bullies at school?

Question

my son is going to a new school where he is now the minority, (culture shock) ive tried to encourage him, telling him it dosnt matter about peoples color, but he is getting picked on. he is small for his age, pretty tough being the youngest of 4 boys, but i dont want him fighting, someone told me he needs to or they will keep picking on him, i want to call the school, he dosnt want me to, what should i do? he is usually a happy kid, but he isnt liking this at all, going to another school isnt an option at this time, and i dont like the message that would send. im not letting him see me upset, but my heart is breaking for him, hes in 6th grade

Answer 1

I'm answering this as a teacher and a parent. You need to contact the school and make them aware of the situation. Fighting is not the right answer. He does need to stand up for himself. This will mean confronting the bullies (if he's pushed he should push back-both figuratively and literally). Some bullies are physcial cowards who only pick on those they think won't fight back. Others are actually trying to provoke a fight in the hope they can beat someone up. Unfortuanetly there is a lot of anger not only in schools but in our society, and sometimes people lash out based on prejudice or a perceived wrong. This prejudice can be found in every racial, ethnic, religious, and even sexual group. Try to stress to your son the actions of a group of people towards him should not feed his own feelings of prejudice towards everyone in that group. Point out positive examples of people from the majority group at his school, or outside the school.

Two final points: you should go personally to the school and speak with the principal. It is their duty to maintain a positve educational environment and they want to know about situations like your sons'. Finally the standing up to someone can be through humor, insult, or something even as trite as "pick on someone your own size". Your son should not have to go through this. Everyone will face bullies, bad bosses, teachers, police, spouses, etc, but to ask a 6th grade to take constant abuse is too much. Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 2

Well that's about how it is everywhere, I work at a Juvenile Detention Center and believe me I see that all the time. They send kids there for fighting at school and I know some of them are just trying to stand up for themselves. But they have to do that or everyone would fight all the time. There would be no control!!!
He really does need to take up for himself or he will be pushed and picked on and get use to it. He amy be able to deal with it better than you think, just keep a watch on it.
You definitely don't want him making friends with thieves, gangs members, drug users and psycho's. He may feel like he has to , it's ok to be friendly, etc. but you need to explain that those people exist and do not hang with them. It doesn't matter what color or ethnic background they are. There are some like that in all races!!!!!! It is impossible to avoid, I think you should call the principal and remind him of the bully laws and the school could be held responsible for anything happening to him. Maybe you should contact the Juvenile Intake Officer and ask their advice. That way they will know what's going on in case something comes up later. They deal with those types of behavioral issues every day. It's always a first thought to home school, but that's not always possible besides they miss out on so much. We are in a small town and it's getting pretty bad, I just don't think I could deal with a large city. Move to the country! Hunt, fish, camp, fill his world with those things!

Answer 3

If they are just teasing him, he could try laughing it off. If it's physical, then it is time to get the school involved. Bullies only bully people because they know they are weak. If your son is small for his age, put him in a Karate class. Not so much for the fighting aspect, but for the self confidence it brings a child. The idea he'd be able to defend himself is the added bonus. It'll raise his tolerance level of what he's willing to put up with and what he's not. Everyone has a line they draw in which they won't let others cross.

As for calling the school, as a mom, I completely understand, I'd be standing right behind you saying "do something...this is my baby". But in all honesty and speaking from personal experience, you can't. Although it's in our nature, we can't go fighting our children's battles. Your son is at the age where it is imperative he learns how to cope in certain situations. We may not like it, sitting back and watching it happen..kills us, but for your son, you have to. My second son was the smallest kid in class in the fourth grade and this one kid constantly picked on him. I knew his mother and told her constantly she needs to do something about her son, but this only made the bullying worse. So mid-way through the school year on recess, my son hit a breaking point and just finally punched this kid. He was suspended, but it was a small price to pay for what it did to his self esteem. In that very instant, he realized that he didn't have to deal with that, that he was capable of defending himself and that the bully's so called friends were only hanging around with him because they were scared of him too. Since then, my son has never had a problem and he's in the 7th grade with the same group of friends. Now, I don't condone fighting by any means....I'm just trying to explain that every child has a breaking point and when it gets to be too much for your son, either he'll go to the teacher, or come to you, if he can't handle it himself.

Answer 4

I don’t know that calling the school is going to help. My father would do that. He complained to the teachers. All that did is make them angry, so they looked the other way, while I got the living s*** kicked out of me daily.

At my school, I was the minority. It was about 60% Spanish speaking, and I was white, and poor. Most of the white kids were relatively wealthy. Needless to say, fitting in was not easy. I only had maybe 6 friends. That was only the case when they were not all together at once, because if they were, they would just gang up on me.

I just kept to myself. If I could not sit in one of the very front seats on the bus, I walked home, rather than risk being beat up (it was only three miles). Needless to say, I managed to deal with it from 5th grade until 11th grade. Most Spanish speaking kids don’t make it that far, so I was no longer a minority by then. So life was much better.

Answer 5

Oh my gosh, what a horrible thing! I would do the mother protective thing and go to the school. I know that would not help, but as mothers, we tend to be very sensitive when it comes to our children.
I guess that maybe fighting back might be the answer after all, but I would hate for something to happen. Do the others have weapons of any kind? Is the teasing physical? It can escalate fast too.
If you answered yes to either of those questions, then I would call the police AND get the school involved. I would not want to wait, My fear would be that they would hurt him.
Best of luck to you and your son.

Answer 6

YOU don't want him fighting? How shall he defend himself if the need arises, call you? That would be better, huh? They will pick on him more.
Here is one option:
Send him to a self-defense class in the area. They have all sorts of them, many of which have names I could not begin to pronounce.
If the teacher or teachers in the school appear to not be able to stop this sort of bullying, let the principal know of your concerns.

Sometimes, a good smack to the kisser of the right kid will stop that nonsense cold. As a last resort.

After reading a few of these answers I have to say this. Don't be embarassed, let everybody know that this will not be tolerated. do not hide, do not feel shame. expose the tyranny!

Answer 7

i am a minority too, i was picked on too, was only 6 years old....so my dad got fed up and came to school, complained to the teachers, and even went to the limit of coming and seeing me during break time. He woul just stare at those bullies.

U know the consequence, I didint have much friends. but I sure had a peaceful schooling life after that. Its up to you, some of these other kids, think that they're too perfect.

Answer 8

You will need to sit him down and ask him if he can handle it or if there is something you can do. You can't make a fuss at school because that will only make it worse..."mommy came to your rescue". I say, if he can fight them...he should. I don't condone fighting but if he has to defend himself, there is nothing wrong with that. I know there is a good chance he will be punished by the school but you shouldn't punish him for it (unless he starts the fight). Just let him know that it's okay to defend himself if he has to, but you don't want him starting a physical fight. Good luck to the both of you.

Answer 9

well... have him stand up to the bullies and mabey they will back down and if they are going to pick a fight with him then he might have to fight.... and mabey he should hang out with some of the other people that are getting picked on by the bullies and then if they all stand up to them they can have a better chance....and mabey he will have a better time if he has some friends... mabey i don't know the age of your kid but mabey even some verbal come backs would help like go suck a d i c k.....(i know that is a little rude but like i said it depends on the age) or somthing like you think you are so cool but the fact that you are so inscure with yourself you have to pick on me to make yourself seem cool ... and your friends aren't even your freind becuase you have to be an a ss to me to get a laugh... you are really pathertic

Answer 10

Teach him self-respect; he'll need a LOT of that to get through this. Then self-defense, wisecracking humor (even bullies like to laugh, it's how Richard Pryor survived growing up), and the ability to keep involved and build up interests and hobbies that'll allow him to bond with others. Good luck!