Two years ago I discovered an affair, cheater cheating with an employee. (the situation, circumstances were terrible . . .) We now have a decent marriage (not perfect, but really great). I still suffer (not as bad), but the lady he cheated with is still working for him (and she's pregnant, went back with her ex).
Any thoughts from folks that have gone through a similar situation?
2006-08-24 05:55:29 · 9 answers · asked by MICO 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My marriage did not overcome the affair...but i'm not saying that a marriage can't survive an affair...Key factors is communication...if both parties are willing to work on the marriage...the cheater will have to do whatever it takes to gain the trust of their partner...He/she needs to put your feelings first... even if it means bringing you around to show people at his work how special you are and things are going strong. Never let someone tell you that it was your fault... People make choices in life they just better make sure that they can live with their decision. Stay strong talk about it...don't let anything break your spirit....LOOK FABULOUS...and never let them see you sweat
2006-08-24 06:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by simplyme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you have lost all trust in your chosen life long partner is not an easy obstacle to over come. No matter what advice is dispensed,you of all people will have to look at finding away to trust your partner. On the other hand your partner will have to accept that for most of his life he will be under your vigil. Intentionally or not. The partner created a situation that has to be paid for in hard work, patience and an understanding that the rebirth of a relationship that has been damaged will take a very long time. Patience on both your parts and honesty will be your only solution. A good slap in the face also works. Good luck.
2006-08-24 13:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by Charles Athole M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, the trust in your relationship has to be built up again. Without that, you have nothing. Ask yourself if you truly trust him. If you are concerned about this person still working for him then chances are, you think that there may be a second time around. I would definitely suggest some time for you to talk with him about your feelings, be sure to get all of your questions answered and if need be, separate yourself from him for awhile. Figure out for yourself if you want to stay there because i say although there were problems in the relationship, that is no excuse for him to sleep with someone else. Another thing is, if he senses that you don't trust him, that is added drama that you do not need. It will still hurt for awhile because you have been betrayed. You can even consider getting some counseling. That is what my husband and I did. We went to our church and didn't have to pay anything for the services. I hope for the best for you and make sure that you are true to yourself and your feelings.
2006-08-24 13:16:23 · answer #3 · answered by imhischildtwo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i understand your question correctly, your husband cheated on you with an employee....and he's STILL working there??? i'm sorry, but in all respect to you, he should have left that job and pulled himself from those surroundings. I hope you two went to counseling.
i had an affair with an employee years back when i was with my ex. i ended up leaving my ex (and no i did not run off with the employee) but if i really wanted to repair that relationship, i would have made every effort to not put myself into a situation that would even cause suspicion of cheating.
i'd hate to make this more clearer, but when you love each other, you don't cheat on your partner. EVER! and you are still suffering. why are you doing this to yourself????
2006-08-24 13:02:33 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I totally feel for you. You need to evaluate your relationship. What caused him to cheat in the first place. I have found from personal experiance that when a man cheats they will do it again and again. Men want there cake and eat it too. They want the comfort of a loving wife who will be there for them and the thrill of something devious and naughty.Temptation is everywhere and he obviously didn't think about how you would feel and what he was going to lose. Basically once a cheater always a cheater. I couldn't get past that, the fear of what if!
2006-08-24 13:15:49 · answer #5 · answered by lunitari601 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa...where do I even start? I'm not really sure you ever get over an affair...I know that I probably couldn't. It'll always be something you will keep in mind. I'd say to pray about it and talk to a marriage counselor or your pastor.
2006-08-24 13:00:10 · answer #6 · answered by danielle_la_flor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how you could stay with him knowing the woman he cheated on you with still worked with him. The baby isn't his, right? I really think that you need to get counselling to work out your issues. If you can't get over it, then you need to move on. Sorry for you suffering.
2006-08-24 13:18:26 · answer #7 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you should ask to yourself: what did I do or not do to give him reason to have sex with someone else?
Men usually goes outside to find what they cannot find inside.
Then, after a long conversation with yourself, try to communicate with him. If there is a reason (and 99% there is), you can resolve it.
Screaming on eachother won't resolve a problem.
2006-08-24 13:06:36 · answer #8 · answered by Emil Beli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have not gone thru this kind of situation but i would be leary of this woman still working for your husband..... she needs to go work elsewhere because she sounds like she HAS to have a man in her life and it dont matter who he is or who he belongs to... I would think as long as shes still there--- your never going to be able to over-come it... and i cant blame you
2006-08-24 13:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by heavensent41770 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋