coming out to a friend, that i am also attracted to...?

Question

i have this friend and i like to think of him as my closest male friend and i think im one of his better friends, well i really like him and im not just going to get over it anytime soon well now he has a girl friend and she has started to hang out with us and btw he doesnt know im bi and well it hurts me alot now to see them kiss and hug and he only talks about her and i allways call to talk but he is allways with her and i mean its like killing me to be around them now and recently i found out just how far they have gotten and i feel all sick inside cause i really really like him and i know i know that he prob. doesnt like me back. yea ive maid that clear to myself but the thing is i dont want to stop hanging out with him but it hurts so much but i dont want to risk telling him i like him to much to risk a bad reaction what should i do?
please dont call me selffish or anything i need real advice not to be insulted
he makes no real sign if he is bi or not so its soo hard to tell
thx

umm varr61 i like him before he started to go out with her so its not jelousy and i dont want a 3 some! and i think that dont get in the way of love thing is crap i mean we are 17.....99% of us dont know what love is!

Answer 1

Tell him, it is the best thing you can do, if you don't you'll eventually go crazy. Even if he reacts in a bad way and never talks to you again it's still better. He might actually like you back, you never know, and if he does you'll probably be the happiest person alive.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Felix,

You want to be accepted for being gay. You now must accept your friend for being straight.

Your experience is right up my alley. One of the worst things I ever could have done was to fall for a straight guy. It was a situation where we were living together for 9 months and then we would each go our separate ways (we were finishing up in the military). His wife was in a different State and he needed a friend. I decided to be his best friend and devote as much time as possible to be with him. Never came out to him. Never made a pass at him. We worked out together, went out on town, traveled - you name it.

When the end of the time happened - I couldn't let go. Some stuff went down and now we don't speak.

I learned that I should have come out to him. He'd have accepted it and appreciated my honesty. Instead of dreaming about something I'd never have I would have been better off searching for something that I could have. I waisted 9 months of my life devoting myself to him when I could have been with someone who would have really cared for me. Any time I have straight guys become friends - I always come out to them. (I don't come out to straight male acquaintences or co-workers - just friends - it is my business and better they hear it from me than through the grapevine.)

You need to learn a lesson and learn it quick. He is straight and is not attracted to you and you need to move on. Keep him as a friend and come out to him. You can admire his booty and all that - but look - don't touch. He is straight and you must respect him.

The best way to get over a man is under a new one.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Two things Felix:

1. You are feeling jealousy. Address it within yourself. Acknowledge it and let it go. Jealousy hampers unconditional love. Jealousy hurts freindships.

2. Talk to both your freind and his girl friend about the issues going on in the country. Same-sex marriages, gay bashers, etc. Listen to their answers. Listen closely. Listen for either of them to mention knowing, and having as friends, gays and bisexuals.

Let there answers tell you how they'd reacte to your coming out. Also, let your freind enjoy his love for his girlfriend, even if they accept you if you come out. If they suggest a polyamorous relationship, Good for the three of you! If not, be a friend to both and help them to grow stronger. Love them unconditionally.

Answer 4

I went through that stage before and I do know the pain.
However, you just have to bear with it. You know it is going to cost you his friendship should you open up to him at the improper time.

In my case, I just try not to think of him as much as I can and occupy my time with other chores. Much like showing cold shoulder to him.

If he does like you more than just a friend, he would continue to call up on you. Else, you have to learn to move on with your life than holding on to something that is non-existant.

Go on socialising with other people and You will meet better people later in your life.

Answer 5

You don't have to tell him that you like him, but tell him that you know she is his girlfriend, but he is making you feel like a second class citizen the way he is putting your frienship to the side to spend more time with her. Tell him you understand he has a girlfriend but you still want to see him and still do thing together as friends.

Answer 6

i've been through the same thing. you should let your friend know. if he is a true friend, he will understand. he may not be interested in being with you physically though. as for seeing him with his girl, i know how hard that is. you just have to deal with it. you also have to be a true friend and try not to get between them. i know everything you are going through. good luck.

Answer 7

if he is a close friend of yours, wait until ur having a chumy conversation, and confide in him that ur bi, it could turn out that he is also bi, and might share it with u, it could bring u closure together and open the door for u to tell him you like him. i know cuase this happened to me, but we r girls.

Answer 8

I don't know about being gay or being a guy, but wouldn't it be aquard to say that to a straight person who is probably oblivious? unless you are quite obviously gay, then he might not be surprised.

Answer 9

If your to know you'll have to be up front with him. Good luck.
Tammi Dee

Answer 10

try if hes not, then hes not but he knows the door's open
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