Read my past questions for more info but heres the jist,,,,my wife had an affair .I really didnt spend much time with her and showed her little affection so maybe its somewhat my fault.well she told me and i said ok we can get over it as long as its over.It wasnt completely over .She has been telling the other guy she still wants him and has been telling me the same.its been a triangle for eight weeks now.Finally after all that I decide to walk out of the relationship if there was one.Now sometimes she wants me to come back and when i tell her im not coming back it goes from love to hate.I believe in 8 weeks she should know who she wants no matter what!! In her defense she works in real estate with this other guy and she sells mostly all his houses he builds.She really cant afford to quit working with him ,but because of the affair I was requiring her to quit doing buisness with him ,for me to come back that is.After all this am I in anyway wrong for not giving her a second chance???
2006-08-23 15:41:28 · 29 answers · asked by scard4lif 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get a divorce.. life is too short for all of that drama...
2006-08-23 15:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You aren't wrong for not giving her a second chance. She shouldn't have had an affair in the first place. You're her husband, she shouldn't be in love or have to choose between you and any other man, she chose you the day the two of you got married and she should have been committed to you the way you were to her. Cheaters do not deserve second chances. You shouldn't even bother with her anymore. It's pretty much not likely that she'll be able to quit her job, so let her stay, and while she's there, let her stay with her other lover.
You don't have to sit around and wait for her and you had every right to leave. What you need to do now is drop contact with her and let go. Letting go can be an emotional and hard part of a relationship but in the end you'll be much happier.
You can't allow this woman to hold your future on a string, saying she is unable to choose between 2 men. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too.
Also, even if you didn't show affection, that's not your fault she had an affair. If she felt neglected by you and really LOVED you she would've spoken to you about it and asked for attention, affection, and time with you. I'm pretty sure if she would've told you how she felt you would've came along and showed her plenty of love because you seem like a good guy. But, instead she decided that she wasn't going to speak to you about it and instead go off and get satisfied by some other man.
She broke her commitment with you and you owe nothing to her. Leave her sorry behind and move on, it's for the better.
2006-08-23 22:47:51 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it amazes me how many people are quick to pull the plug. That being said I am not making light of your situation at all. Infedelity cuts to the core of a marriage and it is extremely difficult to overcome. The good news is it can be overcome. I am living proof that with MUCH perseverence a spouse can win back the affection of one who has gone astray. And no, once you cheat doesn't mean you will always cheat. My wife trusted me enogh to let me back in and after 18 years we still have something going. It was and is still rough at times but it has been worth every minute of it.
That being said I think that you need to draw a clear line. No matter home much money this "work" relationship is worth it is not worth your marriage relationship. If she cannot see that then stick to your guns. No going back while there is ANY type of relationship with the other guy at all. That is only a recipe for disaster.
Your insight into your own responsibility for the affair is to be commended. While there is never an "excuse" for infidelity it doesn't occure in a vacume either. If you love your wife then tell her and commit to becoming a better husband. However make it crystal clear that you will expect her unconditional fidelity and commitment to the marriage.
2006-08-23 23:02:27 · answer #3 · answered by RC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really loved her you could see that is she hurting and wanted you to take charge of the situation. If she told you she wanted you to come home you should have came home and done whatever it took to make this other man stay out of her life. You staying away from her is only causing the inevitable. A marriage that has lasted that long deserves a chance if you were ever truly in love with her. Walking out of her life is that the answer? Do you think you will ever look back years down the road and miss her and realize you should have tried? If not then it's not worth trying for anyway. If so then you should grab her up and take care of her and show her you truly love her. Your love will prevail if it is a true love. Be romantic,Good Luck
2006-08-24 10:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by Confused Beyond Belief 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you have been hurt deeply and it didn't start a couple months ago. Can you sit down peacefully and get to the bottom of this....the real root causes behind all of this.
Take a time of separation from each other for a designated time...long enough for you and her to think about where you both really stand...and if you care and truly love each other. The purpose of the separation might help you to step back and gain a greater understanding how each of you contributed to the downfall....if you truly miss each other...and if you will/can both truly forgive, give and take, and meet each others needs to the best of your loving abilities from here on out to avoid repeating the same conflicts.
I hope both of you pray often about the situation... each separately and together if possible at times, lay it before God, and have Him help examine your hearts.
I hope you and her both receive the peace you need to live with your decisions.
2006-08-23 22:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bro I sympathize for you like no other. You are caught in a position where you really care for someone and no matter what you want to be with them...hence why you married her. However she is no longer your wife when she decided to cheat and the fact that you even attempted to reconcile is noble however the fact that she still cant part ways regardless of her business dealings with this guy is rediculous. She has chosen this other guy and her profession over you, and thats not fair. Let her go, your better off, and you will find someone else!
2006-08-23 22:45:46 · answer #6 · answered by scottwatras 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have given her a few more than chance after chance. Yes a marriage is hard to walk away from and I think that this is not to much to ask. Real estate is a growing business and if she has done good at this then she has established herself to the point that she should be able to sell houses without him. I think that what you told her is fair. I think that she is confused because she is married to you but she wants to be free but yet she may still love you. A separation is good but do not allow her to walk all over you. You deserve to be happy and if she is going to not only cheat on you but disrespect you by lieing to both you and him then maybe she should be set straight and you two guys get together and both leave her out in the cold. An 8 years relationship is hard to throw away but if all that is left is no trust, lies, disrespect and misguidance then it is not much of a relationship anyways. Good Luck. And stay true to yourself. Shes not.
2006-08-23 22:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by lvb524 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
From what you've written here, you HAVE given her a second chance, and she blew it by continuing her relationship with this man. She's shown that you cannot trust what she says. If she were really committed to saving this marriage, she would have quit her job with him, even if that had meant having to flip burgers for a while.
I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through this, but I will say that it's very good that you realize what your responsibility was in this breakup. Keep that in mind for next time, and make sure that the next girlfriend you have gets lavished with attention.
2006-08-23 22:47:14 · answer #8 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are fair and no matter what you were doing before hand she should have broke it off with you if she wanted to cheat on you .. nothing you could have done gave her the right to go and cheat on you .. she should have came to you and talked about it or left you and did what she was gonna do
I think she is using that to make herself feel better about cheating on you. You deserve better than that and no I dont feel that you should give her another chance ..move on with your life she is just gonna use her job to keep him in her life and the whole time you are gonna feeel like she is out there doing the same thing to you and you are gonna drive yourself crazy with it ..you will never find peace if you stay in a relationship with her ...
2006-08-23 22:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by ptmamas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. The marriage won't work out if there's only one spouse willing to hold their end of the deal. Since she's unwilling to cut ties with the other man, there's no point in staying in the marriage. She can't have both at the same time.
2006-08-23 22:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said, "She really can't afford to quit working with" her lover. But she can afford to quit working on saving her marriage. Hmm.
I don't think its unreasonable for you to ask her to quit doing business with him. I think if she wanted to try to save the marriage and be with you, she would want to quit working with her lover. I would file for divorce. She betrayed you then she lied to you and him. But in the future, if you find another woman who you want to have a relationship with, hopefully you've learned that
you'll need to spend time with her and show her affection if you care about her. If you are someone who withholds affection and emotion, or have other issues that may have had an impact on your marriage, you might want to see a therapist for counseling.
2006-08-23 23:29:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋