i fight with my mom all the time... i just spent the last 4 weeks at my cousins house because of the last fight, ending in my mom locking me out... my cousin and her husban have both said they will take custidy and my family all say she emotinally abuses me... i want my cousin to adopt me, i can see life being better, for everyone if she does but my mom just found out that she might have cancer and i am not sure what to do... im back home now, trying again but im affraid that it will go back to fighting all the time, my cousin said i can call her any time and she would come get me if it doesnt work out but i dont know if i can leave my lil sis and lil bro again...am i wrong for still wanting to live with my cousin? even though my mom might have cancer? what should i do? please tell me what you think...
btw im 16, 17 in october
2006-08-23 16:58:13 · 16 answers · asked by nicole t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hi Nicole. As a mother and a child who lived with an abusive parent I think the best thing for you to do is look out for yourself. I realize that you love you siblings and that's admirable, but in order to take care of them you have to take care of yourself first. Sometimes it is okay to be selfish and put your needs ahead of what others may consider "right" Your mom is in a tough spot and i feel for her right now, but she's been abusive in the past and just because she's sick doesn't mean it will necessarily change. She may even use this illness as an excuse to do it. So give it your best shot and once you feel you have then decide, cause it's not good for anyone when there's a constent atmosphere of hate and anger, for you, your siblings, or your mom. Good luck and God bless.
2006-08-23 17:08:34 · answer #1 · answered by pmemommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetie, i completely understand how you feel! i had the same problem only with my dad...and we didn't fight by yelling/locking each other out of the house..it was more like him trying to control what i did (taking it way to far). and he has done that my whole life...i also have a younger sister and brother...i am 20 now..but at the time the situation got really bad i was only 18...he made me so angry one night..wasn't being fair at all..so i just packed up my stuff and left. so i stayed w/my bf and his family for the rest of the summer last year and now that i am in college, i stay with them during breaks..and honestly, our relationship has gotten a little better...it would be really bad, i just know it, if we still lived together. it was hard to leave my brother and sister...not because i felt they were unsafe there, but because i am very close to them and i knew they felt bad for me since they could see what was really going on. anyways, if i was you, i would try to tough it out for my siblings! esp since you are young..if it ever got physical, then obviously stay away from her and get help...but the time will go by fast! i guess i would rather tell you to do what you feel is right for your situation because you know what kinds of consequences-like what will happen whatever decision you make...when i was 16 i fought with my mom too! some days it was really bad too! but now she is my best friend!! i just love her and miss her every day! (she lives like 3 hrs from me now!) so maybe time can help mend this situation...16 is a tough age..you are getting so much older and able to do so many more things with your life...stay strong and you will do just fine! take care of yourself and your bro and sis!!! good luck, i will pray for you ok!!
yours truly,
breanna
2006-08-24 00:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to answer because we don't know what the arguments are about. What does she think you are doing to anger her?
And remember, it's not easy raising a 16 year old right now. I haven't had kids yet but I was a 16 year old not that long ago and I now wish I could go back in time and just hug my mom and apologise. I will probably use many of her raising tips for my own daughter or son. Good luck! Life is short, so just be thankful and love your mom.
2006-08-24 00:02:33 · answer #3 · answered by Recreantess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems to me that you're in a position where you're having to make alot of tough decisions all at one time! That's an awful lot to ask of anyone, let alone a 16 yr old! I would suggest that you talk to someone you can trust who is not emotionally involved in the situation, ie: school counsellor, pastor, family counsellor, or even call the children's helpline...your family physician can even refer you to someone....but I think it would be wise to get the guidance of someone outside of the family to help mediate in this situation. And above all else, you need emotional support...I hope this helps. I know I haven't provided you with an answer to your question, but unfortunately in life there are not always easy answers to difficult and painful situations and often the best thing that we can offer you are directions for help....I wish you all the best....
2006-08-24 00:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by sweetnsassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you would really like to help your mom and support your little siblings.
Is it possible to talk things out with her? Or are things too far gone?
Perhaps you can live with your cousin and help your family from there.
It would decrease the tension between you two if you are not sharing the same house.
I think it would be healthier for you too not to eat the stress all the time.
Remember though, you can't live your mom's disease for her, it is hers and all you can do is try to help.
Be proud and satisfied with that, and don't kick yourself so hard.
I think she is lucky to have a child like you. In spite of her abuse your interest lies in trying to help your mother.
There are not enough kids like you in this world.
2006-08-24 00:08:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all i doubt that your mom will let her adopt u and yu are almost of age any ways im sorry to hear about your mom but you have to get ready for living life for yourself.we all fight with our parents but yours seems to be a little bit excesive.if your mom does have cancer she will probablly need you as she goes thorugh chemo to get better.she will not be able to do it all herself with your brother and sister, so wait to see what happens first if she is ok and you want to live with your cousin then do it shes already let u leave once i dont see why she wouldnt again.good luck with everything and stay strong
2006-08-24 00:07:07 · answer #6 · answered by nvvlewis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am a mother of three kids, and it broke my heart when my son moved out, HOWEVER, if you are being abused by your mother you need to leave.... but not without your brother and sister! Is your cousin willing to help you and your siblings??? have you tried family counselling, church, school , police, for help? Make sure you have a responsible thought out plan before you jump into something you may all regret.... good luck...!
2006-08-24 00:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRY BEING LESS SELF ABSORBED AND SHOWING A LITTLE COMPASSION AND EMPATHY. YOUR MOM IS PROBABLY ANGRY. ANGER IS A NON-GENERALIZED EMOTIONAL RESPONSE, CONSISTING OF FEAR, FRUSTRAION, AND ANXIETY. WALK A MILE IN HER SHOES, RATHER THAN MAKING THINGS ALL ABOUT YOU YOU YOU.
GIVE HER THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. SHE LOVES YOU. MAKE HER PROUD THAT YOU ARE HER KID. DON'T REJECT HER FOR YOUR COUSIN. ARE YOU DELIBERATELY TRYING TO TEAR HER IN TWO? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? YOU LOOK SPITEFUL, SELFISH, AND MEAN-SPIRITED TO ME. I COULD BE WRONG, BUT THAT'S HOW YOU COME OFF. PERCEPTION DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL INTENT. SLOW DOWN, WALK A MILE IN YOUR MOM'S SHOES, AND TELL HER WHAT YOU SEE. GIVE HER A CHANCE TO SET YOU STRAIGHT WHERE THERE ARE ERRORS. ASK HER TO DO THE SAME, SO YOU CAN SET HER STRAIGHT.
REMEMBER, SHOW EMPATHY AND COMPASSION. EVERYONE'S FEELINGS ARE LEGITIMATE, EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM OR UNDERSTAND THEM.
2006-08-24 00:08:30 · answer #8 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur not wrongin wanting to live with ur cousin depedning on whatu all fight about i mean if she is emotionally abusive it may be the bets thing for u to do . understanably u dontwantto leave ur siblings and with ur mom having cancer depedning ontreatment she may not be able to care for them herself id suggest seeking help through social /child services they can provide counselling for the family as well as individual .
good luck
2006-08-24 00:01:43 · answer #9 · answered by ashley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you just talk to you mother and find out why she's so angry?
That makes a lot more sense than packing up and leaving. Sounds to me like you don't have the patience to find the root of the problem and eliminate it.
2006-08-24 00:26:32 · answer #10 · answered by Mortimer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋