Can you help me understand this please?

Question

Last night my husband was playing his football game, I asked him if he wanted to lay down with me and watch tv. He said that depends what is on? I got upset and asked him why does that matter? He said that if i'm watching something he is not interested in then he would rather play his video game. I felt like it had nonthing to do ME, and it was all about HIM.What is he really saying and is it selfish for him to need something he is interested in on TV to lay down with me? Are most men like this? (he did remind me that sometimes he does lay down with with me.)

Answer 1

No all men aren't like this. You married him. Now straighten him out!

Answer 2

First of all, the video game thing, well it's pathetic. That being said, maybe he just preferred, at that time, to play a game rather than lay down and watch something on tv that he wasn't interested in. Simple as that. I mean, most of the time I don't mind watching something that my husband likes but I have no interest in, for the sake of "together" time, but there are times when I just don't feel like it and would prefer to do something I'm interested in. Again, simple as that. It seems as though he was open to the idea, as long as it was something that he could get into. Try not to read too much into everything. Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you're taking it too personally. It's hard to tell from an isolated incident whether or not the person is actually "selfish", but in this particular case he was simply in the middle of doing something else, and you were interrupting. Put yourself in his place - say, you're in the middle of cooking a meal, and he asks you to come do something else. I know I would rather finish cooking. This is true that video games might seem like a useless waste of time to someone who doesn't play them - but to someone who does, it's a fun pastime. I think, a better way to handle this particular case would be to ask him if he was going to be playing for a while. Perhaps he could wrap up whatever he was doing in 30 min or an hour, and then the two of you could spend time together.

This is how I usually approach it, and it works. No one likes to be interrupted in the middle of whatever they're doing. I don't know if you feel that he's spending *too much* time playing the game - if this is the case, you should bring it up with him; some people do get addicted to games and the like, and it's a bigger problem than mere selfishness. But don't feel resentful if on occasion he doesn't drop everything and come running when you call. It's usually a give-and-take.

Answer 4

Good question. Selfishness according to Webster means "doing actions characteristic or proper to the self". So what your husband did was at least three forms of wrong behavior--which upset you. He didn't mean it that way, but the three mistakes were these: 1. preferring a video game to YOU, one he could play any other time;
2. worrying about what was on tv, when the junk he's been watching for years is hopeless anyway, and the point was to spend time with YOU; and 3. Not making a
priority of spending time with YOU, even if what you were doing wasn't the greatest thing, because it was acceptable and because it was important to you and if he loved you, that made it fine. Sorry, but it eppears he may have some issues about growing up.

Answer 5

How long have you been married? I wouldn't want to lay down to watch tv if I didn't like the show that was on. If it's not enjoyable for both of you, why do it....I think you are taking it too personal. If you want it to be about you and him being "together"....turn the damn tv off...take the game controller out of his hands and get in his lap or lay on the couch with him (put yourself wherever he is). You can't ask a guy to lay down with you to watch tv when that's not what you REALLY want out of it. Don't beat around the bush...if you want an "intimate" moment or some "close" time, you have to tell him...he can't read your mind.

Answer 6

Hey! slow down here. First ask yourself why he was playing the game in the first place. As a man I can tell you that we solve problems subconsciously when we are playing the game. The game does not require thought and it then becomes a form of freedom.

Secondly, ask yourself why you want him to lie down with you and watch TV? Now my dear girl, you are mixing two activities here, which do not necessarily enhance each other.

Decide whether you want him to lie down with you,or watch TV. If I were your husband, I would say OK if you want to lie down with me and cuddle, but I would probably not say OK if you wanted to watch TV at the same time.

Also, if I were into a game, I would say, OK when I am finished. Then if the TV became boring to me, I would press you for something more enjoyable.

If he is not in the mood for TV, why force it on him.
Be nice and try to understand that a man needs to take his mind off of his work a day experiences, Games do that for some of them.

It does not mean that he does not love you.

Answer 7

Well, if you would ask him if he just wanted to lay down with you it's one thing... then it's not about the TV. But since you mentioned TV, he may not care for some stuff you might watch. My wife watches a lot of stuff I simply don't like ok. But that doesn't mean I don't like spending time with her. I just don't care to watch tv shows that I don't like. If you're both watching tv, it's not like you're actually both giving your time to each other, you're both giving your time to the TV. Turn off the stupid tube and now he has to choose between his football games and you, and if he chooses his games, I would be worried, otherwise calm down.
It's not a statement about you he's making, maybe he's just not interested in watching tv.

Answer 8

Perhaps you should of been more clear on what you wanted from your husband. Sounds like you are mad at him because of the tv thing. What you really wanted was your husband to be with you spending time with you. I bet if you had asked him to come hold you, he would of done it no problem no matter what was on tv. He answered your question honestly. That's not a bad thing. YOur husband does NOT have to enjoy everything you do. But, I'm sure your husband enjoys you, use that to your advantage.

Answer 9

yes most men are like this did you have any interest in sittling next to him and watching him play his football game? im sure it wasnt that he didnt want to spend time with you had you offered him something else he might have taken you up on your offer he just didnt want to stop what he was doing to watch a show he doesnt even like. everybody needs alone time be thankful he is getting his in front of a football game and not at a bar but that is where he will end up if you are nagging him whenever he is trying to get some alone time.

Answer 10

Not all men are like this, but it's not abnormal. He probably didn't mean it to hurt you, he was just being honest. I know that I sometimes act like this w/my husband. He'll be watching sports, so I'll go in another room. I just don't want to watch that stuff. Vice Versa, if I'm watching HGTV or Project Runway, he won't watch it with me. Unfortunately, men lack tact, and he does lay down w/you, so just think of it that way - he was just being honest.

Answer 11

Ease up on all that.... enjoy the moment ---besides isn't it better to watch something that interest both of you than something that does not?
If it's a big deal just turn the TV off and enjoy cuddling together on the sofa..... remember, make warm memories not hurt feelings!