My lover and partner of nearly 2 yrs has just decided he wants an "open relationship".?

Question

I don't know how to react, he still says that he wants me to me his partner, lover and friend, but he wants to experience other woman, just the thought of him being with someone else breaks my heart. I've loved him so long and I know that he has a good heart. I don't know what to do. By the way, he has been diagnosed as bipolar and he's in a manic state right now. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

Eek. I would say that if he wants to be with other women, the two of you need to break up.

But once he comes down from his manic episode, he might change his mind anyway (I'm bipolar as well, by the way).

Answer 2

Two things.

First, in order for there to be a stable beneficial relationship, your partner needs to get his condition under control. From what I understand, there is medication that can help. The common medication prescribed for a bipolar disorder is lithium carbonate. You may want to look up the effects that drug has on the user. Also, get information about bipolar patients. Although the behavior can be erractic, an open relationship is a well thought out plan. One thing about bipolar is that it is a condition of extremes. If he made the decision in a manic state of anger or depression, he would have moved out or done something extreme.

Second, he is using the condition in order to deal you an old line. Don't fall for it! If he wants an open relationship, he's really saying he wants out of the current relationship. It may even be that he feels bad because he has a condition and wants to provide you an out. But whatever the reason, let him go. However, continue to be a friend since he obviously needs one with this condition.

Just tell him after 2 years he either wants to be with you and only you, or he doesn't. Accept whatever his answer is and move forward from that point.

Answer 3

Since you mentioned that he is Manic, you think he doesn't not what he wants. For the moment he does, and it's you and someone else.

I dated a man that suffers from manic depression for 12 years. When he was good, he was REALLY good and when he was bad he was VERY bad. His condition got worse every year and his behavior along with it.

At his best he was loving, caring, kind, considerate, funny, intelligent, a joy to be around, honest...

At his worst he was a liar, cheater, manipulater, user, abuser, volatile, disrespectful, uncaring, unfeeling...

If your boyfriend does not take his meds he will always be like this. Do you want to live the rest of your life wondering when he will embarrass you by saying or doing the wrong thing in front of your friends and/or family?

We finally broke up after I got tired of a triangle, he wanted someone else too. He kept saying he would stop seeing her, but I wouldn't. I read a book called, "He's scared, She's scared" and I bought him a copy too. I told him that maybe it will help him with his next relationship because I was done. And I was, that was six years ago, and I have NO regrets and I am perfectly happy with a more deserving man.

The only way to help your friend, is (1) he has to want it - find a group theraphy session in your area, they are free. Try looking online for Manic support groups. (2) he has to take his medicine EVERYDAY. (3) he has to acknowledge that he needs the help otherwise, it's like trying to force a drug addict to get better and they are ready.

Without treatment, you are living with someone who is as bad off as an addict. A walking time bomb. Once during manic episode mine told me that he could kill me and not spend a day in jail. The courts told him differently.

Do you want to live like this? Don't you deserve better? I know you love him, but if he's not loving himself, or you, why stay? Trust me when I tell you, there are better men, that will treat you right, that don't have the problems.

Tell him you love him, but for your own sanity, you've got to go and do it!!! Love yourself MORE.

If you want to talk me, hit me at: [e-mail]

Answer 4

My wife and I have been swingers for several years and we both have played solo on occasion and even flirted with polyamory on occasion or two, so I can tell you this with experience behind me.

If it doesn't work for either of you, then it won't work for both of you. Something like this has to be something both people really want. There has to be a level of trust and security in the relationship that you know that that person really does see you as their number one and that they won't ever leave you. It's not an easy thing to do. Human insecurities are a drag.

It sounds more to me like he is having self-doubt, which is usually transfered to someone else because it's easier then facing your own crap. So realize it's not you. It's his issue. You are just fine.

It sounds to me like he has some real issues about where he is in his life right now and it is causing depression and exasperating his bipolar condition. He's probably looking for something like this to boost his self-esteem, because let's face it, being desired does that for everyone. He thinks being with other women will help him feel better about himself.

But that is always the wrong reason to enter an open relationship or a swinging situation. Looking for yourself in others will just cause more pain in the long run because you can't run away from yourself.

This is why the way our relationship works for us. We both know without a doubt in our mind that we will grow old together. We both know without a doubt in our mind that each of us loves the other above anyone else and that we are always, and will always be, the number one person in each other's life.

If you don't feel that, then an open relationship isn't for you.

I hope all that made sense. I know it kind of jumped around.

My best wishes to you.

Answer 5

IMO- i would recommend you deciding what you are/are not comfortable with.Everyone has a different definition of cheating. To some cheating is being sexual with anyone else than your s/o, while to others it is only cheating when there is lying involved. Open relationships are not for everyone and only you can make the decision about what is right for you. My strongest advice is make the decision for you-not for your s/o.

Answer 6

actual, i have not heard of this parenting style till coming near right here. even with the undeniable fact that that is slightly bothersome. My mum and dad did not precisely attempt this, yet i'm the oldest and my little sister form of sneaked in at the same time as i became 12. It sort of taken aback me to make certain how my mum and dad dealt with her. She became no longer potty-educated till she became 4, no remember what they reported or did. She slept with them till she became ten! yet with them it wasn't "we are letting her do what she needs and settle on at the same time as she stops". Their excuse became "we are a lot older than when we had you and the different 2." I do exactly not discover it sensible, and it fairly looks more desirable like lazy parenting than fairly parenting. And your baby might want to by no skill make certain the way you make certain. you're the make certain, no longer any opposite direction round.

Answer 7

if he is wanting an open relationship, then he has found someone that he wants to sleep with, and that could lead to trouble. All that an open relationship is doing, is asking for permission to cheat. What are you going to do if he decides that he likes this other lady better, and that he wants to be with her not you. If he really loved you, he would not have asked you this... Sorry

Answer 8

Hi tell you a joke, hope this will cheer you up. It goes:

-Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
-When did you first notice this problem?
-What problem?

Hope you like it. Be happy everyday.

I need to go to level 4. Help me and vote for me and I will vote for you also! Thanks! :-)

One more joke:

A guy calls his vet and says "What should I do with my cat?Vet says "What do you mean? Guy says "I had a leak in my lawnmowers gas tank and the cat drank the gas. Then the cat began to run around and around the yard, climbed a tree. then fell out of the tree stiff. Vet says "Is the cat dead? Guy replies "nope he ran out of gas.

Just be yourself and care for the people around you. When you love and care for the others, others will also show you the same love. Just don't give up!!

Answer 9

Say good bye to Bozo. He needs a psychiatrist and medication for his problem. Don't make him yours.
Be glad you know the problem. Marry him and you have nothing but hospital bills, your kids may inherit that and you will have a miserable life of mood swings. . Say No and let him go..

Answer 10

maybe it's a phase and he will get over it, but if not, then you should talk to him about how it's hurting you...
and if he really wants to experience someone else, maybe he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him, and you don't deserve that!! you deserve someone who wants you and YOU only!! bipolar and in manic state or not, you deserve better honey!!