i feel like if i took them in they would be taking away from what i can barely give my 3 children. He provides for my kids anyway he can. I dont think we have room for them, i just bought a 3 bedroom house for my kids. what do i do, am i being selfish?
2006-08-24 05:37:58 · 8 answers · asked by Nancy R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The girls mother is deceased!
2006-08-24 05:44:30 · update #1
I think you are going to need to do some really fast talking to your boyfriend. There are a lot of issues that will need to be straightened out. Did you have any time to talk to him about this? You didn't mention their ages but who is supposed to watch all the children when you can't?
It's not the size of the house, but.......
Who is going to pay for their needs? Food, clothes, extras
Who will care for them? Are you expected to?
Who will cover the medical costs?
What is his pay to cover, and what is your pay to cover?
If it is going to work at all, you need the ground rules which should be set before the girls arrive. If you can't come to an agreement, then he needs a place of his own with his girls. Being selfish is not the issue but how much can you handle.
2006-08-25 16:19:55 · answer #1 · answered by Tweek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, a bit selfish yes. Remember that it only been recently that we need huge houses with lots of room for small families rather then small houses with little room for big families. Is he helping pay the mortgage? If so then you really shouldn't give him a hard time about bringing the kids in. If he isn't then he needs to start. You could all be very happy together if you figure out how to work it out. The kids can room together and be like brothers and sisters.
Just as an aside, my fiancees Aunt lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with her husband and 3 kids and they do just fine. Actually the kids are some of the best teenagers I have ever come across. A little humility is good for the soul.
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The children's mom has passed? That's sad. They really need to be with their daddy then, no doubt. My son's father has passed also. But, that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice a lot. he should be contributing to the household just as you do. It should be fair.
2006-08-24 12:43:56 · answer #2 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you live with your boyfriend. Well there is where the problem begins. There is not at this point in your relationship a "True" commitment, there have been no vows exchanged and at any time either of you may decide that the other is not right for the other. Take time to think how this will effect both sets of kids, and also consider what his kids may really think of you and your kids. Have you had any type of communication with his kids up until this major decision that is being made that will drastically change "ALL" of your lives forever!!!!! THINK GIRL THINK!!!!!!!!
Look at the way you put it "MY" kids and "HIS" kids there definitely needs to be more of an understanding so that you feel comfortable saying "OUR" kids.
2006-08-24 12:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by mrssimmonsbey@yahoo.com 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he feels the children would be better off with him then that is the way is should be and you shouldn't try to keep it all for you and yours you should look at it as they are yours as he has treated yours as his it isn't easy and if it is too much get out now and let him raise his and you raise yours this is coming from a mother of 4 and a step mother of 4 in which they all live with us
2006-08-24 14:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by doodiemoonwalker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look It will take some getting use to but you will see that ya'll can do it. If he can take care of your 3 and pay child surport for his two then ya'll will be able to make it work. As long as ya'll are happy the kids will be happy and everything will work out. Stop stressing out about it and don't try to stop him from getting his kids b/c if you do then ya'll will have big problems and then you are being selfish. Good luck
2006-08-24 12:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's helping look after your kids, you should give him the same consideration. You knew he had kids when you met him right? What if the kid's mother had died, he would have gotten custody then anyway or would you have asked him to give them to the state for foster care?
2006-08-24 12:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by kathy p 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this way, then you need to do whats best for YOUR kids and move on. He is doing whats best for HIS kids. Love is not a issiue here, kids are. If BOTH of you cannot treat ALL the kids the same, then you do not need to be together, for the KIDS sake.
2006-08-24 12:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's taking advantage of you. It's your house for you and your children. You invited HIM to come stay with you, not his children. It sounds like five kids under one roof will be total chaos. If I were you, I'd tell him that when he does get full custody of his two daughters, then that's time for him to go get his own place and take care of his own responsibilities. He sounds like he's just using you. Stand up for yourself and for your own three children.
2006-08-24 12:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋