I feel really guilty, has anyone else felt this way?

Question

Our little boy is 6weeks old. He's breastfed only and is putting on nearly a pound each week!

He feeds CONSTANTLY though! My poor wife feeds every two or three hours without fail - she hasn't slept properly in ages, I've fed him breastmilk in a bottle to give her a rest but she's just exhausted.

We suspected that many of his feeds were comfort feeds as e doesn't always take milk and cries unless he's on his mum!

Tonight.... we gave him a dummy - we had sworn to ourselves we wouldn't... but instantly he started sucking away and then fell asleep!!! Little Jack never sleeps!!

He seems to have a real need to suckle - feel guilty though!!!!!!

hehe! He's now spat his dummy out and is sleeping soundly! YAY!!

Thankyou so much for all the supportive answers - my wife feels much better now too!! It's going to be really hard to choose a best one!

Answer 1

Don't feel guilty. Brest feeding takes a lot out of you both physically and emotionally. Your wife needs the rest and the pacifier is just a tool. It can become a crutch but it doesn't have to be. Just remember that you are the parent and you know what's best for your son. And remember that it'll get better. That first year can be rough. But it worth it when you see that toothless smile or giggle. Enjoy!

Answer 2

Do not feel guilty, its the right thing to do by your child. You know him best and if suckling comforts him then a dummy is the best option.

I had exactly the same problem, my son wouldnt sleep or settle unless he was being fed. At 4 weeks I gave him a dummy and it was a life saver. It also helped him through teething as he had something to bite on.

Just make sure you have plenty in stock and always a few spare sterilised. Also get a little clip to attach the dummy to his clothing, as they can spit quite far for such a small baby!

Good luck and just keep doing what your instincts tell you are right for your child.

Best wishes xx

Answer 3

No need to feel guilty I did exactly the same with my 2 kids now age 6 & 3 after swearing they wouldn't have dummys it worked a treat. If your wife is getting the sleep she needs she will be happier and happy mums = happy babys everyones a winner.

Enjoy being parents and dont worry about silly little things. There will be plenty of time for worry later on.

Answer 4

Aww! Sorry to hear you guys are having such a hard time. And I know exactly what you mean. I went to class for breastfeeding and everything. Did everything by the book and once I had Adrian it was total different story. First thing you have to do is think of the baby, although you picture or even planned for things to be a certain way that isn't always the case.
I also told myself I wouldn't give him any formula but I just couldn't deal with the pain after 3 months also I had the beginning of ppd ( post partom depression) so, that made it even harder. You want a healthy baby and if you have tried everything, you have no reason to feel guilty. I know it only normal for first time parents but you will feel even better once you see your baby get bigger and at peace. He doesn't sleep because he is not satisfied. I did both, it is important for your wife and the baby to have bond and nurture. So, she can breastfeed him for 30 minutes and then give him like 3 oz. of formula, you will see the difference. If you only I can show pictures of Adrian.
Don't Zebra you just worried and concerned father and husband. Thats nice to see. Good luck.

Answer 5

Babies do suckle for comfort and that's why dummies were invented. I used one. When my lad was 19 months old he pulled it out of his mouth, looked at it, said 'not want that' and put it in the bin. And he didn't transfer to a blanket or anything else. I guess he felt secure enough to finish with it.
I have no idea why parents are made to feel guilty all the time. It does nothing to promote good parenting. Most of us try to do our best, we take the advice because it seems the best advice at the time. Our kids grow up ok! Really, they do; I don't believe that one little thing like a dummy is the most important thing in your kids childhood!

Answer 6

Don't feel guilty...you will never get any sleep...some babies just have the need to suckle...Minse started sleeping through the night at 2-1/2 weeks. He went in his own bed at 1 week old...and has been an amazing child. He did nurse every 2-3 hours in the day time...but I felt that was a fair exchange for sleeping through the night. If he takes a dummy...then fine...more rest for your wife, and it means that he wasn't really hungry

Answer 7

Please don't feel in the slightest bit guilty about this. At 6 weeks your little one's breastfeeding suckling pattern should be very well established by this stage, so using a dummy is unlikely to put him off. I remember feeling like this with my first baby - but in the interest of sanity I have already purchased dummies for use this time (due in 10 days and intend to breastfeed). Some babies, particularly if they are colicky can be very 'sucky' and the dummy can also help with that problem too. Hope he remains settled for you.

Answer 8

Congratulations on the birth of your Son. Little else in life compares to children, enjoy this time, they grow so quickly.
It's hard isn't it, but don't beat yourself up about it, especially not the dummy. Why do you think you see so many babies with them. They are normally criticised by people with-out children, people who have forgotten what it was like to have young children or un-realistic medical staff.

Do the feeds you can, share as much of the load as possible and believe that it does get better.

Both of ours (7yrs & 2yrs) had dummies (and comfort sheets) and had no problem giving them up. In fact the aid to sleep for the baby is just as important for the baby, as it is for both of you.

Don't feel guilty, be proud, you sound like great parents.

Answer 9

My daughter was a constant feeder. She'd hop on without fail every 2 hours and stay there for ages.

There's nothing wrong with comfort feeding, in fact I think it increases the bond between child and mother. And I wouldn't deny my child the right to their one source of comfort! I'd rather my daughter had a good go on the busters than be a slave to some rubber substitute. But that's just me. I swore I'd never give her a dummy and I stuck to it.

Oh, and the sleep deprivation is all part of motherhood!

Sorry if I sound harsh but it sounds like a bit of a cop-out to me. Each to their own though...

Answer 10

Don't feel guilty, i did the same with my two and i swore as well that i never would. You and your wife obviously need a little break, hes sleeping now so you can relax, have some special time together, or even catch up on some sleep!!!!
No matter what age your children are you will always feel guilty for something or other, that's just the way it is I'm afraid!!!!!!!
Enjoy the peace and quiet!!!