Should I move on?

Question

I have been married for 13 years and at first our marriage was really good, we got marrred at 15. As the years went by we never really talked anymore.I know that we loved each other but just didn't show it.I started telling my husband that I was going to leave if things didn't change his answer was always I don't give a crap leave if you want to I don't care. So after hearing this so many times I believed he meant it. I meet a builder I am a Realtor and became good friends with him and eventually had a affair with him I know the affair was wrong but I thought my husband didn't care after all that is what he told me so many times.My husband knows what happened as I told him we tried to make it work but I think neither of us thought the other meant it and now he has moved out and says he is tired of trying. This builder I know really loves me and has been there for me this whole time even as just a frind to talk to. I love my husband and I can't imagine my life w/o him. What should I do?

Answer 1

If you really want to make it work, then try marriage counseling.

Answer 2

Try spending some time apart. Use this separation to see how you really feel.
Its not going to be easy, you've been with each other for 15 years, whether you care about him or not, its going to hurt really, really, bad.
But don't be afraid of new things.
Your husband doesn't sound like he wants this relationship anymore than you.
What could work really good is if you could keep your husband as a friend, maybe he could be a better friend than a husband.
Just take a break right now, maybe you two need a break to rekindle your love. Or maybe you need to be apart so you can see there are other people out there that are going to make you feel the way you want to feel in a relationship.
I've been there. When me and my first husband broke up, I thought I was going to die. I brought it on myself, seeing I was cheating right in front of him. When he did leave, I about had a break down.
Then I met my next husband and I have realized what love really is. Don't be afraid to spend some time apart to find out what both of you really want.

Answer 3

It sounds like the two of you fell out of love a long time ago. I think you love each other but aren't "in love" with each other anymore. I think you are more in love with the idea of being married to your first love and living happily ever after. Unfortunately, in hooking up so young, you both still had many changes and developing to do in life. It can be scary thing to contemplate leaving the only life and security you've known. It's comfortable, even if it's not lively and loving. Sounds to me like you've both already "left" the relationship (him mentally and you physically). Sometimes giving up doesn't mean you're weak. Sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go. Thank your lucky stars there are no kids involved (I'm assuming) and that you are still young enough to get out there and find love and happiness. Oh, and about the builder....don't jump from the frying pan into the fire!! I think you should try to stand on your own and get to know and be comfortable with yourself first before becoming involved with any man again. Maybe try it on your own for a while. Either way, best of luck.

Answer 4

13 years… Lucky for some… Not so for you!!!

I just had a read of the question you asked before this one.
You got some good responses, so hopefully you will take the time to read them!!!

As far as this question is concerned, you married when you were 15 years young.
I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but you married way too young!!!

What’s done is done, and there is no undoing it!
Where you go to from now, is something you have to decide.
Nobody can make that decision for you!!!

You were unfaithful to your husband…
quite possibly, he was unfaithful to you as well, only he would never admit it to you!!!

Unless you and your husband are prepared to make a firm commitment to saving your marriage, then you had best get used to the idea of it being over.

You neglected to mention that you have two children to the marriage…
That was a really important thing you left out.
A lot of the responses you have been giving to your question would have been totally different, had people realised there were kids involved.

Any decision that you and your husband make, should give strong consideration to the needs of your children. You brought them into this world… you are both responsible for their wellbeing and their happiness!!!

Talk to your husband. Ask him if he wants to try to save the marriage, and if he would be prepared to go with you to talk to a counsellor. Tell him that in fairness to the children, you believe it is best to seek professional help from a counsellor. If he says he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you ever again, then you may just have to accept that your marriage is over, and move on with life without him. No matter which way it goes, both you and your husband remain responsible for the welfare of the kids!!!

Answer 5

,You have to answer a few questions for yourself first. Why can't you imagine life without your husband? Is it only because you have been with him for so long? Is it because you truly love him? If you truly love him, ask him if he wants to go to counseling and give it another try. Tell him you love and can't imagine being without him. If it is just because you have been together so long and your husband does not want to try, you will need to move on. You will be surprised how well you can do without him. After all, if he doesn't want to try and doesn't care how you feel, it isn't much of a marriage.

These are questions only you can answer. I know it is hard for you. I was divorced after 14 years of marriage. In my case it was for the best. He didn't seem to want to try and I don't think I was really " in love" anymore. I was scared too. It seemed as if I had been married most of my life and I couldn't imagine being alone. Everyone is different, I think only you can decide.

Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 6

You love him and can't live w/o him, yet you tell him on a regular basis that you're going to leave him. Then, to make matters worse, you cheated on him. Hmmmmm, sounds like he called your bluff dearie, and made the decision for you. If you think your husband would agree to counseling, you can try that, but honestly, this may be too far gone, and the best thing to do is to cut your losses, and yes, move on. If you do manage to convince him to take you back, hopefully you realize that you must sever all contact with the builder "friend." He has no place in your life if you're trying to save your marriage. Hopefully you've learned how NOT to make a marriage work.

Answer 7

Oh my goodness, where do I begin...Marriages come and go these days because people loose sight of who they feel in love with, we all change. We forget how to communicate with each other. It is so sad to see how many marriages end because we end up telling the other one what is going on and how we are feeling, when we should be sitting down with our spouse and telling them how much we are hurting!!! And isn't that what it really is?
Get rid of the other guy, because look, if he'll do it with you, then he'll do it to you, eventually!!!! Don't become another statistic of a 13 year marriage that just didn't work, the both of you need to do whatever you need to do to work through this, not for the kids sake, but for your sake and your peace. Get on your knees and pray, pray, pray, Get into a good church, talk to your pastor,
& have a personal relationship with God. If your not in church, then this all probably sounds absurd, but it will all be worth it.
Be a couple that is admired for your strength, and enduring love towards one another... Good Luck and May God be with you and your family!!

Answer 8

Sounds like the decision has been made for you, If your Husband does not want to be married, then its over. It takes TWO to make a marriage. You need to move on. believe me if your relationship is half as bad as you say, you'll be much happier in the long run. You just need to make the decision and go with it, the pain will end sooner than you think.

Answer 9

Did you try marriage consoling? If you love him and think you can make it work if you both try then give it one last try but if it doesn't work then you both need to move on. When trust is broken it is hard to fix. It sounds like the trust was broken on both parts. It has to be something that you both want. Explain to him that if he say he doesn't care you are going to take it at face value. Me and my husband were in the same boat. I never cheated. I need get lonely and that is hard. I almost left. His "I don't care." turned into something grand. Sometimes we have to fight for love but you also have to know when to quit. Give it one more good shot and really try and believe. Show him that you mean that you love him and want to be with him.

Answer 10

you can't love someone you can't have a life with. you're in love with the time you have spent with one another rather than loving each other. there's a huge difference. if you're not happy and nothing is changing then get out of the marriage unless you want to continue a marriage full of infidelity. marriage, cheating on husband with other men..that's not a life nor a marriage. that's hell decorated with the past(that's already dead). get divorced and move on.

Answer 11

I am in a similar situation.... We have a beautiful 5 year old, so it is really hard. I sounds like he didn't try, and as hard as it is, move on and move slowly with this other guy. You guys were together SO YOUNG and people change so much in that amount of time. Good luck with any decision you make!