are stupid after giving me answers.
Once he was gone for quite a while and wouldn't pick up his phone for me. Then he comes home and says I have a suprise for you. He bought me a new car!
2006-08-24 13:48:39 · answer #5 · answered by Tammy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are hovering. Men like to cave when they get home. It a time to unwind and get into home mode. Sure it seems stupid to you, but to him it is a routine. Tell him that you do not like him spending so much time on the computer when he gets home, and agree on a time limit.
Or try this. Go upstairs, do not say anything, just walk up behind him and snuggle him nicely, while looking over his shoulder at what he is doing. If he hides it, or yells at you to leave, then I agree 100% that he is hiding something and that is not right.
2006-08-24 13:48:53 · answer #6 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So let me see if I get this straight, your husband works all day long, comes home takes classes at night to better himself and probably get a better job and you are complaining about what he might be doing behind your back on a computer?
Get over it...give the man some space to relax when he comes home.
2006-08-24 13:47:05 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First he should not be yelling at you for asking a simple question.
If you think he is doing something wrong check the cookies in the computer. They will tell you what he is look at with date and time.
Also they sell programs that keep track of everything you do on computer.
If you trust him then no need to look.
2006-08-24 13:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you are all missing is that he comes home and immediately goes to his office without spending any time with his wife. That is a worse sign than what he may be doing on the computer.
2006-08-24 13:49:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite possible that something is going on that he doesn't want you to know about. Does he greet you at all? Is everything okay in your relationship? Sit down and have a talk with him about what you are feeling. Be sure to let him know that he is hurting your feelings when he raises his voice to you and make sure that when you do talk, be very calm and caring in your voice, if he senses attitude, it will only escalate. Good Luck.
2006-08-24 13:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by imhischildtwo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋