I love my boyfriend. but good lord is he a manipulator. He feels he needs to be in control. like a natural instinct to be the one that says what goes. Its in the way he says things. If I want to do something. He manipulates the conversation to where he has the upperhand. I feel like its a game for him. And god forbid he loses. I know that he has things he needs to work out. But i really want to know how I can manipulate someone who trys to manipulate me all the time. I dont know if he knows he does that or doesnt. He is very smart though. He is able to do that with most people. That why I feel its just his survival instincts. the problem is that he sends out a message. I control you. You cant try to stop it. I want to figure out a way to outsmart him with responses to his manipulation. I need some sources. HELP!!!!
3 minutes ago - 3 day(s) left to answer.
2006-08-24 04:31:29 · 15 answers · asked by dalia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First you should get a back bone. Nobody can walk all over you unless you allow them to. Nobody TAKES controls you GIVE IT AWAY. He might know you are too scared to stick up for yourself which leads me to point 2.
Second, keep your guard up with him. That can easily be a red flag to get out of the relationship. But if its not that serious then deal. Being a manipulator has to be part of your character. If you got it... well...its not something you teach. Like I said, grow a backbone and don't relinquish control.
2006-08-24 04:42:06 · answer #1 · answered by Creole 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe it or not, it's a sign of weakness. He has to be in control because he has a very low self esteem, maybe not about everything but about something that is very important in his life.
I'm no expert but have made the mistake of being married to two different "controllers" and both times learned the hard way that they don't change and they only get worse.
You can try to find out what is askew in his life that causes him to feel like he has to be in complete control and help him to face it but more times than not he will only deny that he has a problem.
That would be a sign of weakness.
Good luck but watch out. If you see it getting worse, trust me, it won't get better. Get out.
2006-08-24 11:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by camille s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW !! Isn't this the classic subdued woman scenario??? First, if you do research, you will find that control freak manipulators eventually turn out to be wife-beaters. Now you know what the future holds for you.
Second, I want to laugh when you ask for advice to become a disgusting manipulator like him for revenge. DRAMA QUEENS love to be with manipulators because it satisfies their need for DRAMA (manipulation, deceit, control).
Finally, you both need help to just sit down and discuss your relationship with a third party. BUT LEOPARDS DON'T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS, so if your intention is to change him, leave now. If you want to get to a workable compromise, then you both need to be able to SIMPLY EXPLAIN YOUR CONCERNS AND FEELINGS POLITELY.
Good Luck
2006-08-24 11:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try talking to him about it (being careful to be polite and think what you're saying through carefully). That would probably work better than just plain refusing to do things he asks you to do. If you still find he's doing it and it's still that much of a problem for you, you should consider leaving him; most professional sources say that if you're going to get out, get out before you're too far in.
2006-08-24 11:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he's just a control freak. If I were you I would tell him goodbye. No man is worth giving up your own sense of worth for. Basically he is doing this to assert to you that HE is the boss. Relationships shouldn't work that way. You are equals and should act as such. No one person is always right nor should one person make all the decisions.
2006-08-24 11:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by Zenobia420 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch for patterns in his manipulative behaviors. If youre able to predict what he will say or do you can plan accordingly. If that doesnt work try a knee to his nuts!
2006-08-24 11:35:59 · answer #6 · answered by Buzz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be one step ahead of him. You should ask yourself "what would he say if I said this"? Than when you know what he might say, figure out a counter action for it. Don't let him "beat you in the head" as my sister puts it. You're too smart for that. Be strong and firm.
2006-08-24 11:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by gemone523 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man must always win. Forget the preaching of the womens lib movement if you can not live with that move to Seattle where most men were raised by single mommys to think like you want a man to think.
2006-08-24 11:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by PAUL_THE_WISE_ONE_TRUST_ME 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to call him on what he does. Everytime he does it let him know that you see what he's doing. If you tell him he is trying to manipulate things and trying to win he will start to change because he will see exactly what he is doing. Some people don't realize they do what they do because know one tells them exactly what it is they are doing.
2006-08-24 11:34:48 · answer #9 · answered by nastaany1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, the most important thing to address is that you can't change anyone, you can only change yourself.
if you will look at yourself and your reponses to him, perhaps you can see the way to stand up for yourself, respect yourself, and respect him. don't buy into emotional responses. don't be manipulated. think objectively, and then you will behave objectively.
*hugs* and good luck! i think it's great that you have recognized this problem and are going to deal with it.
2006-08-24 11:36:09 · answer #10 · answered by georgia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋