divorced with kids?

Question

How did the divorce affect your kids? Looking back would you have stayed for their sake even though you were unhappy and no longer if love with your spouce? Did you feel selfish getting out just for you?

Answer 1

Sometimes in is not a choice...it is a MUST. Nothing selfish about that and you do the best you can.

Answer 2

I do not feel guilty about getting a divorce from my kids father cause he was very abusive and I didn't want my kids growing up believing they can treat a woman or anyone in that way. I was abused verbally, physically and mentally. It is really difficult raising 2 kids on my own, but I have done it and anyone can too. It takes dedication and determination, and I would do it all over again if I had to just so that my kids can have a healthy, happy life. I got out because my parents didn't have me to be someone's punching bag. My kids are old enough to know why I finally got the courage to leave and from me telling them they have respect for women and anyone.

Answer 3

From the other end of the spectrum, my parents had absolutely no buisness staying together as long as they did. They were deserately unhappy for so many years I cant remember. And all the while they used "the kids" as an excuse for their co-dependence. I had a very unhappy childhood because I cant recall my parents being happy with each other.

I remember praying for divorce as a kid, when the fights got bad enough, and Pops would leave, we kids would all hope he wouldnt come back.

Be carefule you make the right decision for everyone here. Good luck with that.

Answer 4

Ideally kids want their parents together. I would not have stayed for my kids. I felt so miserable, almost like there was a noose around my neck. I had this heavy feeling in my chest, like someone was standing on it and holding me down. For years when I was married I did things for my kids. I would go without clothes so they could have what they needed. I put me on the back burner. I didn't feel selfish at all when I decided to get divorced. I had to put me first for a change. When it was all over and done I wish I would have done it sooner. It was the fear of not making it alone that kept me stuck Now I know I could have made it on my own.

Answer 5

MY DIVORCE OBVIOUSLY UPSET MY KIDS IMMENSLEY, THEY WERE AGED 6 AND 3 AT THE TIME, NOW AGED 12 AND 9 THEY ARE VERY HAPPY CHILDREN, WHO HAVE ADJUSTED GREATLY TO THE SITUATION, WHENEVER THEY HAD A QUESTION I WOULD ANSWER IT THE BEST I COULD, AS FOR STAYING IN THE MARRIAGE JUST FOR THERE SAKES, IT WORKS FOR A WHILE BUT THEN YOU BECOME MORE UNHAPPY WHICH THE KIDS NOTICE, SO IN THE LONG RUN IT IS THE BEST THING TO DO IF IT IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE. OF COURSE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THE KIDS GOING THROUGH IT BUT YOU JUST HAVE TO BE THERE FOR THEM EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY FOR THEM TO GET THROUGH IT.

Answer 6

my divorce put a smile on my kids faces - they had been mentally, physically and verbally abused by the rat bastard, so in my case the divorce has only had a positive affect. only wish i did it sooner instead of wasting my time on counseling trying to make it work. i do not feel selfish at all - i just feel bad the marriage failed, but when you're dealing with a mentally ill person there is nothing you can do if they think nothing is wrong with them. i am finally free!

Answer 7

Here is a question you need to ask yourself. Are you willing to stay and take care of your kids and let your wife leave?

If answer is no then it has not nothing to do with you loving your wife or not. It is you wanting to run away.

Divorce is devastating to kids. It will hurt them for ever. Sometimes because of fighting with your other half is so bad it is better to divorce than put them through that.

Divorce suck for all including both husband and wife.

Answer 8

No, never stay for the sake of the kids...it's not being selfish to get away from something that makes you miserable. Kids are alot smarter than we think and if you're miserable they are. Unhappiness in a family takes it's toll on everyone involved not just one.

Be understanding of their feelings, alot of younger children tend to blame themselves for their parents divorcing, and you need to sit them down (both of you perferably) and let them know "WHY" this happened, and that it's not their fault. They know alot more than you think, it's best just to be honest with them.

Try and get along is the biggest thing, you may "hate" each other, but they are YOUR children and never bad mouth each other in front of them.

You both brought them into the world and you are both still their parents and need to work together in raising them and being civil to each other in front of them, they are hurting enough.

Answer 9

My kids are happier now since I am no longer stressed out and the fussing and arguing is done. Don't ever stay for the kids' sake cause in the end u being happy is what makes them happy too

Answer 10

Its been rough but when its all said and done it was the best decision for all of us. My kids are happier now that they don't witness the daily abuse I went through for so many years and I really had to get out while my boys were young so that they would not think that the way their father treated me was the way to treat a woman.

Answer 11

personal experance it scews your kids up worse to stay for them to leave and find happniess! They will need time to adjust but if you stay in an unhappy enviorment they know and then they grow up to think that's how it should be! You just need to make sure that they know it is not thier fault you left and that you both will always love them and that will not change it is just mom and dad don't love each other any more and that will never chance thier love for the kids!!!