Should you forgive a husband who has cheated on you?

Question

My husband went away for a year and a half for deployment to the middle east. We always had an amazing marriage. While he was away I wrote to him EVERYDAY ! I got pregnante with our son on his first R n R. Well he was almost done with his deployment and came to visit us when the baby was just born , 2 months later he came home permanently. On his way home he had to stop by in Hawaii and had an affair. I found out through a friend. I read his letters to her where he was desparate to be with her again and told her she was the passion of his life. This happened over about two weeks. When he came home to me he was still writing her telling her they would be together forever!. I am so hurt by this I dont know if I should stay or not. I thought If I just waited I would know in time if I could get over it but it has been 9 months and I am so depressed I still cry about it very often. He has made so much effort to redeem himself and proov his love to me . I dont love him the way I used to.

Answer 1

What you need is prayer. The Bible tells us everything can be worked through with God's help. If you cry to Him and tell him exactly how you feel, He will listen and help. Be honest though, anger, sad, hurt, everything. Yell if you want to. He likes it when we 100% disclose our weakness. This is when he helps the most.

My husband and I have been married almost 10 yrs. (10 in Oct.) and we had so many problems for the first 9. Niether were christians. We fought constantly and I mean fought. Physical. We have 2 boys together, so we didn't want to quit for their sakes. I started finding God first August 2 yrs ago and was baptized. I started getting really bothered by the way he treated me and was ready to leave so the kids didn't grow up with this any longer. I started praying everyday. I wept on my knees about all the hurtful things he had done and was doing still. I told God I couldn't handle it anymore and was ready to give up. I didn't see anything for months, but I didn't give up. Last June, he changed and gave his life to God. He was baptized this Feb. and our marriage has never, ever been this good. We talk about the old problems now without fighting, we pray together, we eat our meals as a family and we love eachother like never before. The difference is amazing. Our kids have never been so happy either.

I hope you'll try this out. I promise it works. I've been there. Through God, we can get over anything. This could make your relationship stronger than ever before as it has our's. Please don't listen to these people and your instincts to quit. God is worth it. Your children are worth it. YOU are worth it! God Bless you and I'll be praying for you!!

Answer 2

Yes you should forgive him and let bygones be bygones so it won't torment you. However, you don't have to be with him unless you truly believe you can handle it. See, love is crazy and is driven by emotion. Love is more an action than a feeling even though all the emotions are stirring you up when he is around or when you think about it. In other words, we all come to the point where we start to doubt our marriage and spouse. Don't let those emotions control you your action because these emotions are fleeting. However, in your case, I don't think I would stay in the marriage only because it feels like your trust in him has died and because I know all about servicemen!! I dated one and am currently married to one. My husband has never cheated on me before (mainly because he lack the skills and is antisocial lol) but there are sooo many people who DO cheat like my ex boyfriend. It is almost a lifestyle especially when they go on deployments or tdy. At the end of the day, the decision is yours. We can't tell you what to do. You need to see if you can handle it. Ask yourself if in the past 9 months, things are just getting worse and worse.

Answer 3

Well, he screwed up. Some people just can't get over certain things. And if you can't get over what your husband did, then maybe you should consider divorce. I mean, there is no since in being miserable because he messed things up. Ask yourself if it's worth it or not. I mean, listen, I just got a divorce because of the same reason. My husband cheated on me. Granted: I wasn't an angel the entire time we were married, but I never cheated on him. He forgave me for the little mistakes that I made, but he may not have forgiven me for cheating. I could not get over the fact that he had spoken to another woman while I was at work or whenever I wasn't around. I don't know what all happened between them, and now I just don't care. I just know that I didn't love my husband enough to swallow my pride and be ignorant of the hurt and embarrassment he caused me. Do the right thing. Follow your heart.

Answer 4

Wow, I am terribly sorry you are going through this and you are an incredible woman to want to forgive him. Hell, you're a bigger woman than me for sure. In order to forgive someone especially a cheating spouse requires you to reach deep within to find real strength. It takes a lot to forgive someone, that's why forgiveness is divine. It truly requires almost supernatural abilities to move on beyond the dishonor you husband brought about you. I strongly suggest you see a marriage counselor together and individually. Individual appointments would be good for you especially. Professionals will supply you with necessary tools to salvage your marriage. They will teach you ways to talk to each other and communicate your anger and sadness more effectively to your husband. The best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. Tell him everything, tell him what this did to you and how it has affected your life and your marriage. You need to vent to him, and let your anger and sadness out on him. This will happen when you see the professional while he/she is assessing your communication to your husband. You need to tell your husband what he did. He needs to hear it from you, in your own words, make it real and raw. He needs to know your thoughts about the affair and what you think of him currently. Let it all out. Forgiving would be good for you too because its not healthy to hold a grudge.

Answer 5

You never will. But you may one day find you still love him as a human being. Since it's only been 9 mos. you could also be suffering from a little post-partum depression. Only you can decide if you can live with what he's done, but honey give yourself a little more time. Don't make any life altering decisions right now. Focus on you &your new baby, they don't stay that way forever! Once you have given yourself a little time to feel more like yourself you'll be more capable of making a decision you can live with. Good luck

Answer 6

If you are still torn about this after 9 months, chances are you can't forgive him. You need to ask yourself some questions. the first one is, can the trust be built back up because once he cheated, it was lost. Do you think he is still in contact with her? Even if he says no, do you believe it? Since you can admit that you don't love him like you used to, do you feel that you are wasting your time? Are you hoping to make things better? I would suggest that you make sure he knows what you are feeling and also think about where you want to go with this person. Have you even considered a separation? I doesn't have to be legal if that is to permanent but maybe being away from him will give you both time to think about what you truly want. It's hard to do that with the person in your face. I wish all the best to you in whatever you decide but make sure that whatever that is, you can live with it.

Answer 7

Over a period of two weeks he developed such passion? I doubt it. Who is this girl? Some chick he met in a bar. Why go that long without and the then blow it at the end? Something does not add up here. I bet he has been with her alot longer, stopped in Hawaii on purpose to be with her one last time before coming home. He got caught. What an azzhole. If you even think for a moment that he has not been completely honest with you, then dump his azz. Jerk.

Answer 8

An affair is not the same as a one-night stand. Sex is just sex, but if he fell in love or had feelings for the woman, that is an affair. Don't confuse the two. Men are sexual beings. If they go without for a long time, they'll take a target of opportunity. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Forgive, get counseling, move on.

Answer 9

I feel for you, especially since you have a child together. It would be easy for me to tell you to kick him to the curb, but I know it's much harder and more complicated than that. If he is REALLY sorry for what he did you could try giving him another chance. Keep in mind that the whole cheating thing needs to be put to rest. If it is stuck in the back of your head and you use it against him in future arguments it could lead to a lot of problems. If you ever have doubts about him, leave. It will be better for you and your child. Go with your gut, it's usually right.

Answer 10

Trusting him again will take alot of time and a lot of effort on his part. You guys need some counseling and he needs to stay away from other women. You have a child to consider. Get marital counseling now before this eats up the love you still have for him.