Can an abusive person ever change?

Question

If a man has been verbally abusive to his wife on and off for a few months and has been physically abusive once during that time, is there any hope of him changing? Or is an abusive person always an abusive person?

Answer 1

Hi..I will tell you to get as far away from this person as possible. This behavior is childish and this person lacks self esteem and confidence. He is a loser and is angry at his mother for not loving him. Find a man who will treat you like the lady you are. Do not question it anymore. He has hurt you once and this is already to many times..
Good Luck
Jb

Answer 2

I would never say it's impossible for someone to change, but that person would have to admit to himself that they are abusive. Furthermore, they would have to undergo intensive counseling in order to find out why he finds it necessary to be abusive toward the people he loves. He has to genuinely want to work very hard to change his behavior. Once he finds out what has made him the way he is, maybe he can start working on healing. There is nothing you can do, only he can do this. All you can do is be supportive if he chooses to get help. Otherwise, you need to leave him and seek help for yourself, especially if there are children involved. If he doesn't seek the help he needs, they will grow up thinking that this is the way to behave, which is probably what has happened to him. A daughter will tolerate abusive behavior from men, and a son will be abusive to others in order to get his way.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I think an abusive person can change over time. But sometimes it takes the person they are abusing to leave them. Most abused women won't leave because after the beatings are over, the men (or women) show them more love than they ever do, and they convince them that it won't happen again. But, you let that lady walk out of that mans life (or Vice Versa), and he might just open his eyes and realize what he's lost.

Answer 4

They can change but you should leave in the mean time. Abuse is not love. If you stay you will be subjected to more abuse.

I say you should leave because it is not safe. If someone was willing to abuse you once, they'll abuse you twice. It's only a matter of time. Do a google search for domestic violence intervention. Call one of the centers and they can give you more information and access to resources.

If you don't take care of yourself then no one else will. No one deserves abuse.

Answer 5

Everyone goes through stages in their lives. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has the potential to change and become a better person. He needs help, counseling, love, support and time. The one being abused needs to exit the situation and seek help as well. Everyone can change but this is a dangerous situation so be careful. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Been there done that. I stayed and tried and no they don't change. He said he did and yes outwardly the verbal garbage stopped then he started writing notes and keeping them locked up. If I hadn't sdiscovered them I would still be there trying. Thank God I did. Moving out was hard but definitely the BEST thing I have ever done. Now he wants me and the kids back. It will never happen b/c he will never change.
Good Luck with your decision, its going to be hard but know you aren't the only one going through it and you won't be the last. you deserve to be happy, remember life is short. Do you really want to continue in this situation?

Answer 7

If you've given him chance after chance, it's not doing your kids any favor at all to go back and try again for more abuse. That will only break them down more and that's just not fair to them. They don't have a chance to get away from it. They don't have any say in the fact whether they want to be a part of it or not. Please don't put them through that any more. They don't deserve it. Neither do you for that matter. It'll be healthier for everyone to just stay away from here on out. Congrats for making the right decision to get out finally.

Answer 8

There can be hope but if the man or women is willing to change it and get help. When i was little my mom was in a very abusive relationship he was verbally,phyically,mentally all of us and sexual to me. everyday would be hell. he ended up breaking my mom's arm and everything else that goes with it, then i got in to a relationship when i got to be a teenager and i saw a pattern, now my husband is sometime verbally and has grabbed me and in one time had lifted me off the ground by my throat. they rage they dont relize its a problem until someone gets hurt some are willing to change like my husband is trying and some arent like my mom ex relationship. They have to be willing to take the step necessary to get help both of you need counseling because i bet your self esteem is at a all time low. I watched dr. phil oneday and he said there is hope, he made the women leave until it was safe and that there was improvement and he was gettting help he needed, because he could have killed her. She also had to get counseling to fix her emotional state, i take it oneday at a time to try to leave my childhood past behind because want my mom,sister and i went through no one should have too. we ended up leaving and packing up one night when he was at work took us 30 minutes to get everything and we left state and never did i feel relived until my mom was finally brave enough to actually do it, it took her 4 years to decide enough was enough. good luck.

Answer 9

I suspect this is a question that you may already know the answer to, but do not want to deal with. Life patterns are weaved deep within people from the time they are very young. People generally know right and wrong, can go to classes and even therapy, but can deceive themselves into thinking that you deserved just what you got and it wasn't their fault. It may be confortable for you and even familar, but no one deserves the constant threat of revictimization or having to walk on egg shells with the whim of someone else's mood. As hard as it maybe to leave...in my opinion would be the healthiest choice you could make for yourself. Surround yourself with friends and people that up lift you and enjoy who you really are!

Answer 10

People can change if they want to change.....He may need help anger management to handle and control his rage when he feels it getting out of control...You also have to look if drugs or alcohol contributes to his behavior...You need to look into the root of the problem to why that person is so abusive then you work from there.