Should I get a divorce?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 3 1/2 years. The majortity of our marriage has been really tough. He has constantly been selfish, mean, and inconsiderate of my feelings and needs. Throughout the years that we have been married I have continuously told him that I am unhappy and things needed to change. He would change for a week or so and then go back to being the husband that I couldn't stand. About 10 months ago I told him that I was going to file for a divorce. At that time he pleaded for me not to leave and said he would do whatever it took to make me happy. Since then he has significantly changed for the better however, I have found myself struggling to allow him back in emotionally. We have recently started going to counseling and I feel as though I am "talking myself back into the marriage". I am not sure if I feel this way because I am not in love with my husband anymore or if I am so hurt from the past. I don't want to make the wrong decision. Please help??

Answer 1

If you don't feel that you can move past what happened then leave. If you feel you can honestly give counseling 110% then go for it. You need to be true to yourself. You have one life don't waste it.

Answer 2

I think that you should get a divorce, let's just start out with the beginning sentences "He has constantly been Selfish, mean, and inconsiderate of your feelings and needs!" I do not think that it is a healthy relationship any more. If you have told him continuously that you are unhappy what more can you do. You are already going to counseling and it sounds like it is not working. I do not think that anyone should be dragged back into a relationship where they are not happy. i think that he needs you more than you need him. One of the hardest things is to reconnect with someone emotionally, you can work on it but it will take a long time for him to gain that back from you. I think that you should leave if it makes you a happier person, then he will see what a great person you were and now your gone. Remember that you are important! you are number one, take care of yourself. I hope that everything works out, and you make the right choice.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, we only have opinions, and the actual decision will be yours to make on stay or not stay. Your going to counseling says that you want to save your marriage, and if he's changed for the better you should give him the benefit of doubt to make things work out & try to make you happy. He may really see where he went wrong and can do what he needs to do for a mending process for the relationship. Keep an open mind now and work with him since you asked him to change. Most guys wouldn't have really done as much.

Answer 4

Marriage is until death. When you speak those words " Till death do us part " THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS. It is better off to honor the sanctity of your marriage . God will honor you for honoring your ordained marriage God gave you in the first place. No one fells out from love , they fell out from commitment. Marriage is a commitment - bottom line , FOR BETTER OR WORSE. When we marry , we make a commitment to stick by our ordained lifetime soulmate through thick and thin. Diovorce should never be an option no matter what . Divorce means quit and it's the coward's way out like killing oneself is. If you feel that you don't love themanymore , then you have to work that much harder to refresh the marriage and develop new ways of sharing each other. The problem is we live in what I call a " Fast Food Could Care Less Society " ........ it's me , myself & I { I want what I want and I want it now } . The problem is marriage is not fast food. It takes years of cultivation , nurturing, and God centered. A Happy marriage is not a destination - it is a journey. I know it is so hard .............. don't be a coward & a quiter . Hang in there and get a good christain counsellor. God will get you through it so trust.

Answer 5

Counseling is a good start. You need to know in your heart what you really want and how you feel before making a decision like divorce. If he has truly changed then he must love you, the question is, do you still love him enough to be his wife after the hurt he has put you through. Emotional damage is hard to get over and rebuild a relationship from. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose.

Answer 6

The first question is why did you ever marry this guy. No guy is that good in bed to put up with you have described. The counseling may work, but often by the time a marriage is that far gone, it is too late. If you do not have admiration, respect, passion, and a ton of trust for him, and he for you, you really don't have much of a marriage. Since it appears you have no children, you may indeed be best to disolve this and get on with your life. And next time, decide what it is that you wish in a partner........learn about yourself....

Answer 7

I just want to tell you that happiness does not depend on others happiness comes from within us and it s not up to our husbands to make us happy in our relationship and if theres gonna be a change in this marriage it has to start in you first, about not being in love with him anymore love never finishes it gets cold so think about that one again and try to work it out, getting a divorce is so easy but dealing with the problems and not running away is what a real woman would do...good luck to u hun think about this one

Answer 8

IN YOUR wedding vows you vowed to love this MAN through thick and thin... through better or worse.... For richer or poorer.. Have you given this marriage your all? Have you sat down and explained to your husband the truth? Have you given this man everything until you have nothing else to give? Your husband sounds like he has some issues that he needs to work out, but those issues were probably there before you said "I Do", but you over looked them... Now my question to you is Do you believe that your husband LOVES you? Do you believe he is still in LOVE with you? Does your husband know that you are not in LOVE with him anymore? How is counseling going? From what you wrote he seems like he is trying, now you want to give up? what kind of foolishness is that? I recommend that you fight... If you have any type of fire burning for this man you keep on fighting.... I will make sure that I keep you and your family in my prayers..... Keep the faith girl... it will all work out

Answer 9

I dont think you will like my answer but here goes. You talk quite a bit about what HE has to do to change. I dont hear anything about compromise or what work you are willing to do on your end to meet him half way. A marriage is a partnership where two people work together toward a common goal as friends and lovers. It seems to me that you BOTH need to do some work and compromising if you are going to have this marriage work. If your expectations are HE is the only one who has to change and YOU dont need to do anyrthing then you are right your marriage IS in major trouble. Unfortunately if your attitude toward working as a team doesnt change then you will have relationship problems no matter who you are with.

Answer 10

Keep going to counseling and the key thing is that you have to forgive him for how he treated you and start working together to make the marriage you both want. You didn't make the wrong decision by staying the marriage - you both took vows, that shouldn't go away just because things are rough.

Answer 11

Regretfully, all the counseling in the world will not create love... The love has to be present in order for the counseling to be effective... Maybe your marriage is over... Remember, there is no wrong decision here... There is only an honest one...