I love my wife and her 3 year old daughter, but I'm getting the impression that she married me for security and really doesn't care much about making me happy. I don't have much money, but I'm in a career field where that can change quickly. To complicate matters, my wife is 3 months pregnant.
2006-08-23 23:10:27 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to her, and she admits that she's not doing the things she did to get me. Our problems started the week before the wedding. The wedding was all about her and what she wanted. Even during the ceremony she cracked a joke during our vows. I spent the drive to our honeymoon crying. Since then, it's been one issue after another. Prior to the week before our wedding we had NEVER argued. I love my wife, but I'm a so unhappy. I know that there may be hormonal issues because she's pregnant, but I can't imagine going from bliss to this in 3 weeks.
2006-08-23 23:20:50 · update #1
DO NOT LEAVE HER!!! Especially since you're going to have a baby with her! Imagine how she'd feel knowing that you're thinking such a horrible thing, and especially posting it in a public place such as this! You should be talking with her, sharing feelings and thoughts, concerns, ideas, goals.
Of course she married you for security! What woman doesn't? My husband gives me so much security and I LOVE it!! He protects, provides, supports me. He gives me security and stability, a foundation!
I don't do my best to always show him how much he means to me or how much I appreciate him like I should, but he's also not insecure enough to doubt it, either. After all, I'm having his children and I'm still here, right?
Try doing nice things for her on a daily basis, just to show your love for her. Your love will increase over time by serving her and telling her you love her all the time. Do not be concerned with what she is or isn't doing for you right now. That's too selfish and you should not read into things like that or it'll just make you MISERABLE, untrusting, irrational, and a whole lot more garbage!
Remember that SHE IS PREGNANT. That changes so very many things in a woman! You think women are bad when they're on "the rag"?? Well, you've got another thing coming. Most women when they're pregnant are either very very emotional or are like brick walls and show NO emotion whatsoever. They're very absent-minded, thoughtless when it comes to the man-figure in the house. They're selfish, self-centered, always talking and thinking about the coming child, sick, sick, tired, sick, tired, sick, ornery, tired, sick, absent-minded, "not themselves", etc., etc., etc.
Remember this, please! Don't give up on her! It's only been three tiny itsy bitsy weeks!! Sounds like you're insecure for OTHER reasons that are not her fault. You need to look into that to fix yourself, not leave her or fix her.
Just a forwarning though, after baby is here is might get even harder, so grow a chin and be a man and take care of what you've created (marriage, child, family).
Good luck, man! :)
2006-08-23 23:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have been married for three weeks and already want out. Are you doing everything you did to get her? Marriages need a lot of work and attention and you sound like you don't want to do the work. Your wife is 3 months pregnant are you aware that she could be having morning sickness or just plain not feeling well right now and she also has a 3 year old to take care of, the woman is probably wore out. Why don't you give it some time and give her some extra attention and then if things are still bad in say a year, you can rethink your position. 3 weeks is just not long enough to tell.
2006-08-23 23:24:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may well be right about her marrying you for security. I don’t know how long you actually knew her for before you got married. I’m assuming that you are not the father of the 3 year old daughter. The fact is however, you now not only have a wife and 3 year old, but you have a beautiful baby on the way… A baby who is very much a part of both you and your wife!!!
Try to involve yourself as much as possible in the upbringing of the 3 year old; and try to share the pregnancy with your wife… talk to her about how she is feeling; remind her of how beautiful she looks; participate in pre-natal classes; make the pregnancy like it were your own, because the being inside of your wife is very much a part of you!!! Your wife may well be carrying the baby, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t share the emotion!!!
Irrespective of the reasons your wife married you, I believe you will find that the more interest you show in your wife and daughter, and the more you involve yourself in the birth of your newborn baby… the more your wife will learn to love and respect you, and the more successful your marriage will be!!!
Hang in there with the hormonal changes… they are not easy on your wife either!!!
Best of luck to you and your family!!!
2006-08-23 23:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her! Ask her if married life wasn't quite what she expected or a bit of a let down after the build up. Find out if she's happy or what's really on her mind. Make her see that her being how she is is making it hard on you. It maybe be hormones due to the pregnancy that are making her different. She may be stressed about money and how to cope with another baby on the way. These are all things you need to talk about, but make sure you let her speak and don't get into an argument or you'll both say things you don't mean and you'll never get her real feelings out of her! Good luck.
2006-08-23 23:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by claire 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No there is something else wrong. Are you helping with her daughter as much as possible. Are you say thank you to her as much as possible. Are you showing her affection as much as possible. I am not talking about sex I am asking about other things.
Your wife says its different and you see it. You both talked without fighting I hope. Did you ask her what she wanted you to do to help improve your relationship. If not ask. You both need to keep talking. If busy because of daughter get someone to watch daughter and take your wife out to discuss the problems.
See what comes up. Maybe you guys need counseling. Maybe her and your Doctor should be brought in to see stuff.
You stated you love your wife more than anything. Then you need to do everything you can and then so more. If your wife loves you things will work out. You do really need to work to get what you want.
If she is unwilling then I am sorry she has done this to you. Birth control would have been a good choice seeing she is 3 months pregnant and you two have been married 3 weeks.
If you love do everything you can before you give up.
2006-08-23 23:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by Mit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is stressful enough and becoming a dad too can be very overwhelming. However, it's only been three weeks and everyone is still adjusting to everything. True your wife may be acting different but pregnancy will do that to a woman. The best advise I can tell ya is to sit down and have a serious talk with her. I wouldn't leave, at least not yet. Let things settle down and try to adjust to your new situation. Anyway, it sounds like you don't wanna leave anyway.
2006-08-23 23:48:49 · answer #6 · answered by T.G. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've only been unhappy 3 weeks and your wife is pregnant...chances are she's just not feeling well. During pregnancy hormone levels change drastically and can cause physical and emotional changes. Talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. However...keep in mind, a wife is NOT responsible for "keeping you happy"...she is there to be your life partner, to share thru good times and bad...thru sickness and health, etc.
2006-08-23 23:14:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, she is pregnant and that will make her feel and act differently to when she was chasing you. She needs you and will appreciate you (maybe in differnt ways) for the next few months but surely your commitment to her goes deeper than could be damaged by some vague dissatisfaction over a period of a couple of weeks!!! Make her the centre of your life and let her know how you feel about her and it will be fine.
2006-08-23 23:16:58 · answer #8 · answered by patti_felz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave yet.
I think the first few months of marriage, and living with someone are the hardest. You are trying to adapt to the way each other lives.
It's really hard changing and getting used to each other.
I would talk to your wife and tell her how you feel, but at least tell her how you feel before you up and leave.
2006-08-23 23:16:25 · answer #9 · answered by anabele6 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not wanting to over analyze the situation,
You are being childish, selfish, greedy and non committal.
You'll probably decide to quit your job after 3 more weeks because their not making you happy.
I think she should leave you ASAP.... then she'll have two fathers supporting her children and won't have to put up with a little kid like you. What a lovely example of a kind, caring, giving father you'll make......
2006-08-24 00:53:00 · answer #10 · answered by Red 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋