how could you live with yourself as a married man if you went swinging?

Question

if you love someone how could you cope with seeing someone else with them

Answer 1

My wife and I have had a non-monogamous relationship for several years. We are very happily married, and we love each other very much. We are not jealous. In our case it is just natural for us. We did not have to struggle or learn how to overcome jealously - it simply feels normal for us to be the way we are. Some people have to work harder to deal with jealousy, but once they succeed, they can be happily non-monogamous as well.

Some people have suggested that swingers can separate sex from love. This is true, and for many swingers this is very important ability. In our case, however, we are open to both swinging and polyamory, so even falling in love with a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a problem. In fact, as a couple we are actively dating in hopes of finding lovers to move in with us and form a poly family.

And on the subject of separating sex from love, many people think this is some sort of nasty thing - as if it is degrading or cheapens sex. Perhaps for some people, this would be true, but it is not a universal truth. For swingers, casual sex play is not the least bit degrading. Why should it be? One of the functions of sex is to give and receive pleasure. Why should giving someone pleasure be degrading? People always make special exceptions for sex. For example, it is ok to give someone a massage, but it is suddenly not ok if you massage their private parts. Why should THAT make such a big difference? There simply is no good reason, other than personal preference. But most people don't seem to understand this. They insist upon proclaiming that universal laws (usual based on religious beliefs) somehow dictate that casual sex is bad. What they don't realize is that the problem is not with casual sex (so long at is done in a reasonably safe, responsible manner). The problems are caused by people who want to put social and legal sanctions in place in order to dictate OTHER PEOPLE'S lives.

You might not be able to personally understand how anyone could be love and still be a swinger, and this is no problem. But some people want to imply that swingers are immoral or that they don't really love their spouses, etc., These folks cross the line and start to become judgmental and rude. Your question is fine, but some of the answers seem to lean in this direction, so I thought I would advocate for an alternative view.

Answer 2

My question to you... How could you not live with yourself if you went swinging?

You are not asking this question objectively with an open mind to the answer, but with bias, based on your own fears and predetermined opions.

Some of us love to see our spouse with someone else. For instance, my wife is my favorite porn star, and visa-versa.

What you are referring to is jealousy stemming from deep rooted insecurity that someone else is better then you, and that your wife could leave you or think less of you because you may be inadequate. So you comfort yourself by keeping a tight leash on the one you love so that it couldn't happen. To paraphrase Dorothy Dix, the jealous bring the events they fear most upon themselves. This means that jealousy in a mate is not attractive, but will eventually lead to resentment and thus the exact thing you fear the most and try to protect yourself against can happen.

Love and jealousy are two diffent things. As Robert Heinlein said:

“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love the greater the jealousy.”

Swinging isn't about replacement sex, it's about additional sex. It's fun for both, not just one.

Swinging isn't for everyone. Some people like it, some don't. Some can handle it because they are very secure in themselves, others are not and can't handle the possible jealousy issues that will arise.

I hope that helps answer your question.

Answer 3

Some people get off on it. Some people are cool with it. That's the way love goes, as Janet J once said...

I believe that swinging can work, as part of a loving and trusting partnership. However, I think many folk see swinging as a way of pepping up their tired relationship. If that's the case then it's gonna do no-one any good.

Swinging only works with implicit trust, I believe - the trust that your other half is emotionally devoted to you. Personally, I would consider it worse if my partner was investing emotional time in someone else.

Answer 4

People who swing can seperate love from sex. For them, the sex with other people is about the pleasure and the excitement of something different.
Personally, I hope to swing one day.

Answer 5

Couples I have come accross with things like this are often very close and have specail things they do more togther often more loveing and affectionate... Like porn stars.

Whilst the swing stuff is more a fun thing.

Answer 6

im in a newish relashionship and he tried swinging with his x wife to try and put a bit of spice back in their relashionship bad move ive never understood why people /how they can do it if they love their partner however my partners wife started going off and doing it without him hence they are now getting divorced so i think that says it all.

Answer 7

Depends if shes an old boiler or a saucy little minx. When i swapped the misses i got a brand new raleigh chopper.

Answer 8

i thought swinging included the husband and the wife with other partners
why don't you just go out and get revenge !!!

Answer 9

i love my husband very much. i wouldn't mind to see him f'u'c'k'i'n'g' a pretty girl in front of me. he is just so beautiful. and i know anyway that he loves me, not her, so why not? the point is - those who re jealous feel insecure about themselves, they re afraid that this other woman/man can be better than them. but i feel very secure about myself. i know im the best (even thou for all human population im not, so what?)

Answer 10

I like to think of LOVE as plural and not singular. Its very selfish to love just one.