I have often wonder how couples can have children together which I think is a life long commitment but then when asked why they don't marry they say its too big of a commitment financially, emotionally, etc. wouldn't it be better emotionally for the children to know their parents have committed to staying together. I know the argument that divorce is difficult on the children which it is but isn't just ending just as difficult and I would think easier to give up on each other when times are tough...just wondering, what are your opinons.
2006-08-24 04:36:55 · 12 answers · asked by sammie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are so right. It is as if they are saying that marriage is such a responsibility, who in the world would want to risk making a mistake on that. But kids, hey lets go ahead and have a few; we'll work out the details later. Yes, splitting up is just as hard on the kids whether the parents are married or just living together.
I have often wondered the same thing you asked. I am glad someone finally asked it. Thanks.
2006-08-24 04:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've wondered the same thing. Honestly, I think it's misguided thinking. After all, these people will cohabit, they will have children, they will buy a home together, they will even merge their finances together, so in effect, they are married!! There's not a legal paper saying they are, but for all intents and purposes, they are. And when/if they separate, they're going to have to undo all that, same as if they were married...EXCEPT they won't have marriage laws (community property, etc.) on their side and it's even messier than a divorce. My sister went through this a few years ago, but fortunately she didn't have children with the guy. If you're going to have a child together, then please get married first!!
2006-08-24 04:41:11 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about guys, but at least for women it sometimes comes down to choosing to have kids with a man who is "not ready" for marriage, or not have them at all. I've seen cases where this was a conscious choice on the part of a woman - she wanted to have kids, but for whatever reason was convinced that she would never meet "the right one", so she just settled for what she had at the time. I do agree that many times women get pregnant "accidentally", without giving it much thought - and it is irresponsible; but other times, one can be motivated by more than what can be seen on the surface.
2006-08-24 05:01:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couples who have children together " talk the talk, but can't walk the walk! " Neither party wants to be " trapped" in a marriage because neither of them truly feel it's for a lifetime. When the going gets tough, THEY want to get going....away from each other! Marriage, today, seems like an impossible task for many to commit to. Sooooooooo, just having children together seems to be one way of avoiding the whole LEGAL marriage deal; if it doesn't work out, oh well----no lawyers, no money to be shelled out, and no red letter 'D' on either of their chests for all the world to see!!!!
2006-08-24 04:45:21 · answer #4 · answered by lacontessagigi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally agree - at the end of the day whether parents split up or "divorce" it has the same effect on the children so this is just a crap excuse. I guess people dont see having children as such a big thing.
2006-08-24 04:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by boo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They foolishly believe that having a child will magically make a family -- this is an illusion - a lie that we tell ourselves. If you don't want the 18-20yr commitment - DON'T have KIDS. IF you accept this commitment - GET MARRIED!
2006-08-24 04:56:10 · answer #6 · answered by Freya T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100% with you. People plan children with each other but dont feel like thier partner is good enough to marry???????
2006-08-24 04:38:37 · answer #7 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See people have sex all the time not intending for a baby it just happens, they may not even love each other, and their stayin together for the baby.
2006-08-24 04:52:42 · answer #8 · answered by Mahogany D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because some ppl get pregenat well before the talks of marriage e very come in to play
2006-08-24 05:07:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the kids arn't planned.
I think you would have so much responsibility when you have children.
It may be that they don't want to feel obligated to marry the person.
2006-08-24 04:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by Adam G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋