I am 24 yrs old Indian girl. I feel sad, depressed and lonely! I was raped when i was 7 yrs old! I am unwanted child of my parents as they themselves told me, that they wanted to abort me but could not as my mom could have died, as it was cesarian section, and it was illegal to abort. They hate me and my dad used to beat me everyday and my mom used to support him, i was not allowed to socialise. My dad and mom sexually abused me and always forced me to suicide but i didnt.My boyfriend raped me with his friend in a car! I did my graduation and doing my M.B.A. Now. i am at present in Canada in Youth Exchange Programme. I really want love, and one guy from U.S.A. is coming to meet me this weekend. He wants to marry me, he knows my past, i met him on matrimonial site. he has a fiancee in India, but he wants to leave her and marry me, as he wants me to be happy!Should i marry him? I feel suicidal and cant talk about my past to anyone except on net! what if he dumps me? I LOVE God! plz help!
2006-08-23 12:40:27 · 26 answers · asked by isha s 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
First of all, slow down. You have a lot of psychological damage from all the sexual and physical abuse you endured. You really need to go to a therapist and work on yourself first. Maybe this guy is a good guy, but you really need to get to know him before you get married. You have suffered enough in your lifetime, and you don't want to jump into any other horrible situations.
So, take your time and see how this new guy behaves with you. It's much better to be sure that you are entering a good life, than to regret your decision later.
Good luck to you!
2006-08-23 12:45:12 · answer #1 · answered by keengrrl76 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's a lot of heartache. I feel for you. Is there anyway you can stay in Canada? At least in places like Canada and the US you have a good chance of being protected more than places like India.
I don't know about getting married to a guy you're just about to meet. But if you have an MBA you should be able to find a job in Canada. I would try that as my first option and then hopefully you will be able to speak to a professional psychologist soon. I can imagine it's hard specially since it maybe looked down upon from where you come.
But in the west it's not like that. Getting professional help is A-ok and everybody does it when they need it. So don't feel bad about talking to a professional or any counselor.
Wish there was more I could say to help you. Good luck.
2006-08-23 12:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by WhoMe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There r already plenty of suggestions. But there is still something left out in them.
Your career shows atleast something positive about ur personality.
Its true that we need love in our life. But, u will get no assurance that it is here.
See, u have something positive within urself, otherwise u couldn't have studied so far.
The things which happened to u r wrong, & those wrong deeds r not done by u.
So be proud that u have not done anything wrong. Then...........
Be bold that u have seen the worst of things in life, so now u should be immuned to all other worries of life.
U should think that OKAY, what else, come & rape me, i am here
come on u son of a *****, if u have courage.
Learn to stay alone.
And if u have chance, be a little flirt, see the world, if u r convinced enough, then only rely keeping in ur mind that anything may happen any day.
Ultimately, this life is temporary, everyone will die including ur rapist relatives, & u too.
so collect as much negative experiences as possible, & then give a sarcastic smile to this world.
2006-08-26 23:37:40 · answer #3 · answered by Vishnupriya C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must decide, because you will live the results. But, honestly, I have been through a lot and survived. Using the knowledge to help others in the same situation as I had been in. Maybe you could just strive to get all the knowledge you can in Graduate School, immerse yourself in aspects that interest you. When you are full of information and the resulting self esteem, you and God can then decide how best you can help the world with all of your knowledge and whom to be with.
Realize too, if you have to ask if you should marry, there in itself is the answer.
2006-08-23 12:53:37 · answer #4 · answered by Michael B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother and father are like this --they are not only cruel but also mentally retarted I think.So forget it and thanks to God that you are alive and didt go for suicide.The boyfriend along with his friend raped you is also a misfortune.Now a boy wants to marry you.May be he is nice and we should not assume him as a bad person looking to other incidences occured in your life.But dont do sex before marriage.You are now doing jo and are established and are not dependendent on any.So this is totally ur turn what you will choose.Dont worry have confidence in you.Now as you are established you should not marry this person whom you told your past.He knows your weakness and may cheat you.Dont show that you are weak and in reality you are not a weak girl now.The bad time have passed.From now mix with friends and go to Church and God will show you the Path.Be strong and never tell any the past.Listen to music ,play games,go to gym and like this spent some time.If this boy really loves you he will wait for years.Do not trust any one.First test him and dont go to any lonely place with any.Make yourself safe first.He has a picture that you have no support from your parents and so he may do anything.From now dont tell about any thing.Pray God and God will be with you .See you are alive why do you know?-As God is with you.Never marry the boy.First love yourself and wait .
2006-08-25 06:20:53 · answer #5 · answered by Mehbooba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See fortune didnot help you in the past & you have suffered a lot in your life. Now you are a grown up girl &educated also. So dont worry & tahe your own descision. If you find that boy is good then you can marry him. You told he has one girl fiancee in India. Whether he is engaged to her or she is only Girl friend. Whatever the case you both talk to her & tell about your marriage to her before getting married so she will not feel cheated & she can find her own way. also Your man will not go to her in future. Finally you have to judge the situation & take descision. GOOD LUCK TO YOU From me & all Yahoo Answers Community
2006-08-24 19:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by narendra k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey i am realy sorry about your past and everything. i would say do as your heard tells you. it is most important to listen to your self before then others and thing about it quite well...if you want to talk you can always remember always send e an email on merry.fiser@yahoo. com and we can be friends and i belive i could help you !! and try to be your self. to enjoy the life as it is if you cant be happy. it is not everything make up when you were born and end up when you will die. some things are born in a single moment and gone in a single tear. somethings last forever even longer then you will be living and some are just leaving with the end of the day. let your life takes you and let your self lead your life. after all after the rain the sun always comes up isnt it? belive..... and even if you dont write me i will just say BELIVE IN YOU forever !!!!
2006-08-23 12:49:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you have been through so much in such a short life. But now that it is over you can take step to recover yourself from the wreckage of your past, for life always belongs to the future, and seems it is alreayd knocking on your door as this boy seems to be God sent! All the best.
But before that you need to heal all the issues childhood sexual abuse brings up, confusion about sex, fears, shame, and guilt, and issue of respecting physical, emotional and sexual boundaries, self respect, worth and esteem issues which need to be addressed now that you are an adult, and want to heal.
Try connecting thru Google, many websites that offer online help and counselling to female survivors of incest, rape and childhood sexual abuse.
Figure out with him whether he really loves you or is also trying to save you? Even if it is both, it is a viable option, your option now is to save yourself, so that you can become strong enough to forgive your parents, and confront them.
What happened to you so far is not your fault, and you deserve equal love and respect as all of us here. Just make sure you command that now on.
As for he dumping you, His loss I would say, why worry? Enjoy the present. Trust in God.
...................
Try
http://www.angeltherapy.com/
Caroline Myss herself an abuse survivor now writes extensively on health and healing. and her website offers excellent insights, www.myss.com
2006-08-23 15:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by Abhishek Joshi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not the best advice giver but.... A guy who is married and wants to marry you is usually up to no good. You told him your past so he is probably going to take advantage of that to get to you. There are to many women in bar ditches as it is. Be careful and think things through. Also, we have all had bad times. I have been in the dumps to. Just think about the people who do care. Don't hurt them and also think about #1 which is you. Take care and remember "Don't frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile".
2006-08-23 12:45:25 · answer #9 · answered by Chickie 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her and verify out and get her to speak to her mothers and fathers... by ability of her speaking to them supplies her greater strategies on wether or no longer she desires to maintain it or perhaps adoption she has greater strategies now than she will later. Her mothers and fathers will locate out finally only be sure it fairly is to no longer overdue. And be a stable pal and verify out and help/instruction manual her to make the strategies she needs and not what everyone "needs" her to do via fact she am has to handle it in a while in existence no be counted what she makes a decision... and prefer the female in the previous reported her mothers and fathers will advance to the assumption and likely there is of project they're going to loose it however the will no longer harm her or the baby. So inspire her to make her judgements which will income her interior the tip.
2016-11-05 11:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋