i fd out that my husband sired a child from another woman then he said i was the one cheating& even physically abused me.i tried my best to keep the marriage because of my 3 kids-i resigned from work, focused on his needs, took care of the house but he continues to treat me badly. i feel so used, abused and alone.is it time to give up?
2006-08-23 20:28:25 · 39 answers · asked by Ma. Cristina R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when i was younger..i looked at my parents i watched them..my mom grew up with once married always married..this got on my nerves..she thought i needed a dad, which i did but not him. My father would come home yell scream hit her, hit me call names any and everything..in my life it was worse to me to be in the middle of that then it was if i would have not ever known him.
The physical damage is like this. The children might carry on the same thing in there relationships as well. If you are the victim it makes it hard for your kids to deal with. With my mom with every hit, every cuss word everything he ever did i never could quite figure out why my mom deserved this. She did everything a housewife should do.
Now if i am watching a movie, it will remind me, if i hear someone screaming for help i remember, if i hear them talking about someone hurting someone i remember my father how cold he was but yet he said he loved me. I know love is gentle and understanding and kind. .I know this because my grandparents had a marriage that worked, wasnt perfect but it was good enough for me and i knew my dad didnt deserve my mom.
Now i am a grown girl. And i am still haunted by what i know and the only thing that helps me survive the whole thing of things i could have done should have done, is that i stopped the cycle..
Not every child decides this..i had alot of work to do and thought about this when he was hitting me, i would think i may be abused but my kids will not be..and i will make sure..and for me it is worse my father who said he loved me made my mind go there and made me understand that people in the world are cruel then it is to grow up fatherless.
Now you can get up, live for your kids and make sure they know that this needs to end for their life and this is not the way to be..or you can stay in the situation and your kids watch you beg at his mercy and him say i am sorry over and over untill death do you part..or worse you see your kids have the same relationship. And then you remember..and relive
2006-08-23 20:38:57 · answer #1 · answered by away right now 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat for 40 years. After 5 affairs (maybe more which I do not know) I decided enough is enough. We had a fight and he wants to keep the other woman (a foregn maid) and at the same time come back home for his food and sleep. That was the last straw. Told him either he stay away from women or he has to leave. He decided that he need the other woman more than the family and have since left. I feel more relax now. No more arguing an staying awake wondering if he is with another woman. Let go would be a better choice than to hang on the something that yu know will never work. I am happier and less frustrated. THANK GOD.
2006-08-27 11:29:29 · answer #2 · answered by jan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot raise a sucessful family with a cheating spouse. Kids are not dumb and they will figure it out. Not only that, you claim he has no respect for you. His lack of respect will transfer over to the kids and you'll eventually have problems. You won't live in poverty. You'll probably keep the house, have child support, get yourself a job, rent out a room, find a new mate, and be much happier for it. How long are you going to put up with this? Not to mention the fact that you don't know if he might bring something home that you don't want to catch. He's not willing to get counseling which means he has no intention of changing because you are allowing it.
2016-03-17 01:53:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have left immediately when he physically abused you!! Obviously he has total disreguard for you, you must leave--this is not a safe or healthy environment for your children or for you. Call a friend, if you don't have any, call a family member---or call a abuse hotline--every community has them, look in the phone book or online--but whatever you do, get out of this 'relationship'--You are worth more than that, he is not worth staying for and chances are he will only become more abusive since you let him get away with it once already. If he is going outside your marriage for sex and already has a child because of it, your marriage is beyond repair and really not worth the effort of trying to save it....Use that energy and move out and on. Good luck.
2006-08-23 20:34:44 · answer #4 · answered by dlgrl=me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves to be treated bad no matter what the circumstances!!! It is not healthy for you or your children to be in an abusive environment and if this it hurting you and them then it is best to move on... You may love you husband and think that you can not live life without him, but the truth is now man that loves and adores his woman will ever treat them bad or abuse them....
Move on, i promise you will find someone that will love and respect you and your children and treat you the way every woman should be treated and that is like a princess!!
Trust your instinct, it will be hard at first and then after a while you will realise that you shouldn't have waited so long to make this decision.....
2006-08-23 20:34:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have mentioned a number of ways that he has treated you badly, not just cheating, but lying, and verbal and physical abuse. You have made an effort to improve the situation. Has he?
If not, you are looking at more of the same, except probably getting worse over time.
I don't see it as giving up: I see it as taking responsibility for your future and the future of your children. Do you want them to continue the cycle? If not, move out (seek help if you need it) and choose a new life.
2006-08-23 20:33:20 · answer #6 · answered by suzanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No wonder you feel used, abused and alone. First things first, there is no excuse for abuse. You should have left his *** right then and there and filed charges against him. Stop letting him treat you like crap. Do you think your children don't see how he treats you? Do you want them to grow up thinking that is the way marriage is supposed to be? It is waaaayyyyyyy past time to give up. Giving up on that is probably one of the best things you could do not only for yourself but for your children. Get out while the getting is good. Best of luck.
2006-08-23 20:36:50 · answer #7 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the time to give up is running out. just pack your things and go, the more you wait the more abusive he'll become and the more difficult for you to leave.
it would be better for your children if you all move out and find somewhere else to go, even a hostel. for children to feel secure it has to be a life without stress and tension, and sometimes a hole somewhere would make children feel safer than living in a house with an abusive father.
The cheating thing makes him even more of a jerk!!
2006-08-23 20:39:14 · answer #8 · answered by trushka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should've walked away the moment you realized he was cheating... or the moment he started abusing you. Either way. Out the door you go. Don't EVER think it's ok to be unhappy because you have kids. Believe me. They're not going to be happy in a household with so many problems anyway!
2006-08-23 20:31:24 · answer #9 · answered by Private Account 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say definitely leave him. Get a divorce. It's best for you and your children. Think of the effect it has on them, having an abusive father around. And what about you? You don't deserve that treatment. Go out that house, and lead your own life. - A happy one without him.
2006-08-23 20:35:42 · answer #10 · answered by Honey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋