I recently got married and my teenage daughters are difficult if they are not getting there way.. We had to uproot them and move to my hubby's hometown and State.. they have adjusted for the most part and I understand it is difficult.. but they take it out on him and he argues with them as if he was a teenager at times.. I am in the middle constantly cause he gets angry at them and is heartless at times and they are disrespectful to him.. I am in the middle and I can't make either happy.. I am at my wits ends..I have tried to talk to both parties but no use both stubborn and think I need to side with either or.. How do i choose? and if I do not agree with one or the other I am the bad guy all around... I know no one and have no where to turn... desperate to save a marriage and to not let my children down at same time.. Hubby responds that I am trying to be popular with my kids.. Not true.. Sometimes I just don't agree with him.. And sometimes I dont agree with them.. Head hurts...
2006-08-24 02:16:15 · 19 answers · asked by lilbitohoneybee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You should have sttelled that issue with your hubbay far before ..?! now you got to take a positive role playing the stick and carrot role with both sides .. the kids love you and should do anything to make you happy .. while your husband should understand that he has to play his father like role to make you happy and try to paiently help him in this task.
2006-08-24 02:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by ohwaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself, more often than I'd like and maybe not done.
Have a family meeting. Before that, while you and hubby are both calm, have a pre-meeting, just the two of you. Establish goals FIRST, then what you can't agree on, set aside for the next meeting in a few weeks or agree to an interim rule. Establish roles next. The authority can be shared but it will be tough because kids will choose the weakest link to get things they want, or the more willing link.
Next. Have the family meeting. Do the same thing. Establish the goals through the kids and find out what goals they want. Identify real goals and less realistic goals. Then the roles among the kids.
With some prayer and understanding, this situation can be made stable.
Establish blanket disciplinary measures for disrespect. First time offense will be easy, say a verbal warning (no yelling). And then up the ante on each repeat offense until it peaks at say, restriction, loss of privileges for a day or something else REASONABLE. Then, neither you or hubby can't just drop the heat because you got so angry from some kid mouthing off.
Good luck.
2006-08-24 09:27:41 · answer #2 · answered by Brandon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your first problem is marrying a Man who doesn't handle kids well. not yo say that the kids are right or respectful but an adult with tack and understanding should know how to deal with children acting like children.i am sure you were aware of the friction when you decided to marry this man and chalked it up to the children's resentment. regardless of the kids reasoning's the adults should have dealt with this before hand. what can you do??? my true opinion is if the children and he don't get along the marriage is= doomed . you have to be involved with people who are on the same thought process as you are especially when you have kids.you can't be the peacemaker that just isn't possible.i am sorry to tell you this but peace in your home isn't about to happen any time soon.how He handles the kids tells the story,not you.
2006-08-24 10:02:10 · answer #3 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow don't want to have to do that again! I was like your teenagers, was one of four siblings to go through my parents divorce and then a step father. I think that is why i try so much harder with the father of my children. Divorce is a horrible thing to go through for anyone but being hormonal like your teenage children makes it so much harder.My sisters and myself could not get a long at all with our step father, very similar to the situation that you are in at the moment. I feel that we had very little respect for him as well, and that he had very little for us .I really don't think he wanted an instant family just my mother, but obviously figured out that it was a package deal or nothing. Mini prophet answered you will have to wait until they get older, well that's what happened in our case as well. We left home, didn't have to put up with him and were much happier in our lives. We now all get on fine.Its probably not what you wanted to hear but sorry. He might benefit by spending some time with your daughters or maybe all going on a holiday together to get to know each other better.
2006-08-24 09:55:29 · answer #4 · answered by mermaiden_4_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them that I am no longer the middle man. That it is a problem that they need to resolve and you are neutral in the whole matter because you aren't going to be their referee.. they want to act like children then they can argue it out amongst themselves and I would just get up and walk out when they start... after a while they will realize that trying to play you against each other won't work and they will settle their differences.
2006-08-24 09:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Well hearing your first statement difficult teenage daughters... That in itself is a normal thing I bet you can remember being a teen... however with disrespectfulness twards your husband you need to put your foot down.. and with a spitful mouth of your husbands you need to put your foot down there also. I would have a family sit down with everyone and then blow up on them both for acting so terribly to each other and putting you into the middle of the cross fire. Also teenagers need a good guiding hand as they are on the path to becoming adults... make sure that you put them on the right pathways.
Good Luck!
2006-08-24 09:24:29 · answer #6 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, Grumpy, needs to stop smocking crack while giving advice. Second, in respond to the question, you need a neutral party to intervene so that you are not called partisan in this. Both relationships are very important to you and its not fair that ou feel so torn and it seems like all sides need to learn a thing or two about communication and respect so why not go to counseling through your church, school, or a private therapist. it might be worth every penny...and you will get peace of mind and save your marriage and relationship with your daughters...
2006-08-24 09:23:45 · answer #7 · answered by TrueSoul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very simple.. u have to lay down the rules and let them know that they r children and u and ur husband r the adults... let them know unless they have a job or unless they r adults and can take care of themselves it's what u say.. let them know that u r not gonna tolerate the disrespect.. let them know that u have a right to be happy and that u will be as soon as they start acting like young adults and not bratty a s s kids....
maybe u should also consider family therapy for ur children....
2006-08-24 09:21:37 · answer #8 · answered by Queen D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit down with hubby and your teens and agree to some ground rules to what is exceptable and what is not on what your kids are allowed to do and what is expected of them. that way when you or hubby say yes or no to a situation, the other one can agree.
2006-08-24 09:31:27 · answer #9 · answered by george 2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your hubby sounds extremely immature. it takes 2 to argue.
he shouldn't argue back if he is an adult.
being a teen is hard enough, you know that. plus having to live with a strange man? if i were u i would pay more attn to my daughters who are my blood and if my hubby can't deal with that, forget about him. blood is thicker than water.
your new found hubby seems to be tearing all of you apart and for some reason i think he enjoys the fighting over him.
sick.
2006-08-24 09:22:45 · answer #10 · answered by iamlaura2006 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋