my son's father recently came home from jail I dont want to be with him but I want to help him.
2006-08-24 06:37:26 · 10 answers · asked by misshayward 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No, you won't be happy. That isn't doing either of you any good.
2006-08-24 06:45:18 · answer #1 · answered by scanman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you allow him to stay you need to set up some very clear-cut boundaries. For example, are you allowing him to stay as a boarder until he can get himself up on his feet? Are you planning to resort to a romantic/sexual relationship? If you are just giving him a place to live, make it clear he needs to keep his hands off. You should itemize some strong expectations: he needs to have a job by this amount of time - needs to be self-supporting by this date - needs to seek counsel or rehab if necessary. The point is, you need to control the decision and the situation, and not just let "things happen." Determine what you want - then stick to it. He will use you if you let him. Personally, feeling sorry for someone is a very shakey foundation for any kind of relationship. I DO NOT agree with the person who says the Bible would instruct you to care for him. I believe and teach the Bible, and I think it makes it clear that a man needs to stand on his own two feet. If I were you, I'd put a substantial distance between you and this man for a good long "proving" time.
2006-08-24 13:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by whiteparrot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never cooperate formally if you dont have feelings for it, particularly when you are serving a relationship & more if this relationship is the closest one i.e. of your husband.
Why should you?
If you want to help him, its true you should but y do u think you cant help him by being true to yourself. Yes, you can help him and still be yourself. Even better as a true woman, and be more patient and loving to his needs. you will be more human and lovelier this way.
See, I don't know your story but you must understand yourself and be healthy and not create such options in life which go against your mental health.
Take yours time, I would suggest write it as '+' & '-' points on a piece of paper of the actions you would take and its results in future. Make a constructive decision out of the options you have and go solid or 100% in that.
The help thing - Yes you can still help him not avoiding yours personality or priorities.
2006-08-24 14:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by nothing 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if you want to become progressively more miserable (for this is a nastybad motive to be in a relationship) until you're so bummed he begins to feel sorry for you. Then you'll each have something in common to divorce over.
Better, I'll bet, for you to refer the man to every resource available (see yellow pages: social services, mental health, recovery programs) before encouraging him to become dependant on you. You'd like to see him be self-sufficient, yes? By honoring yourself and child, protecting your situation from possibly unnecessarily adverse pressures, you can model healthy boundaries. Helping doesn't have to mean taking somebody in. Your practical advice on how he can help himself is likely more valuable than taking him in and making yourself his source of emotional, physical, etc., support. He must feel whipped. It can't be easy to draw the line and enforce it. Focus on this: what would be best for baby? You are responsible for your offspring's primary care at this time (I'm surmising), not daddy. He's required to step up and reconstruct his live. Very tough. You can give all moral support; but be cautious of being vulnerable to his depending on you to fix his situation. He was able to get himself to this point, right?
2006-08-24 14:02:04 · answer #4 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Pity is not a good reason to have a relationship. You can help, but don't let it go further than that. Pity will eventually become frustration, anger, and every little thing will get under your skin.
Decide NOW how much you are willing to contribute to "helping" and STICK TO IT!
2006-08-24 13:45:30 · answer #5 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. tell him he needs to go and be a man. get a job and support himself. he's probably in jail because no one ever taught him to stand on his own two feet, someone was always there to help him out of a jam and he got caught that time. he needs to go on and do his own thing...tough love, baby!
2006-08-24 13:40:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Helping is one thing. Being involved with him is another. If you don't want to be with him, don't start. Too much potential for a difficult situation down the line.
2006-08-24 13:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by danl747 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have be with him , but you can help to be a father.
2006-08-24 13:43:58 · answer #8 · answered by Israel G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him politely that you don't want to be with him.
2006-08-24 13:39:55 · answer #9 · answered by booklover48375 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah. Bible says you ought to.
2006-08-24 13:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by overseas and broke 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋