How do I win my wife back. She says I'm controlling and negative. She still loves me but not in love W/me.

Question

She moved out to her own apartment and says she is 50/50 on me getting her back. We have been married for 10 years and have two children. I talk to her most everyday, but she says she enjoys being on her own.
I have received medication for stress and am in counciling at the time to correct my problems. I am also back to church and have asked for the Lord's help. I not only don't want to live without her but, I don't think I can... I Love her too much. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

your on the right track she my just need a little space.

Answer 2

Wow! If I didn't know better, I thought I wrote this question. I'm going through the very thing and have made the same strides you have. I think about her all the time still. I don't know what to feel. I'm trying to meet new people. But it's hard. Many experts have said that in the classic scenario she will come back. Largely because there are children involved and she will naturally start to long for that family again. She will start to second guess her decision. When or if it does happen, you two will need some serious counseling. That's what I've been told and that's how I feel. I've been torn up during my crisis. I don't know what to feel. At first, I would do anything to get her back. Today, I don't know really. I can for the kids sake but I don't want them to go through it again if she gets that "urge" again.

So I suggest stay your course. Focus on healing yourself. If she comes around, deal with it then but don't plan your future around it. Most of all, take care of your kids. My therapist said it simply, "If you don't take care of yourself, what good are you to your kids?" So true.

Good luck, brother. Email be through my contacts if you still have questions or just need support. I feel for you, brah!

Answer 3

Another wonderful book you must read is "What You Mother Couldn't Tell You & Your Father Didn't Know" by John Gray, Ph.D. author of the #1 best seller "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus". The author is a wonderful Christian and shares with readers Advanced Relationship Skills for Better Communication and Lasting Intimacy.

Both books are actually wonderful as they explore and enlighten one into the differences between males and females. It would give you wonderful insight into how and why your wife may be viewing you as controlling and negative and steps you can take to correct this.

Answer 4

Definitely give her some breathing space but still try to keep in touch periodically. Let her know that you're working on your problems and whatever you do, DON'T let her see anymore of your controlling/negative behavior. I can honestly tell you that those are two of the biggest turn-offs ever. I wouldn't have been able to stay with you for 10 days, never mind 10 years. But I do believe with counselling that you can change and hopefully she will see that and give you another chance. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

This is the exact situation I am currently going through. The thing is she is not happy with you. You need to leave her alone, so she can think clearly. It takes alot of courage to leave and since she has she herself believes she did the right thing. You can't control a person. Remember marriage is not about putting a leash around your partners neck, its about love and trust and respect. Unconditional love, totally. She obviously feels no love for you except maybe as a friend. Whatever you do, DONT suggest friends with benefits. You need togo your separate ways and if after time you feel to try again with each other then you know it was meant to be.
Please go to a counscellor they will help you get thru this time in your life.
Good Luck.

Answer 6

Try reading the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kriedman. I read the "Light His Fire" book some time ago and it helped a lot. My husband then read the "Light Her Fire" book and it really helped improve our relationship. Couldn't hurt anyway. You may be able to pick up a copy at your local library. Otherwise, it's not that expensive anyway and can be purchased at just about any bookstore. Also, she has a website now. Here is the link to it. I can't really vouch for anything other than her book since that's all I've tried but if her other "products" are as good, they would all be valuable resources. Best of Luck.

http://www.lightyourfire.com/index.cfm?&affid=102

Answer 7

I am in a very simiular situation. I just pray and ask God for guidance. I have been married 10 years and my husband does not love me anymore. We too have 2 children. I have a hard time dealing with this. So I will pray daily for you and I for myself.

Answer 8

at this point it sounds' like you are doing everything that you can and you have to go off of what she wants not your own needs at this point. it sounds like you hurt her pretty bad. keep doing what your doing she will see the changes and also try going out on dates every once in awhile with her try to show her the person you used to be the man that she married not the man that you turned into. good luck!

Answer 9

Did you already tried using Pull Your Ex Back mechanism? Check out at this place : http://www.ExRecoveryFormula.com/ . It could clearly guide everybody!

Answer 10

Keep doing what you need to do to resolve your issues. That is all you can do. Give it some time and let her see the changes in you, don't force them on her.

Answer 11

She is probly seeing someone else. If you really want her back, find a girl who is just a friend, and be seen with her a few times. She doesn't really want to loose you to someone else.