Just to explain - I've been with my man for 18 months and togther we run a small Hotel. In the winter he likes to travel and this year he is willing to pay most of the costs for me to go with him (prob South Africa & Sri Lanka). However, I've always prided myself on not being a clingy type and think he might enjoy a break on his own (he likes hanging out with his friends and needs some time off to relax, I don't want him to feel like he's dragging me around and putting up with me and my inevitable womanly crises!). On the other hand I know he'd like to show off about the places he knows and I would love to see them. Plus I've agreed the family could stay at New Year, duh!
Should I go and make the most of a free holiday or let him go enjoy himself, appreciate the peace here, see my family for New Year instead and hope he misses me?! One minute I want to go, the other I want to stay and I know if I ask him he'll only say what he thinks I want to hear. HELP!
2006-08-24 05:40:51 · 13 answers · asked by Katie D 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hmmm tough call, I totally understand what you mean. You won't get a straight answer if you just asked him what he wants.
I think the best thing for couples is for each half to decide what they want and state it clearly, but without emotional 'loading', to the other person. Then if the wants are different you can negotiate.... for example you could only go for one week of the trip or something.
Reading between the lines on what you said though... if he is willing to pay and he's looking forward to showing you stuff.... he probably really wants you to come. I travel alot and it is a much more enjoyable experience with someone. Maybe just make a plan with him in advance about how is the best way for him to help you with any crises (I always say to my boyfriend that as long as he feeds me regularly and I sit and read my book for a couple of hours by the pool I can cope with anything.) Likewise, you can always spend a day apart when you are on holiday... He can go SCUBA diving while you shop or whatever it is you like to do.
I hope you go on the trip and have a fabulous time!
2006-08-24 06:06:11 · answer #1 · answered by SmartBlonde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go! It's chance to share things with your man that you two will remember forever. You can get away from the day-to-day drudgery and enjoy each other. If these are the places he loves, you'll get to learn a lot more about him as he shows them to you. It's a really great chance to bond more. Go! Go! Go!
BTW, South Africa is gorgeous. Durban has lovely beaches. The area around Cape Town is spectacular. I would love to go back.
2006-08-24 05:46:10 · answer #2 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let's see.....he invited you! maybe he actually loves you and wants to spend time with you. i don't know if this is bad news to you or not, but when a guy loves you he likes to take you with him everywhere he goes.
my man wouldn't accept a promotion to another state unless he could take me with him. Now we are married.
look, you know you want to go. if he wanted a break from you (btw this is never a good sign especially in a new relationship) he wouldn't have invited you in the first place. and if he invited you just to have you back out so he has a clear concience (sp?) then why would you want to be with a guy that's playing head games with you?
2006-08-24 05:56:02 · answer #3 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go, how often do you get the change to travel, plan a big easter/spring holiady with the family, i'm sure they have other places to go too! If he's willing and offered to pay the cost, why not go? He obviously wants you to.
2006-08-24 05:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him go off himself as if you work together and live together, it will probably do you both good to get a break. Why not ask him to be honest and say that you won't be offended whatever his answer is?
2006-08-24 06:14:52 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to go then go. I don't think he would have asked you if he didn't mean it. While on vacation give him some free space to do what he wants and go exploring on your own.
2006-08-24 05:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by kathy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I'll keep this brief...if he's offered to pay most of the costs, doesn't that mean that he would like you to come with him?
2006-08-24 08:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just talk with him and tell him exactly what you wrote here.. you don't need to decide on your own, you can do it together and feel good about it - communication is the key to any relationship and I guess this is your first "door"
2006-08-24 05:44:06 · answer #8 · answered by Wonder world 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well how long is he going for? if he's going for a month say .. why don't you go and visit him there for a week or so?
that way its best of both worlds :)
2006-08-24 05:43:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO FOR IT. You only live once, he wants you to go and you may not have this experience again... Live your live to the fullest.
2006-08-24 05:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by flinkadouchie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋