how do I leave the woman I love?

Question

I was a happily married man, 2 kids. I love her but I'm not in love with her anymore. Sound trite? I wasn't looking for anything, but I bumped into a woman who knocked me on my behind over the course of several months - conversation, personality, etc. And I've put myself in that embarrassingly-sappy spot from "Bridges of Madison County," in which I'm in the truck at the intersection, my hand trembling on the door handle, wanting to jump out and follow what feels like the time and dreams of the rest of my life with this woman. I've never been unfaithful, and I am a healthy, intelligent, conscious person who doesn't want to hurt anyone. I also feel like I have the chance of a lifetime with this other woman, who's caused me to look at my marriage and admit I'm not the person I want to be, I've adapted willingly so much for the marriage, but this other woman allows me to be who I consider to be the real me. I thought I was too smart to risk it all for a dream ...

By the way, I dearly love my children, and have no intention of doing the "male thing" and abandoning them; the "other woman" has children as well, and is equally healthy, conscious, and hell-bent on not hurting anyone. We talk alot and think alot, together, and independently. I never thought I'd meet someone so spot-on with my nature, that includes my wife, and I'm feeling ripped apart that I am even considering this a choice. But I'm always the one who does things for the smart, right reasons ... and this time my heart is in there saying, "Yeah, but ... " and I want to make the leap with this woman, as aware as I can possibly be of consequences. I'm a good person, and those who will ream me with the marriage vows, etc. have a point, but I'm one who believes I get one chance at this dance of life, and I'd die a little each day knowing I didn't try this with her. Please spare the condemnations and religion, just give me some poignant perspectives and you'll have done a good deed.

Answer 1

stop calling her dats all

Answer 2

It's up to you on what you do, but make sure that you're 100% sure that's what you want. Sometimes a relationship lacks things such as conversation or romance. It may be that there's nothing there anymore or that the two are stressed. Then someone comes along and tells you all the things that you want to hear at the right time and you fall fast and hard. Sometimes it works out and other times it don't. You have to realize that a relationship changes with time. At the beginning of a relationship, things seem so great, then with time things change. Not that the love has changed, just that life gets in the way. Having two kids makes things a lot different for a couple. That means more time being mom and dad then husband and wife. If you leave your wife for another women that's your choice, but be ready to except all the things to come. If you decide later that you made a mistake, she might not take you back. Then you'll have lost everything for nothing. I guess all I'm saing is that you should think about everything before taking such a step. It not only affects you but your wife and KIDS. If you decide that leaving is what you want, talk to your wife about how you feel. Let her know everything that bothers you about ya'lls relationship. Maybe if you tak about that, ya'll can fix things. But If you leave her, she deserve to know the truth, so don't lie about anything. I hope this helps you. Good Luck !

Answer 3

sometimes we feel that the grass is always greener on the other side....so here's the choices you have. First of all if you are a happily married man, but the sparks are gone, then maybe you should first try relighting that fire with your wife, but you also need to stop talking to this other woman for a while. If that doesn't do anything for you then you probably need to separate from your wife without beginning any other relationship. This will give you a chance to see what you really want, sometimes the separation will bring you back together again, but in any event, before you begin a new relationship, make sure that you are done with the old one, you don't want to hurt your family and a roller coaster ride is not fair to any of you. Be smart and good luck!

Answer 4

This is all bs and you know it. First of all, you don't have a REAL life with this other woman so there goes your allowing you to be who you really are, its so easy to say that to people when you aren't dealing with bills and kids. You are deluding yourself in that area and none of it is even real. Think back to when you first met your wife.....see what I mean? Not to mention that if you compromised yourself in your marriage thats your fault. You also need to quit telling yourself you haven't cheated, if you aren't sleeping with her you are certainly having an emotional affair and how do you convince yourself that isn't cheating? Have some integrity. If you want to leave your wife just leave and let her find someone that loves her and has some character and a moral compass that doesn't put south all the time! But when you really get to be with this woman and wake up and realize that its all easy when you are having an affair and NOT so easy to carry over to a lifetime remember that I told you so. Besides what you end up with is a woman that is willing to compromise her own morals (which are apparently lacking) to be with a married man..woo hoo big prize there! And lucky her she gets a cheater. If you think you won't repeat the same behaviors with this other woman you are, once again, deluding yourself. You will because you obviously haven't learned the lessons and dealt with YOUR issues. The thing you have to remember about dreams is they are illusions, not reality. I can't believe a grown man is being so suckered by a fairy tale! These relationships fail 98% of the time, but hey who am I go for it, which I only say because your wife deserves better than you and so do your kids and you and the 'other' woman deserve each other.

Answer 5

Dude you have made up your mind! The only thing you haven't done is had the balls to go through with it. Why is that? Because you are not sure this is the right thing to do!! Suppose you go through with this, and six months down the road (after the new has worn off) you decide you have made a mistake? Know the difference between love and lust here man. The old saying "if it seems too good to be true, then it must be" sure seems to ring a bell don't it? Several years into a marriage, this happens to all of us. Surely you don't think your situation is unique do you? How well do you know this other woman? She has kids too? Wonder what her x has to say about her? I think you might be making the biggest mistake of your life here! You don't know what you got till it's gone. Ask yourself this; what does this other woman have that my wife doesn't? You need to talk to someone about this issue, before you go off half ****** and throw a good thing away chasing a dream. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Listen to me...don't leave your wife that you love. You say you are not in love with her anymore, but don't get it mixed up with the hum drums of being married for a few years. Go back to the reason you married your wife in the first place. And ask yourself now, have you made suggestions to your wife or tried to make some new excitement with your marriage? Sounds like you have not even tried. You need to quit talking and conversating and being around this other woman, who of course is going to be sympathetic to you about your marriage, but only for her own selfishness, because she wants you to get at her, which elevates her own ego as "the other woman". You need to start talking to your wife, and doing things with her. When is the last time you surprised her with a dozen roses? A nice surprise romantic dinner for just the two of you? Trust me, don't leave your wife for this other woman, it is a mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life within a year or two and it also will have lifelong scars with your kids. Be a real man and step away from the other woman.

Answer 7

I feel for you, you're in a rough spot. How long have you been married? Would your wife accept you for the real you? Look at your life as it is. Do you see potential in trying to change the situation in your marriage? It's worth a try, you were in love with her at one time. Every marriage has compromise so don't think you wouldn't have to do some of that in any relationship. Lets say you've been married for 20 years. Do you see the next 20, 30, 40 years of your life as potentially happy? With whom? If there is a possibility that you and your wife could fall in love again, try for it. The two of you need to talk before you are unfaithful because left as it is, you will be and everyone will be hurt.

Answer 8

Life is about making choices, but the key to life is being happy while living it. You never know which day will be your last, so live life to the fullest. But it sounds like you have a lot of decision making to do. Is it really that you're unhappy with your life, or has this new woman made you realize things about yourself that your consciousness has let slip away. If you are to make the decision to leave, make sure that this new woman IS the one. Otherwise, you'll be setting yourself up for a disaster and depression to boot.
At the same time, don't forget the side effects of divorce. Mainly, your kids. Divorce is really hard on kids especially if they have to decide which parent they will live with. Not to mention the costs of divorce, unless she's the bread winner.
Well my friend, good luck in your decision and I hope you make the one that leads you to a lifetime of happiness.

Answer 9

She seems perfect for you - BUT you do not have a life with her.. You have not seen her at her worst, do not have to pay bills with her, you do not have children together. You truly do not know her, and you have fallen for someone with whom you are still making sure you look good infront of etc. You can't really be yourself around someone that you don't really know. You and your wife have made a life together, maybe you need to spice things up with her intellectually. Is she a stay at home mom? Does she work full time? Does she work full time and come home and take care of the kids?

Give her a break, take her out for a week of adult only conversation - she probably misses this too. You two might reconnect and you may find that conversation with your wife is even better than the other woman.

Answer 10

You are an idiot for trying to dump your lovely wife to get with a spineless woman that has no morals and has the nerve to date a married men with kids.

She is a selfish self serving homewrecker... of course she wants you to see "how unhappy you are" that serves her well, doesn't it?

The new car always runs well my friend, the thrill of the novelty will run out too, now you are flattered by her attention and your are feeling this intoxicating feeling of being alive... it's nothing that the poison of temptation getting into you.

It's not worth it, Please, don't break up your marriage for this s lut. A woman that dates married man are a dime a dozen.

A lovely lady and a good wife and mother is very hard to come by. Don't be an idiot. Stop seing the other woman and get a motorcycle or a red corvet instead of cheating. This is just a middle life crises.

Answer 11

Hunny, Our human nature indicates to us that love is nothing more than an emotion. We make decisions based on our emotions, and even get married because we feel "in love." This is the reason that about half of all first marriages end in divorce. The Bible teaches us that true love is not an emotion that can come or go, but a decision. We are not just to love those who love us, but we should even love those who hate us, the same way that Christ loves the unlovable (Luke 6:35). "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
It can be very easy to fall in love with someone, but there are some questions to ask yourself before deciding if your "love radar" is leading you in the right direction with this new woman. The Bible tells us that when two people get married, they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5).

Last...There is no measuring stick to determine when we are in love with someone, but it is important to discern whether we are following our raw emotions, or following God's will for our lives.

Good Luck!!! And- I hope you choose to fall in love with your wife again.