My husband of 6 years had an affair and confessed after he was caught of course. I decied to stay to keep my family together. And the fact that I still love him. We have 3 children that worship his every step (1,3, & 6). I left for a week after the affair and all they wanted was him. He has changed alot for now, but I still can't forget the betrayl, how do I learn to trust him again, how do I move on with our marriage?
2006-08-23 18:15:27 · 16 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do not want to hear this. But the best way and only way is to forget it happened. There is nothing else you can do. (As if that werent enough) But in my opinion, if he really wants to things be the same, he needs to work his butt off to win you back. Honey you are not the one that messed up he is the one that should be on yahoo Q &a trying to find out how to win your trust back. I dont think you should tuckle this without proffesional help. You can forgive somebody that cheated on you but..... It is really not easy for anybody. He needs to be aware of what he got himself into. And you need to simply get it out of your mind. I KNOW you are thinking about it every other second. Sorry no nice answer. If he is committed, after a month or two of both of you trying hard, maybe go on a weekend gateaway without the kids. Maybe a night club. Think outside the box.
2006-08-23 18:22:42 · answer #1 · answered by acostafamily305 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that honey and for me it worked. But it was a long process. First I had to grieve the loss of my marriage...apparently I didn't have this rosey life afterall. Then I had to get my answers, Who, what, when, where, how and why? Then it took counseling to put it back together and getting the tools to keep it on track. I still remember it as though it was yesterday even though I forgave him. It's traumatic, it's something you never forget, nor should you. I do know that the only way this will work, is if the affair is done and over with and they have no way to communicate. Once they cheat, especially if they are caught, they go into over-drive trying to smooth things over with you, but they never had closure on the affair so they go back to get it...and of course that's not what happens...it's back to the affair.
You know your husband better than any of us. If this isn't a pattern with him, try some counseling. Find out why this happened and then start building again on the relationship. I just cannot stress enough to take your time through this. Don't be in such a hurry to go back to normal. Normal didn't work remember? It's a process, not a race, to make this work. I wish you well.
2006-08-23 18:25:42 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I answer this question not because I am a wife (lol) but because I have been cheated on. One someone has cheated on you and broke your trust you can never trust them again. What he did was one of the worst things one person can do to another. I hope he has learned a lesson and realized his infidelity can cost him his family. I wish you all the luck in the world and if you can made a marriage work after that you are indeed a better person than I am.
Good luck.
2006-08-23 18:21:35 · answer #3 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what your doing is the right thing for now. You should always do what's best for you because if your unhappy then your children will sence it and in turn it will make them unhappy. If you do still truly love him then the both of you need to see a counsler to help you work out your issues. Why did he feel he need to go outside your marriage, what wasn't he gitting from you. not that any of this is your fault but he neds to learn to comunicate with you so you can understand where he's coming from. You can't read his mind, He he was unhappy then he should o said something. Learning to trust him again is going to a long hard road. everytime he's late your going to wonder who he's with, is he lying, where is he really...it comes with the decision to stay. I admire you heart and love of someone sho has hurt you so much and pray that things will work out for you. Good luck
2006-08-23 18:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by pmemommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will confess this hasn't happened to me but I know a good number of women who have chosen to stay. I would recommend a marriage counselor...you need someone who is non-bias to be a mediator so you can have closure and a better understanding of why it happened. Your husband may need counseling of his own to stop the behavior forever. The thing is, once you go back to your husband after this happens; you are telling him it is forgivable. Which makes it easier for him to relapse back into it. And your inability to "bury the hatchet" may lead to infidelity later on.
I say that if it happened to me, I would leave my husband...but you never know until something like this happens. In the case that I would take him back, I would insist on counseling. Good luck and remember your both are setting an example for your children.
2006-08-23 18:25:08 · answer #5 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all does he show any remorse,alot of men arent sorry they are really sorry that they got caught NOTICE i said alot of men not ALL men you and your husband could benefit from some couples counseling and also individual counseling to get to the bottom of why this happened in the first place because I am sure your Husband doesnt want to lose his family and I dont think he meant to hurt you or the children he just made some really bad choices you have to try to forgive him for your Marriage to work I didnt say that you have to forget but forgive because if you arent able to forgive him then your Marriage is already over best of luck I wish you and your Family well.
2006-08-23 18:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's really a hard situation. You have to forgive him if you want to stay married to him. However, the trust is a different issue. He will have to regain your trust.
Y'all need to talk about it, and get your feelings on the table. Perhaps even try couples counseling.
Good luck! I left my first husband after he cheated on me and never looked back!
2006-08-23 18:23:30 · answer #7 · answered by Lady J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know you have to truly look inside and tell yourself what you want. Ask him why did he cheat, what does he want? If he cant answer you honestly then maybe you need to take a breather. I know kids can really get to your heart strings because "daddys gone" but they do adapt. They learn to accept in time, it's as hard for them to accept as it is for you. Don't ruin your life thinking of what he did, because it will literally tear your body apart. You end up depressed, angry, sad, lonely, and in the end not a very good mom. Stand up and tell yourself what do YOU want to do? Any desicion will be hard but you have to give it your all. Be safe, be careful,
2006-08-23 18:32:54 · answer #8 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when 2 people get married they make a vow to each other,breaking that vow for some is easy,and usually its not even an option for the other person.i can understand how you feel, you don't want to lose.its hard but you have to move on,if you don't then you will feel like a loser inside,and your spouse wont care,you let him get away with it once and he will do it again its just a matter of time.
2006-08-23 18:38:20 · answer #9 · answered by Rico Diablo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling. Keep talking about it at least. Don't sweep it under the rug just because it may be uncomfortable to think about. I assume, since you married him, that you love him, so stick with him for now and help him.
If it happens again, then seek another course of action.
2006-08-23 18:18:03 · answer #10 · answered by blamurfen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋