how do i get me back ?

Question

after 19 years my husband left me. hes now with some1 else. while im left with 2 children, a **** load of bills and a mortgage i can not pay. after 5 months i though things would be getting better, but there not. im turning into some1 i dont no. all the worry and hurt, are having a phisical effect on me. i look ill, i dont eat, and dont sleep. I can not remember the last time i smiled. i want the old me back, but how do i make this happen ?

Answer 1

Dont go looking for the old you! Start looking forward finding the new you!

Try and get positive about the future! you owe it to yourself and your kids!

1) See a councillor, it can only do good.

2)look to improve your financial lot. Can you cut your outgoings, get a lodger, better job etc. The courts will see he pays what he needs to.

3)Be good to yourself, get out with friends, do the things youve wanted to do but never got round to doing. In short whatever it takes to get you on the road to feeling good about yourself! Theres plenty of folks in this world who are only too willing to slap you down, make sure your not one o them!

I know this is all so easy to say, its not goner be easy and im sure you got some more hurting to do. But when it clicks into place and you look back and see what accomplished!!.. youl shine! :)

Grow!! dont wilt..
take care
D

Answer 2

Firstly, I am SO sorry this has happened to you and cannot imagine the anguish you feel (well I can, hence why I am replying). A friend of mine has been through what you are going through not once but TWICE - both long marriages, both times the man ran off with someone else. She is a total inspiration to me because she is always laughing and joking and never takes any crap from anyone - but she says when it happened she cried for months, all the time. Ok, obviously there is the legal side of things to get sorted out (I work in Law). You need to get yourself a good solicitor and sort out what is what. This is ESSENTIAL. Don't think 'oh but I love him' or 'I can't face it' - Divorce and child matters take long enough as it is, so the sooner you crack on with it the better. If you get yourself a good solicitor, they will be so supportive of you.

Another thing I would do is give yourself what I call a 'grieving period'. Say to yourself 'right, in three months I will have done...'. Make a list which might be something like this : 1. Issue proceedings. 2. chuck all of his stuff out/give it back to him (however you feel). 3. spend at least two evenings in the three months in the company of your girlfriends - but not for prolonged periods, it can make things worse. 4. take your children for a day out ......

And so it goes on. Tell yourself you will be back in the driving seat within 6 months. Then do what you need to do to get there. You may need to be a little tough on yourself at times, but I PROMISE you, you WILL get there. You're still here aren't you? You are a fighter. Good luck and hang on in there - no man has ever got the better of one of us women yet!! xx

Answer 3

You need to deal with one issue at a time. First lose the hatred about what you have lost. Everyone loses things we need to move on from that we cant change it. Second financials need to be taken care of change your lifestyle to afford what you have money for and get the child support he owes through the state. There are financial arrangements that can be made with most creditors in this type of situation. In the worst case bankruptcy would help solve this. The next thing is to get a social life for you which should include things you like to do with and without your children. You are now the person in charge of your life so do positive things and start each day trying to find the good things in it. The bad we cant change will only hurt us if we let it.

I think we have to leave the Gray to see the colors.

Good Luck to You and God Bless!!

Answer 4

Okay, so first if the bills are half his, then he needs to be held accountable and help pay them,sell your home, if you can, off course if you wont. Iam only looking at this from my point , as i live in New Zealand, i writing to what you could do. Next yourself, you are still a young women, and firstly you need to eat, eating is fuel to your body and mind, makes you feel and think better. Sleep, if you are lying awake, worrying about all these things, then you a feeling horriable, so try and get something herbel to help you sleep, these things will make you think better, instead of thinking about the neg things, start thinking about the positive things... you have two lovely kids, and if your husband left you like that, he is not worth worrying about.....medition and just relax and get some help with your bills and what to do about the house etc, talk to someone.... but please help yourself get back into good health, and then things will start to look better. i send you my blessing and pray that things will get better for, sweetie i have been through this, and after my 21 son was murdered, my husband letf me, for my daughter-law....and left me with a 5 and 6 year old, and i tfelt like death... i pulled myself up by the socks, i no now she did me a favour, things have never been better, except i still miss my son something shocking, but i have learnt to live with it.....so you to can do the same.. good luck.

Answer 5

Make a list of everything and prioritize it. Your bills are eating you alive and it's all you can do to keep your head above the water. You have choices to make about the bills; sell the house, file bankruptcy, etc. Talk to an attorney who specializes in
bankruptcy and make a list of questions to take with you.
Once you have that problem/worry taken care of, things will get better. You need to eat to keep up your strength, you have kids that are depending on you. I know it's hard to even have an appetite, but you must eat. When you go to bed, even if you don't sleep, make sure you get rest. Remember, worrying about things is not going to solve anything. And make another list of all your goals. As time goes by and you put this behind you, you will obtain those goals. When it comes right down to it, it's all about mind over matter. Someday you will look back on all of this and be able to tell yourself: I made it!
You my dear, are going to be alright, you will be just fine. And remember, you are not the first woman to go through this nor will you be the last. Many women have walked in your shoes, rebuilt their lives and are doing just fine. If they can do it, so can you!

Answer 6

Did you go through divorce proceedings? A good lawyer can get you what you need financially. Among other things, you can sell the house, split the profits and get into a different more affordable home. You also can get child support and also alimony for a short time while you get on your feet. When you get your money worries under control, you will sleep better. Get some counseling for emotional wounds and maybe join a support group. Knowing that you are in a similar situation as other people and sharing your own experiences will help you heal.

Answer 7

Don't you want to get the 'new you'?

I was married almost 21 when my wife left me.... I had similar circumstances as you.... I lost 30 lb. during that. I didn't even know what interested ME. I'd spent my life raising my daughter. I knew what interested her...

I don't know how you get your 'OLD me' back...

what I did to get the me that I now have, which is not the OLD ME:

I finished raising my daughter(ex didn't pay child support I took care of it.. ..I still have NOT told my daughter this.)

Now that she is and independent person I focused on me..
but I didn't know what "I" wanted.... so,,,,

Soooo, i focused on MY dreams that I had as a child... and started going for those... some were foolish to go for, but i went anyway,,
surprised at what I learned by not making those....
(some things that I learned are - that when I'm overwhelmed, that is the time to be sure that MY priorities are right and do the most important first, next most important second, etc - and if I can't do them all at least I did the most important one(s) first)

I'm still going for the one or two dreams that are attainable...

Got frustrated not long ago and my daughter said "dad, do somthin' that you have never done before"
I did...

Did I mention that I believe my daughter is very smart?
.
.

Answer 8

Getting you back is one of the hardest things as you know,what you need to start of by doing is looking at the good things in your life, your kids! You must however start tryin to eat and try to grab a few hours sleep.this is the worst thing you can do not sleep and not eat. also please try a seek some help from a doctor or even a friend so you can talk. talking is the best form of help. I have been on a struggle 2 find myself again after things but through talking i am getting there. Slowly i am eating again and starting to sleep better. You will get there but it will take time.

Answer 9

First of all you don't want the old you back..because that lead you to where you are right now...no sense in repeating yourself...You need a new you to get you out of and put this difficult time behind you....You say left you, not divorced? if you haven't divorced then file immediately and get rid of half these financial obligations..if you have and this is after a divorce property settlement then you need to either refinance and consolidate bills or sell the home and find another place that you can afford...This is going to take effort and by doing so will gain you your self esteem and self worth back too...good luck, blessings.

Answer 10

The longer you are with someone the more of your future you picture with you and them in it so to be without them requires you to re-think and re-visualise your whole future. Whilst this may sound a bit airy-fairy there is some sense in it. If you start to visualise a new future where you are the person you want to be, doing the things you want and achieving the things you value you can sort of 'trick' your brain into believing these things are true thus helping boost your confidence, feel more in control and self-assured and making it easier for you to face one of the toughest times of your life. There isn't an easy answer and people telling you 'time' and 'having hope' will help don't really help you but these things are true. You can't control your past but you are in control of your future. Good luck