cheated on me. It was after we had an abnormally huge fight. He didn't come home the next day from work and instead went to a bar where he loaded some girl he knew up. His guilt got to him a couple of days later and he told me about it. I was shocked and very hurt. I asked him if he still wanted her or wanted to cheat on me again and, of course, he said no because he saw what it did to me. But now he seems to think I should be able to just get over it , but it still haunts me. He doesn't want to talk about it because he says it hurts him too much. What should I do? I feel in my heart that he won't do it again, even though the old adage is "once a cheater always a cheater", so I am keeping my eyes open from now on. I cheated on my ex husband, but I have changed and haven't cheated on this husband and will not cheat on him... so I know people can change. Should I just move on with our lives and I will eventually get over it?
2006-08-24 06:06:53 · 21 answers · asked by Girl gone wild 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get marriage couseling. What he did is the biggest trust- breaker there is. You don't just get over that. He needs to rebuild the trust and that will take time.
2006-08-24 06:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by kermit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel in your heart that he is SINCERE in his apology and that he won't do it again, it would probably be best for you to forgive him and move on. Rehashing it will only make the situation worse. What I would do, though, is sit down and have a final discussion about it...Don't get heated and make sure that you tell him that your intention isn't to fight about it but to get some closure. Let him know that you want to forgive him, but he also needs to understand it's not going to be an overnight thing. Tell him that he needs to be patient with you and tell him you would want the same thing from you if the situations were reversed. Then you really need to look him in the eyes and get a promise from him that no matter how bad things get, NEITHER one of you will ever resort to that again. Decide together to move on from this and really work hard to make the relationship everything it was when you first fell in love. After you guys talk you must not talk about it again. It will hurt, but it will hurt even more to keep bringing into your life. It is possible to heal, and if he loves you, he will help you thru the process. Continuing to shove his mistake in his face will only make him pull away from you. If you feel like he is really sorry then be the bigger person. I'm sorry you had to go thru that, and I really hope everything works out. Good luck!
2006-08-24 06:15:57 · answer #2 · answered by Brea1243 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater!!! Not really the truth. Give him the benefit of the doubt, you had a huge fight and he got pissed off (even though its not a reason to cheat) forgive him this once (but keep your eyes open, but don't make it noticable) Don't bring the mishap up ever again just leave it where it is. (don't keep throwing it in his face)
You said you cheated on your first husband but would never cheat on your husband now, (Never say never)
wrong place, right time is all it can take. I know been there done that.
Good Luck
2006-08-24 06:29:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll probably need some help getting over this....When I found mine had cheated, it was the last nail in the coffin of our marriage.... I just left, never again to return. Except for this one incident, you don't appear to have a "coffin" already full of nails. But you need to be able to rebuild trust again. Seek some counseling. He made two mistakes -- cheating, then telling you. He would have been better off, and your marriage better off if he had just shut the hell up. He didn't, so now you must deal with it. Like I said, get some help -- don't let it grind on you....Good luck, sweetie....
2006-08-24 06:12:32 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like to me if he can have a fight and then just go cheat in less than 24 hours he's not happy in the first place. if you want to spend a lifetime of wondering and playing private investigator then stay, personally it's no fun wondering, waiting. a few minutes late where could he be....should it take him that long, he just went after milk, not addressing him with an issue that needs to be talked about fear of another fight, and what he might do, some fight just to get the out, man or woman, less guilty that way they think. trust me you will always wonder, if you do stay, defintely, get counseling. you said you have done it before did that person get over it?
2006-08-24 06:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by 67camarolvr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give him credit for telling you the truth. I don't think very many guys would want to talk about it BUT it is SO important to talk...that's the only way you can heal, you can't just tell someone you cheated and expect them to get over it! If he cares about you, he would take the time to talk to you. He owes you that much if he expects you to forgive him! If he's not willing to make things right with you, then maybe you should move on! You're not asking for much!
2006-08-24 06:28:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you really feel that he wont do it again, then you have to work at keeping your relationship going strong. You are right, it is a really hard thing to get over, I dont think you ever completly get over it but you can move past it.
Trust is going to be the hardest thing to give back to him, you will and should always be causious with him, and he should know that building back close to what you had is going to be hard work on his part (and it should be) Dont make it easy on him, make him work for it.
Good luck
2006-08-24 06:17:01 · answer #7 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is really being selfish. He hurts. Whatever. He owes you that much. He needs to talk. You need to know why he cheated. What was the base reason for this straying? He talks or you should walk. Sorry, but I feel you deserve better.
2006-08-24 06:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by amiilynn76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some counseling would help, been through this situation, but it didn't stop him from cheating on me again. He even cried and swore he wouldn't do it again, but he lied.
Try marriage counseling, couldn't hurt and maybe you'll learn more about eachother and how to cope or manage your fights.
2006-08-24 06:12:09 · answer #9 · answered by mariajd3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make him pay, and pay, and pay. As far as I am concerned he can no longer deny you anything. Since you are married, I'm not talking money per say, but he really needs to step up and start doing his part and yours. Cooking, cleaning, watching the kids so you can go out, anything you want, breakfast in bed. Make his life hell.
Now, my theory is this. He will react in two ways. First he will bow his lame head and do as you ask, and you see his devotion and commitment to you and you will forgive him. Or, he will not, he will fight and argue it, and you will see he is not worth keeping around.
2006-08-24 06:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Need to get all the laundry out in the open before you can heal. The best way to do this is counseling. there is to much emotion here and if you try to handle this alone you will probably end up fighting again. you need a control setting for this and a councilor is your best bet.,
2006-08-24 06:12:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋