I have an idea about some of the questions that may be asked, but would like to hear from someone that has already gone through the process. What questions were asked of you and your fiance/fiancee?
2006-08-24 04:10:59 · 14 answers · asked by just r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are in agreement about how many kids we want, the finances, etc. His parents approve of me and enjoy my company. I think we will be ok I'm just a private person and just don't want to be asked extremely personal questions by the pastor, who is alos a good friend. I think I'd feel uncomfy around him after counseling depending on what is asked of us. Maybe we should see a stranger or get self-help premarital counseling books?
2006-08-24 04:24:52 · update #1
Yes. I did it, and now we're divorced. Unless you are required by the church I wouldnt really recommend it. Its a waste of time and money.
2006-08-24 04:23:10 · answer #1 · answered by t_matczak 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes. They were basic questions about how we related to each other and incorporating faith into our lives, daily routine, etc etc. It's the same as secular premarital counseling, I would imagine, but add faith.
It might be awkward at times, mine was a little bit, but it's very good to go. Pastors have heard a lot, so if there are any lingering issues or doubts, discuss. Talking is very very important in a marriage, and you want to keep the communication lines open with your sig o, as well as family and friends.
It's a tough times with tensions running high, I know, but you'll do fine. You're seeking help here, so keep that in mind, that you are empowered and wonderful. Make sure that sig o understands this as well. Men aren't always the best communicators, as I'm sure you well know.
I like the analogy about how guys will get together to do an activity, i.e. football, poker, etc whereas women will sit around and talk without an activity being necessary for bonding.
2006-08-24 11:16:00 · answer #2 · answered by Sharon G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my ex-husband and I got married, I insisted on being married by a church official. The pastor we selected required several counseling sessions with us and asked mostly general questions. For example, we each completed a questionnaire about priorities and then compared our answers. We also discussed things like children, family, and finances but I think the priorities piece was the most important thing we did. Looking back, I should've paid more attention to those priority differences because in the end I think they were our undoing.
I've talked to many people who went through premarital counseling, and so much of what's discussed depends on the Church denomination and on the personality of the pastor himself. For example, the Catholic Church can get extremely personal in their counseling sessions. From the literature I've seen, it could be seen as a list of what NOT to do in the bedroom...
Now, 14 years later, I'm considering marriage again. This time, we talked through priorities and how to handle finances, etc. before marriage was even on the table. I think that's better, because now I don't care what other people think about us, our relationship, or our chances together. I don't feel the need for the approval of a church official. The most important thing is to be able to talk about what's important.
2006-08-24 12:17:14 · answer #3 · answered by 40yomama 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just state that you don't want to go there. Believe it or not, they don't have to know that you're both in agreement on everything. Just say that's too personal a question and you don't feel comfortable answering. Or however you want to phrase it.
The Pastor may say well, sex is a big part of Biblical teaching or whatever, but you still don't have to say anything about it.
Believe it or not, the counseling doesn't even come into play when you're having problems later. This is because people change in relationships, and they're not the same as when they got married.
2006-08-24 14:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, we did and that was 16years ago. Tomorrow is our anniversary and we are still happy and still talk to the Pastor who married us. He will basically want to make sure you and your future spouse are on the same page as eachother as far as life goes. Children, Spiritual well-being, working outside of the home, finances, retirement, problem solving. This is to make sure you have the best possible chance at a successful marriage in this day and age. He may ask if you have been having premarital intimacy. If you have, he may tell you to not do that anymore until the wedding night. But I honestly don't believe you will be asked anything else personal. God Bless!
2006-08-24 11:19:40 · answer #5 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At our church every couple is counseled before they get married by the pastor. It was great. He never asked about Pre-Marital Sex or anything, but just about finances, kids, who makes decisions about what, and some scripture to look at incase we were ever fighting about something. It was actually very comfortable, and we come from a small town where everyone knows everyone. I would feel comfortable going back to him if ever my husband and I had problems, but so far none and we'll be married 10 years next June! Good Luck and best wishes!
2006-08-24 11:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by Jules 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We went to counseling by both my pastor and hers. Her pastor asked several abstract questions about how we would handle finances, children, arguing, etc. He then told her he didn't think she would be happy with me in 10 years. My pastor asked us about our relationship with the Lord, and gave us some quidelines to base our marriage on, such as attending church, praying together, fulfilling our positions as husband and wife according to scripture. We have been happily married for 27 years and have 5 children.
2006-08-24 11:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have. That was the only way that he would marry us. He was a pastor. There was nothing to it. I have been married for 6 years now. Don't worry. The answers you give can't be any worse then what he has already heard.
2006-08-24 11:19:24 · answer #8 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to know what the questions are. Just answer them honestly. It is not a test. They are seeing if you are ready for marriage or not. They make you think and then they make you talk to you fiance/fiancee. Good move gets you both talk and communicate.
Be yourself
2006-08-24 11:21:48 · answer #9 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are the two of you in agreement over..
...how many, if any, children you want?
... how to raise and discipline those children?
... religious views?
... financial matters?
.... household chores/responsibilites?
... how each gets along with the in-laws? (example: Does his mom try to boss you around, and if so, does he stand up for you or her, or do anything at all?)
Just some ideas.
2006-08-24 11:17:57 · answer #10 · answered by Duende71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes - i had it - by a catholic priest who ended up getting arrested years later for giving communion wine to little boys and then having his way with them - so who made him an expert on counseling engaged couples. p.s. i am now divorced!
2006-08-24 11:17:38 · answer #11 · answered by livetall1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋