She has recently been fighting A LOT with her sister. I am not talking little bickering, its full closed fists punches, biting, slaping etc. Her sister is 7. I have tried all forms of punishment. Grounding (she currently has only a bed in her room), extra chores, etc. SHe doesnt care the consequences, she just keeps doing it. My 7 year old wants to move out as she is scared of her sister. SHe has just recently started fighting back, but that just makes it worse. Please help, serious answers only.
2006-08-23 12:49:49 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I have tried spanking---that makes things worse. Cant relieve violence with violence. A far as professional help...this just recently started. She was a perfect angel up until now.
2006-08-23 12:56:15 · update #1
sign her up for karate classes! i am 16 and i have been a tae kwon do instructor for little kids for the past few years and i have seen dramatic changes in kids attitudes after just a few classes. we teach them responsibility, disipline, and self control and i have seen even the worst of kids become disiplined and great kids after they learn this special skill that not everybody their age has. its also a great way for kids to let off steam in a safe controlled enviornment if there is something that is bothering them. sign her up, you wont be sorry!
dont spank her! that will just make her more angry and aggressive, if you have to punish her, take a favorite toy away or something like that.
2006-08-23 12:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by ani yehudi 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's great you are making your 10 year old see a therapist maybe she has some underling problems that she feels she can't talk to you about so she acts up to expression her emotions. Maybe she feels like she can't get all of your love and attention because she is not the baby anymore she has a younger sister she has to share you with so she wants tg get back at the 7 year old. Grounding is not going to work with a 10 year old that has no fear she would rather sit in her room with just a bed and show you that she is not going to compremise and show you she's going to do things her way. The same thing with extra chores just like grounding no fear she rather do extra chores and still have things her way. Tell you 7 year old that every thing is going to be ok and nothing is going to happen to her and her older sister will come around. Tell the 7 year old to not fight back and to come oget you because when the 7 year old fights back that makes the 10 year just fight back because she feels like she can just keep hitting and fighting because shes older. You said you gave her spankings. You need to give more, harder and longer. I don't care what people say they say you can't fight violence with violence and give spankings yes you can. If she gets enough hard ones and longer ones it will work. You need to go off and let her know you are the mother and this is your house you set the rules you set the tone of the house and what she is doing is unexpectable and you will not tolerate it. Put the fear of mom in her one good time I know she will listen. That means you have to act like different person than you normaly do and show her you mean business. Hope it work! Good Luck!
2006-08-24 18:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by moneerocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing a professional for help is a fantastic start.
I think it's important to review her entire lifestyle- from the foods she's eating to the activities she's doing.
Children who eat a lot of processed and sugary foods can tend to be more irritable than those who don't- contact a dietitian or do some research online to create a healthy diet for your child that is void of any highly processed meals (instant meals and take-away are big culprits of this). This doesn't mean that your child can't have tasty foods, just in moderation.
Look at her sleeping pattern and try to set up a routine for a time when she goes to bed- if she doesn't agree with this idea, try spending some time with her in her room at around the time you want her to tuck in for the night. Reading to her or playing dolls with her will help her settle down at the end of the night and she will sleep better for it- this will improve her mood and concentration.
Make sure she is getting some form of regular exercise- if you haven't already, enrol her into a sport- learning team work will help her, it will build her self-esteem as her skills develop and it will help her fitness levels, which is also rumoured to improve a person's mood. The release of endorphins from exercise will also make her a happier child.
Make time to spend together as a family- for instance, go on an outing every sunday- let the kids offer suggestions or choose places of your own- horse riding, bike riding, to an amusement park, on a picnic, to a movie, indoor rock climbing- there are endless possibilities. If your daughter has fun with the family, she will feel more secure and loved in her family unit and it may make her feel more loved and accepted.
There WILL be a reason why she is lashing out like this- kids don't just suddenly turn bad- it could be problems with school, peers or even how she interprets the stability of her home life.
Try to offer her affection and love and make a huge effort to give her lots of praise for the things she does right.
Sometimes kids don't respond to punishment for the things that they do wrong, but they will make a drastic change if they know that they get some sort of a reward for good behavior.
I don't know whether any of this will help, but I hope that things sort out for you and your daughter.
2006-08-23 13:26:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has something changed recently? It sounds to me like there's something she's trying to deal with and this is the only outlet she's accepted. I'd suggest a therapist, and until she learns that she can't be beating up on her sister, they need to be kept seperated. Try talking to her and asking why she's acting out all of a sudden. If she won't tell you or keeps up an attitude about it, keep her seperate from others. Don't completely isolate her, though. Go in there and try to talk with her, and you should give her something to do or the only thing she will think about is how she can get back at you or someone else for being punished. She'll only have more anger to take out. I'd also talk to her teacher(s) and/or principal to find out if anything's been going on at school. It sounds like something more is going on here, and discipline isn't necessarily the answer. Finding what's causing the behavior is going to have to be the first step, or it'll only continue.
2006-08-23 13:10:50 · answer #4 · answered by criticalcatalyst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get phsyical your 10 yo. Sorry, you do. That's all there is to it. When you catch her hurting your 7 year old, grab her by the hair or arm and pull her away. If she tries to fight you, get STRONG with her and show her you have the upper hand. Push her into her room and tell her she's grounded from EVERYTHING for a lenghty period of time. Tell her, if she can't follow your rules, then she gets NOTHING. Only food. No friends, no outside, no phone, no computer, no t.v., no movies, no outings with friends, leave her with a trusted gaurdian when doing fun activities outside the home. Explain to her, when she learns to be nice to her sister, everything will go back to normal.
2006-08-23 12:54:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat down with your daughter and asked her why she is doing this?
Did they share a bedroom together?
There comes a time when punishment no longer works, and if you have been punishing her, then she resents you, that is why it is very important to talk with her and come to some sort of understanding, it could be that she is jealous of her younger sister.
The ten year old sounds like she has a lot of anger issues, that is why using anger to fight anger will get you no where.
I know it must be tough on you and the seven year old daughter,
maybe you could get both daughters to sit down together and hash out the problems.
With Mine I never knew who started it, because they were sneaky, and I was always blaming the wrong one, when it was both of them.
2006-08-23 13:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by brown.gloria@yahoo.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is a such thing as a spanking (and no, spanking is not abusing your child) sometimes you gotta get to that level so your child can learn some discipline especially doind horrible things like beating up her younger sister. it's better to discipline them now than wait until it's too late and she'll get in deeper trouble.
2006-08-23 12:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by jdukenumber1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Online I found a website that deals with exactly your problem. The link is called: Tips For Reducing Fighting
Go to www.spokane-county.wsu.edu/
family/reduce.htm
Good luck.
2006-08-23 13:03:02 · answer #8 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has other issues. Somebody abusing her? If not salvage the good seed and send the bad one to juvenile lock up so she doesnt screw up the other child.
2006-08-23 13:12:49 · answer #9 · answered by big E 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there must be a reason... go to a family counselor. I cant believe you waited this long and still havent seeked professional help.
2006-08-23 12:53:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋