me and my hubby split 19 weeks ago. since then my F in law has had no contact with me or his 2 grand children. he lives 5 mins from us. today my husband told are daughter her grandad wanted to see her, and he was coming round. so i txt him and said he was not welcome, that he had left it to long. i said that if the children wanted to see him then there dad could take them to visit. my husband has now told our daughter, that i have upset my f in law and if the children go to vist he will not talk to them.
2006-08-23 13:11:34 · 24 answers · asked by jaki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Why would you do that, maybe he was trying to give you guys space during your split, he probably didn't want to get caught up in it. He only wants to see his grandchildren
2006-08-23 13:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by mightymight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am married to a man with a child from a previous relationship. The mother and I decided from the begining that the daughter was the most important thing because she is the victim, not her, not my husband. His family had a hard time accepting that they split up because they are in a state of shock too. Give him a second chance. Just talk to him first and tell him that your children are going thru enough and they don't understand the healing process. If he wants to be a part of their lives then he can't just waltz in and out he has to be consistant.
2006-08-23 13:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by cockermom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your father in law a creep? If he's exhibited inappropriate behavior around you or your children then you are within your rights to say this.
But if your acting this way simply because you're mad at your ex....then you need to lighten up and apologize!
It could be that grampa was giving everyone time to cool off before he got back in the picture.
Don't make the whole family pay for the unpleasantness between you and your ex! The kids probably miss the old man!
2006-08-23 13:18:16 · answer #3 · answered by Danny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there are many issues in this matter. Your husband should not get the kids involved in this AT ALL. What he is doing is horrible and could ruin the kids lives in the end. I found in these cases, its better to take the higher ground. God sees everything, if you act from the heart and do what is best for your children, God will bless you in other ways. But, you have to truly believe this will happen. I say, welcome your father in law. After all, he is family, and the only ones who will suffer from this, is the children. Please do what you can for your kids, it's so important these days. God bless, and I hope I could help.
2006-08-23 13:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by Dr. Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't use the kids as pawns in your "game". They should not be punished because the adults in their lives can't act adult. Don't keep your kids from ANY family members unless a family member is a threat to the kids (pedophile, convict, felon). If your ex-father in law or any other members of your Ex's family wants to see the kids, don't put restrictions on the visits. The ex's family members are uncomfortable right now and are unsure of their rights to your kids. You need to make them feel welcome and make it clear that the argument is with your ex-spouse, not them. The kids will harbor anger, resentment, disrespect and disinterest in caring about themselves and others if you press them into having to decide to like or dislike someone. All that a child wants is to be loved. The petty attitude that is being fostered by the adults is very destructive and needs to stop. See a counselor through a referral or your church/synagogue.
STOP THIS BEHAVIOR AND MAKE-UP NOW!
2006-08-23 13:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My god how many children are there in this family?
Take it from someone who's parents played "use the kids to hurt the grandparents" and who's grandparents did the very same thing back, your kids aren't going to understand your reasoning.
Be the adult here, tell your father in law that you are sorry you said that, that in light of his son and you splitting up, you are very sad and emotional and not always saying what you mean. Invite him to come see his grandkids whenever he wants to, as long as he calls ahead. In the long run, you will never regret being the bigger person. Those kids are going to benefit in many ways by contact with their fathers family, for the sake of your children, fix this and encourage their relationship. Good luck to you.
2006-08-23 13:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was very selfish of you, your father-in-law may have been giving you a chance to cool down and get yourself together after the split from his son. He probably doesn't want to get too involved in the relationship or argument between a man and his wife (even if the man is his son). Of course you hurt your father-in-law. You've also embarrassed him. I would go and knock at his door and say sorry - it takes courage to say sorry and is not a weakness. How hurtful you can be.
2006-08-23 19:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by Curious39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I think you were wrong. He may have felt uncomfortable coming over because of your relationship with his son and was waiting for you to say it was okay. I think if your husband really told your children that grandpa wouldn't talk to them, then he is a jerk too. Quit using the kids to play emotional games on each other. How screwed up do you want them to be? Call your father in law, talk with him. Do it for your children, they love him don't they?
2006-08-23 13:18:36 · answer #8 · answered by sparkletina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I have to agree with you on this one. If your hubby is seeing his kids and his father is only 5 mins from you then it's his responsibility to take them to grandpa's, not yours. In 19 weeks, Grandpa could have made the trip or phoned or even told his son he'd like to see his grandkids. Sounds like father-in-law is trying to put tension in the air between you and estranged hubby. Stick to your gut feeling on this...I smell a rat somewhere
2006-08-23 13:49:08 · answer #9 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Father in law is being an idiot. Taking a dispute between adults out on the children is doltish behavior. On the other hand, absent some sort of offense he might have rendered to you, for you to tell him that he was not welcome was unwise: the kids should be encouraged to relate to their grandfather (unless he is a TOTAL idiot). Consider calling him up and apologizing.
2006-08-23 13:17:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i think it really has to be a decision you make with your partner before putting into action--especially if it's his parent you are deciding to exclude. better to do an intervention where you talk to the father in law about how you feel about his neglecting your kids and let him know in advance that the consequences for not checking in more often will be that he will not be welcome. he may not have felt comfortable or known if you were comfortable with him as an ex in-law after you and his son split up.
2006-08-23 13:18:38 · answer #11 · answered by Eos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋