I cheated 5 years ago, should I tell my husband?

Question

Before we were married I had an affair with a co-worker. I broke it off months before the wedding. I still feel guilty. Should I tell him? Or is it just to clear my conscience? I feel terrible and I know I would never do it again...

Answer 1

i was in the same boat as you and i did the stupid thing and told him. he had had an affair a few years before i did so we decided to call it even and start all over. well he doesn't trust me and i don't trust him. i just caught him at it again and i don't know what is gonna happen to our marriage, but the one thing i do know is if i could go back i would NOT tell him a thing.

Answer 2

To tell or not to tell....that is the question huh? It sort of depends honey on what type of relationship you have with your husband. Hearing something like this is going to put a huge strain on your marriage. It's not going to matter if it was before the marriage. What matters is that you cheated and have just given him a reason why he should not trust you. Are you willing to accept that? Are you willing to be grilled for details? Able to answer his Who? When? Where? Why? and How? And then are you willing to be questioned in every action from then on out? These are things you have to ask yourself before you even think of telling him something this drastic. This is the ultimate betrayal sweetie, and I think you know it. If you are guilt ridden, try going to confession, even if you aren't catholic. It'll do you a world of good to get it off your chest and do some penance for it. As for feeling terrible, well, you should. I am not saying that to be mean, but if you didn't, it would just say far less about your character. Everyone makes mistakes. If this is a mistake you never plan on repeating, then I don't feel it's necessary to hurt him to make yourself feel better.

Answer 3

what would your intention be in telling him?
if it is to make yourself feel better, then maybe not. If it's because you want to be in a truthful, respectful relationship where you treat him the way you would want to be treated, then maybe.
Would you want him to tell you if the shoe was on the other foot?
Is your relationship strong enough to tell him something like that and work through the pain and betrayl?
Why have you waited 5 years? Is this just starting to eat at you now, or have you been so worried that this incident would be a relationship ender that you have waited all this time to make it harder for him to just up and leave should the truth come out?
You feel more secure now and think that the bond/history/(kids?) will prevent him from leaving or be vengeful?
Follow what your heart and intuition are telling you, be honest with yourself, be compassionate and loving in your intent, and most of all, follow what you already know you need to do.

Answer 4

If it would make you feel better i would tell him. You being upset about could only hinder your relationship and make things turn bad cus when one person in a relationship is hiding things then they feel guilty and makes them react in ways they wouldnt normally do. Yes it will clear your conscience but that is what you need to do. Now i have to warn you that your husbands reaction will not be good and it shouldnt be either. The best thing i can tell you is to use your judgement because only you know your husband and yourself and only you know how you fee.

Answer 5

Well, considering it was five years ago, before you were married, and you haven't done it since; I would just clear my conscience... I mean if you learned your lesson and aren't ever going to do it again, then you shouldn't bother. At least you got it done and over with BEFORE the marriage rather then after. Why hurt him now? Just let it go and make sure it doesn't happen again.

Answer 6

You were not married to him at the time. I am not saying it was right but you feel horrible about it and you say it will never happen again. Why bother telling him now it was 5 years ago. Just be happy and let it go.

Answer 7

If I was you, I would tell him. But you have to expect that he will be devastated by this news, and he may have trust issues for awhile. Not only did you defy his trust when you cheated, but you also kept it a secret for 5 years. What else are you hiding? Just put yourself in his position... If he cheated and kept it from you for several years, would you want him to fess up to you? Would you forgive him? It's tough to carry the guilt on your shoulders, and it's only been 5 years... if you keep it in, you may be holding on to it for a lot longer! Just get it out there, deal with the consequences; after all, you did do it.

Answer 8

NO, dont tell him. Even Dear Abby says not to tell men everything, they dont need to know, it wont make things better for you or him and especially the relationship. If it is over and you feel bad then let it go sister, he wont be able to let it go. We all have a conscience, doesnt mean you have to tell him. DONT DO IT. I hope you get to feeling better about this, what a weight to carry.

Answer 9

Why open a can of worms? This was before you got married if you need to confess.. you just did. You know you will never do it again. This was in the past ...leave it there.. It will only cause problems in you marriage now and he may never trust you again. I wouldnt if i were you.

Answer 10

NO. You are going to be doing more harm than good if you do. Leave it be. It's been 5 yrs ago, before you were married. Just stick to the promise you made to yourself about not doing it again.