I had an affair with a man that I work with, I really thought that my marriage was coming to an end. We never spent time together. My husband would have rather spent time with his father or friends than with me. I felt neglected and then this man came into my life and showed me how I should have been treated. I told my husband what had happened and he acted like he wanted to try to save our marriage at first but he kept bringing up what happened and I don't blame him but he expected me to get over what I did and all I felt was him trying to throw it back into my face over and over again. He has now walked out my life and when I cal him he really doesn't even act like he wants to talk to me. We have been married for 13 years and we have 2 children together. I know we have always loved each other but never showed each other that much. I would tell him I had something I wanted to talk about and he would tell me he didn't want to talk, he never seemed to have time for me. What should I do?
2006-08-24 03:45:36 · 16 answers · asked by Confused Beyond Belief 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well first of all ...for better or worst....you shouldn't have cheated on him after all these years of marriage. If you feel alone talk with him don't try to find it else where. "thought your marriage was coming to an end" that's why you don't get paid to think. Of course this man showed you how you should have been treated. He was trying to get into your pants. Well I guess you were easy for him being you are so gullable.Stop thinking with your heart and think with your brain. Cheating ruins a marriage and most can never recover. Sorry but it's the truth. You not only cheated on your husband but you also cheated your kids. The world needs to stop thinking sex is everything...there is more to life than that. How to show him you love him "beyond believe" I don't thimk you do...if you did you would have never been able to lay with another man.
2006-08-24 03:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by e_deckwa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the option of talking about things passed you by when you made the decision to bed down with the other man. I'm pretty sure your husband probably feels the same way. I'm not being accusatory, just honest.
Honestly, your husband probably feels hurt, betrayed, angry, and immasculated after learning of your affair. That's a lot of stuff to have to work through mutliplied by the fact that he feels he can no longer trust you. With all that stuff going on, honestly I can't blame him for throwing it into your face. Think how you'd feel if the tables were reversed.
While I like to believe that there's always hope, if you'd been the one who was betrayed, would you want to talk to him? Be honest with him this time around. Tell him exactly how you feel. Listen to him about his feelings. If he's a forgiving man, once things are all out in the open, if you BOTH love each other, you can work through it. If not, it's a lesson learned.
2006-08-24 03:55:05 · answer #2 · answered by genetic_traitor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel like if you really ever loved your husband you would have never went elsewhere!!!sounds like youre blaming your affair on everything wrong in your relationship!!!actually you should have tried to convince your husband that if something didnt change then you were going to leave him!!!actually saying you were going to leave and doing it would have been two completely different things.infidelity in a marriage has no excuses.infedility is something that destroys a marriage.im sure you thought about that everytime you undone your clothes for him,,,if not you didnt truly love the other man anyway..your husband truly loved you and he still does.but,,,after trying to make it work for so long after he found out about the affair shouldve shown you that he truly loved you.but you kept the other man at bay,,waiting to see what you were going to do.there has ben alot of wrong doing in this marriage and both of us ,im sorry both of you two are going to have to live with the consequences.hopefully you two can become really good freinds after all this is over.sorry to tell you this but it seems you were not ready to try to make it work until he gave up!!!he really does care about you and he showed it but you just kept twisting the knife in his back.sometimes youve got to call it quits when enough is enough.
goodluck
im sure he'll still be there to
help you in anyway he can
2006-08-24 04:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by scard4lif 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like many couples who have been married for several years, when you talk, it is mostly about what needs to be done around the house, what the kids did wrong, what bills need paying, or what's wrong with his/her family. To most guys, this comes across as nagging, and they would rather not talk at all rather than have to talk about negative things. Marriage takes work. You have to keep doing little things to show you still love each other. Saying 'I love you" doesn't work if your actions aren't showing it. Can you marriage be salvaged? I don't know. But don't give up on it yet. If there is still love there, it will win out. Remember, you broke his trust, it will take time to heal.
2006-08-24 03:57:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard, because when people keep throwing this kind of thing up in your face it could be that he has cheeted on you can now he has you(gilt ridden) so he can mold the situation to divert what he is doing. It sound like this relation ship could be over. I would recomend trying to see a marrage councler. Each person is diffrend and he could not be doing any thing behind your back but he just lost his respect for you, You can just say it like it is, DO YOU LOVE ME? and you can ask your self can we work this out, I am not going to bend over backwords for you, I admit I did a mistake but it happens to alot of people! WE needs to spend more time together! you can just try somthing like that also...
Hope that you can find the help you need eather in this answer or some of the other Yahoo answers Post!
2006-08-24 03:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by Adam D. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but you have broken the trust that both of you had in the marraige. IF there is no trust it will never be the same. Even if it is years down the line, he will always have that in the back of his head. You either should've never told him, or never have done it.Once trust is broken it is hard to see anything else. I've been on both sides of the fence, in my first marraige. The children may be the only glue holding it together. It may ruin his devotion to you. Infadelity is a terrible thing in marraige some last and some don't. It's hard to answer that one.
2006-08-24 03:50:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell him abotu all of the pain and discomforts the act is causing you. im sure he'll understrand then. if you dont want to have sex, then just to foreplay. and have sex only a few times a week. you shouldnt be under the influence of any substence just for you to have sex with im. unless its a femine pill that boosts your libido. but maybe you should just not take the "mood altering substence" . you need tot ell him howyou feel and how much this is hurting you. and bring up on what you found on the computer. you should go to the doctors to check out to see if anything is wrong with your back and see what they can do abotu your hips =( im sorry what you are going though. but if he truly cares abotu you and how you are feeling he will understand. he is your husband "for better or for worse" just keep an eye on him and the websites though, sounds a little suspicious.... i think when you are also at the doctors you should talk to him/her about how to increase your libido, if theres a pill or remedies that can help. i hope things get better for you though.
2016-03-17 02:03:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear i feel so sorry about ur situation.
The only solution to ur situation is to show him you really love him in all you do.you know those things that make his heart go hmm do them over and over again,call him and tell him you still love him very much,tell him you are very sorry for what happened and make him understand that u still need more of him, call him first thing in the morning,last thing at night register ur interest everyday.
love can keep up with anything and hopes everything turns out good never let him go
you are a woman you know what i mean.
2006-08-24 04:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him have his space and make his decision. If you guys really love each other and are meant to be than God will repair your relationship. You cant be tempted by lust and act on those feelings. You really need to become 1 with your husband. Give him time and space to see what happens. What you need to do is take care of yourself and children to show him you have changed.Good luck.
2006-08-24 03:50:11 · answer #9 · answered by fabinnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, sounds like a very hurtful situation for both of you. He is definetely hurt since you cheated when he was only being with his dad. And you are hurt because you have been neglected and taken for granted for sooo looong.
I recommend reading "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay," by Dr. Mira Kirshenbaum. It will save you many months of therapy. It will take you step by step. It is an extraordinary book.
2006-08-24 04:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by avll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋