Is adultary just sex...or is emotional adultary just as bad?

Question

I have a close friend that i talk with all the time. There are times that i catch myself confiding my feelings more in my friend then my husband. I even bad mouth my husband in his confidence. My friend is everything i wanted in a mate. but, we did not become such close friends till after i was married. If we had met earlier i would have chosen my friend as my husband. I sometime get frustrated with my husband b/c he can't communicate they way my friend does.
Is this considered adultary??

Answer 1

both are wrong n bad

Answer 2

Listen to what you're saying... "I bad mouth my husband. My friend is everything I wanted..I wouldve chosen my friend...I get frustrated that my husband can't be like my friend." ... You are in very dangerous territory. And yes, this is emotional adultry. And yes, it is just as bad. You made vows and promises to keep yourself to only him and to forsake all others, putting no others before him. And remember that part at the end..."Let no man put asunder what God has joined" ? Basicly, that's what's happening. You're already comparing your husband to this friend and hubby is coming up short. That has to be driving a wedge. And I have to wonder, is your husband basicly a good husband other than his lack of communication skills? Is he a good provider? Does he treat you well? What made you love him enough to marry him in the 1st place? I would be devestated if I found out my husband had a relationship like you've described w/ another woman
...I'm sure the next thing I would be communicating is,
"...and that's when I killed him, Your Honor."
Divorce is not a band-aid or an eraser. You'll have to have something other than "he's a poor communicator" to find any support here for this "Affair".

Answer 3

We all have friends in which we confide in, even as married people, we still rag about our husbands too, it doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you are getting an outsider's opinion to whatever is going on in your life. What catches my attention, is your statement that you would choose this other man as your husband rather than your man now. That sounds like an emotional affair. If this is starting to happen, it's time to reconnect with your husband again and start doing some of this confiding in him rather than you friend. And the sooner the better. These things often find a way of spiraling out of control and before you know it, you'll be doing something you are going to regret. Use your head in this one, you know what you are doing is wrong, it's why you feel guilty. If you truly love your husband, focus on him.

Answer 4

The grass is always greener on the other side would come into play here. I would put money on it that if you left your husband and got with mr. perfect you would start seeing all of his flaws too. You would eventually realize that what you have gotten yourself into is not as great as you thought it would be. When we are having problems on the homefront we tend to fish around the for the answers we want to hear. Mr. perfect is obviously sensitive to your "needs" at this time and he is saying anything you want to hear that will make you look at him as a better person than your husband. Everytime you put down your husband it gives him one more rung up the ladder. The fact of the matter is, you married your husband and you can't change that. The best thing you could do is lay off of the confidential talk and put a little distance between you and pay more attention to your husband. The answer to your question is yes, according to the Bible. Just like hating someone is the same as killing them in your heart.

Answer 5

You are slowly leading yourself away from your marriage...It will creep up on you slowly. If you need to confide in someone confide in a close girlfriend. I have seen this way too many times. It may seem innocent now..but you really need to step back and evaluate what you are doing to help or hinder your relationship with your husband. Emotional affairs are probably more tricky than just straight affairs because you don't think your doing anything wrong until one day you wake up and hate your husband... You asked the question...you obviously know the answer deep down... you just wanted the reassurance right?

Answer 6

The minute you went outside of your marriage and confided in another man, you were cheating in my book. When we turn to someone else instead of our husband we are looking for something we are missing in our relationship. Find our what it is that you are missing, and then work on that with your husband, Even if you leave him, whether it is for another man or not, you will want to leave knowing you did all that you could have to save your marriage. This other man might only want to be involved with you because you are married, or safe...You will never be able to work on your relationship with your husband with this other man waiting on the sideline. It is always easier to leave someone if you think there is someone else waiting for you. Stop talking to this other man, try to repair your marriage, and then if the marriage falls apart, then and only then should you start a friendship with this other man and see what comes of it. There is always a right way and a wrong way to do things...choose the right thing to do. Don't tell your husband about the other man, the so-called affair is only a symptom of the real problems your having with your husband.If you tell him, chances are you will end all possibility of repairing the damage.

Answer 7

YES!!!!!!!!! and anyone that says no is lying to u.. because u took a vow to basically give up ur life to your husband, u are relying on another man to give your personal and intimate feelings to.. instead of your husband, the fact that u said that u'd marry him instead of ur husband if u could go back in time, already is admitting that this isnt a strictly platonic relationship.. u may not of messed with him yet, but ur going to eventually, u can say no u wont all u want, but ur already having feeling for him, so the next thing to do is to take it a step further.. You are giving this man everything that u should be giving to ur husband, if u put as much energy into ur marriage as ur doing into this other man, your marriage would probably work.. im sorry that u cant communicate with him as well as with ur friend, but sorry u made a vow.. to your husband.. u should be working on your communication skills with him, and say good bye to ur friend.. something u'll have to do if u want ur marriage to survive.. i wonder if u have kids????? hate when people screw up their kids lives for their own selfish needs.. oh and by the way.. u dont know ur best friend as well as ur husband, ur not in a day to day relationship with him, and im sure at one time this giddy / great communication feeling u have, u at one time had with him, untill u both said "oh we are married we can quit trying now" and if u think that everything in ur life would change if u were with ur friend, ur wrong, u'd both end up right where u and ur husband are eventually stop thinking u know how great it would be, u thought ur husband was great too at one time.. till u guys drove each other up a wall, and u decided to go have a bf.. no wonder he's not actting like a loving husband, my husband would freak if i was doing to him what ur doing to your husband, shame on u for playing with fire, eventually u , are the one that is going to get burned, one way or another.. just hope ur kids arent the ones getting burned in the process of ur selfishness if u have any..

Answer 8

Interesting question. We all fantasize about what woulda, coulda, shoulda been, and if we had to do it over, would be have chosen someone else. We live with our spouses, and for sure familiarity does breed contempt----we are none of us immune to "the grass is always greener syndrome". My mother told me once that my best friends would always be men. That I was able to have that best friend be a husband was indeed fortunate. You did not meet this person until after you were married, and you should hope that the two of you can just remain friends. If you find yourself with feelings for him, you are betraying the trust your husband has in you, and for sure you will commit physicial adultery..... and that IS wrong..... absolutely and positively wrong. Your husband deserves better. If you cannot keep your friend as a friend, then you need to file for divorce, and be up and up about it. People fall out of love. { Interestingly, however, people who divorce to immediately marry someone else usually find that that marriage fails as well -- no one is ever as good as they seem.} So, to answer your question: Is this considered adultery. Not in the usual sense of the word, no. Will it lead to adultery. Absolutely.

Answer 9

Talking to a close friend in confidence pouring out your feelings and frustrations is not a sin. But no matter how trustworthy your friend is, bad mouthing your spouse is not right. Just be careful. Emotional involvement could lead to unpleasant consequences and could put you in a lot of trouble. And remember nobody's perfect. A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

Answer 10

Are you kidding? Emotional affairs are worse than sexual ones. At least with sex there's usually no emotional ties and you can just forget about it. Why can't you communicate with your husband? Is he just a poor communicator or a poor listener (or both)? Maybe you just need to help him learn how to talk to you more effectively. Most men can't communicate like women can but communication is an art. It can be learned.

Answer 11

it is wrong. It may not be sex right now but it will eventually turn that way if you continue with this relationship. You are finding in your friend what your husband is not giving you and that is why you feel the way you do abut your friend. You need to sit down and talk to your husband he needs to know how you feel and what he is not bringing to your relationship to make you feel like he wants to listen and talk to you. He needs to know that your guys relationship is in trouble, not that i am telling you to tell him all about your friend or anything, but tell him what you find in him htat attract you to your friend. All that i am asking is that if you dont want to commit adultry then you should end your friendship or cool things off wiht your friend until your husband and you fix things. Please be careful and best of luck.