Been cheated on?

Question

My new husband of nine months tried to cheat on me two months ago with two different girls. He was making phone calls to different girls. Ran the phone bill up by sitting on the phone with them for hours upon hours.. They planned to meet and with one girl he actually did meet up with her and I believe i found them before he had a chance to do anything. almost certain that if i had not shown up they would have had sex. i found out and we fought and then decided to work it out. I cannot get over it. Its been a little over a month and it still hurts.. a lot. I havent had sex with him since, I dont trust him, i feel disgusted and am reminded of how her hurt me every time he touches me. And if i so happen to bring up the situation he thinks i am in the wrong for bringing up the past. I know we cannot get past it until I forget and forgive.. but i dont think i will ever forget and i don't know how to forgive this. Has anyone ever been in the same situation? how do i get past this?

Answer 1

Dear one broken hearted ,I do know ,I was marriaed to this man 10 years and gave up riches to go to rags to be with him and he cheated on me with a younger girl .I hurt so bad because I still loved him didnt think I could get past it ,I drove away that day he told me he messed up and regreted it .he is the one that told me himself told me about her ,and he said he loved me he done something stupid ,so I drove off praying asking God what do I do now .and it hit my mind as plan as day ,have I not forgiven you ,and have you done no wrong .have you ask me to forgive you .so I went back home e talked I made him call her in front of me ,I made him quit the best job he has ever had she was his employee.and it hurt but I made a dissicion to keep him I had to get past it so we agreeed as long as he let me vent my hurt to him I would be able to handle it ,but if he ever tried to stop me from talking to him about it I would be gone .I promised not to throw it up to him in anger ,and it has worked out good ,I still think of it sometimes but I dont worry over it no more .I talk to him when I need to about it and its been almost 2 years .so It really depends on him how honest he is with you ,I would be careful .always watch for his lies .I hope you can work thru this but hon its up to him to make it work and like I told my husband you did this not me so you have to prove yourself to me .I dont have to do nothing .God Bless yah

Answer 2

If you can't trust him anymore then there is no point in trying to save the marriage. Believe me. So if you don't think you can work on things and trust him 100% then get out now. I mean it's only been 9 months and he's already tried to cheat. Actually he has cheated...he just didn't have sex.
You don't need to go thru that...He doesn't respect your marriage.

Answer 3

Yes , he is your second husband , Ok . Here is a very simple reason , you should not trust him at all , and if you want to be happy ever , pl do go away from his sight , reason he will certainly do it again and you will not be anywhere , better part now than late for your better future . Your analyse about this man is very correct , as he is not going to change his weakness and compelling desire for more and different taste and experience . Good luck .

Answer 4

well. if I were you I wouldn't believe in him because he tried to do this to you twice. I was in the same situation a year ago. first months It was difficult, finally I forgive him because I trusted him, now things are better, but if he would do the same once more, I don't think I would forgive him.

Answer 5

I agree with the previous answer. I think that if you cannot trust him anymore than the marriage won't work. Trust is so important in a relationship and without it you have nothing. You're always going to be wondering what he's doing or who he is with. It is going to drive you crazy.

Answer 6

If he cheated on you within the first 9 months of your marriage, he'll cheat on you every chance he gets. He'll just be more careful next time. Dump the bum and find someone who loves and respects you. It is important that you forgive him though. Not for him but for you.

Answer 7

get marital counseling for yourself and to find out the real reason why he is cheating on you. maybe it could be your weight gain, not enough sex, not being satisfied, he is a nympho, he needs to feel love or wants attention or it is just in his blood to be a dog. counseling should help you. good luck , but if you are still miserable separate or divorce him and next time date a guy from a few to several years. i 'm so sorry.

Answer 8

I was once faced with the same situation, and realized I had but 4 options; [1] kill her (not my style), [2] leave her (but "for better or worse", and that was certainly a worst, I owed it to my promise to work it out if possible), [3] change her (you cannot change someone that does not first wish to change), or [4] change myself (try to find a way to accept it). Fortunately I tried #4 first, and to my surprise was able to think it through, to where I could accept it.

My thoughts were... Since her adultry did not hurt me, when I didn't know about it [for she was a perfect mate in all other ways], I had to ask myself why the "knowledge" of the act hurt? For knowledge in and of itself is not painful, so if pain is felt, it must stem from thoughts we associate with that knowledge. In other words; it was not the act of sex that hurt, lest it would have hurt, even if I did not know about it. Therefore it had to be the knowledge of the act, and as such should not hurt. But it did hurt.. why? Here is what I came up with...

[1] She did not do it to intentionally hurt me; she did it to pleasure herself.
[2] I loved her, and because of that love, I wanted her to be happy; for that is the truest gift of love.
[3] She concealed it from me, but she didn't do it out of cruelty; she did it out of her love for me [wanting not to lose me], and to spare me from the pain of knowing.
[4] She returned to me after each incident, which meant she valued my company more than their's, and she was always there for me when I was there.
[5] She did everything a wife would do, and so I did not lose out on anything, because of her enjoying outside pleasures.
[6] There are many rooms in the heart in which for love to reside. The love in any room does not diminish the love for the other rooms, in fact, the more rooms filled, the more that person knows how to love more completely. For example: we do not lose our love for our parents, when we fall in love with a mate, and the more we loved our parents, the more loving we will be towards a mate.
[7] There are many people we are attracted to in life; not because they are better than our mate, but rather, just because they are "different". I was her favorite "meal", but so too did she enjoy eating other foods as well. And just because we eat different foods does not mean that our favorite is not still our favorite.
[8] Initially it disgusted me to think of her being with other men, but I forced myself to think about it, in graphic detail. I thought about how it must have felt to her to plan it, to meet him, to flirt, to exploir a "first" again, the actual act of sex, how much she pleased him, and how much he pleased her, etc. And the more I thought about it, the less repulsive it became.
[9] Fantasy is always greater than reality, and denial of a fantasy increases our desires and fantasys about it. Thus having experienced "reality", she no longer needed to fantasize.
[9] Our fears of the unknown and of loss, cause us to imagine things far worse than they are, and because of it, we tend to shy away from thinking about them, which becomes a real "catch 22".
[10] All in all, I could not find a single reason, that wasn't egotistically based [and the ego is NOT our friend] for being upset with her. It took some time, and a lot more thinking, but I eventually overcame my jealousy, and it has enriched the depth of our relationship in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.

I hope this helps.