Marriage on the rocks?

Question

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS. I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH, BUT I AM AFRAID THE FIRE IS BURNING OUT BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. WE HAVE 3 KIDS. HE TENDS TO IGNORE ME A LOT AND IS ALWAYS QUESTIONING MY WEIGHT. I WEIGHT ABOUT 150. I CAN'T SEEM TO LOSE ANYMORE WEIGHT. WHAT CAN I DO TO REKINDLE THIS FLAME. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. WE HAVE SEX EVERY NIGHT, BUT IT IS JUST A HURRY UP AND GO TO SLEEP KIND OF SEX. I AM AFRAID IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING I WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE MY MARRIAGE SOMEDAY. I TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF HIM, FIXING HIS DRINKS AND FOOD AND LAUNDRY. I JUST FEEL VERY IGNORED AND DON'T FEEL HE IS ATTRACTED TO ME ANYMORE. WHAT DO I DO

Answer 1

Hi Holly!

First of all, you do not have to think that the problem is you. You gave him 3 children and take care of him and he complains about your weight. Well, maybe he is looking somewhere else or just likes to complain.

You are a good mother and do all you can. Talk to him and tell him that you do not like how things are and see his response. Don't be so down on yourself!

Answer 2

Dear Holly,

I have been married for 12 years now and can tell you it is sometimes very challenging, especially with three children (which I also have). I don't have all the answers, but I will tell you what has worked for me.
1. Go to the bookstore and buy a copy of "The Power of a Praying Wife," by Stormie Omartian. I think they have it at Wal-Mart even because it has sold so many copies, because it is such a great book.
2. If you are a stay at home mom, I strongly suggest that you sign your children up for mother's day out at least 2 days a week. They need the time and so do you.
3. Do some things Just FOR You, not your kids, not your husband, just you.
4. Don't let the focus be on your weight. Eat right and exercises but don't obsess. Many women would love to weigh 150 after having 3 kids. I found it takes about ten months to take off baby weight (and you've had 3!!) Just be consistent about exercising and drink lots and lots of water. Also, eat an apple before every meal and you will feel full.
5. Buy yourself some flattering clothes. They don't even have to be expensive or numerous. Take a CLOTHES SAVVY friend with you to Target. Before you go, analyze your body truthfully and buy things that accentuate the positive. For example, if you have fuller backside and thighs, buy a-line skirts and longer fitted tops. Wear wedges with a little heel.
6. Update your hairstyle. Splurge on a great haircut from a reputable stylist.
7. AS far as your husband, he is lucky to have someone who cares about him as much as you do. Do not allow him to be rude to you. You have feelings, too. When he makes disparaging remarks tell him, "It really hurts my feelings when you make remarks about my weight, especially when I have given birth to all of our children, in this short period of time."
8. DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN RIGHT NOW!!!!
If you cannot take the pill and your husband will not take responsibility in this department get fitted for an IUD or a diaphragm.
9. Also, you mentioned something about fixing your husband's "drinks". I am assuming these are alcoholic drinks. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND AL-ANON. Believe me I have been there.

Please take my advice at face value. I am not a professional counselor. However, I have been married for twelve years, with the last half better than the first.

Answer 3

Stop having kids if you want to lose weight.

Enroll in Jenny Craig. 150 is alot if you have a petite frame. I'm 5'8" and weight 134 and still can use some pounds off of me.

Excersise. having kids is no excuse not to excersice. You can put on a pilates/ypga tape while the kids are taking a nap or in school. Take the baby on a stroller and walk on the park or around the neigborhood.

Stop drinking sugary sodas and drink water instead. Don't snack on chips and eat smaller meals. Bake instead of fry, and skip dessert,

Being anxious and depressed is going to make you over eat. Keep yourself active and out of the house. Get a dog and wlk the dog three times a day.

Physical atraction is important in a relationship, there is no doubt about it. Your husband already told you that he has a problem with yoru weight so you need to start doing something about it. It's not about being shallow, men are visual creatures and being overweight is not attractive to them, no matter what, it's a fact.

Do it for yoruself too, I'm sure that you want to wear your skinny jeans again.

Good luck

Answer 4

Ok, here's the thing, when you let someone walk all over you for years and you wait on them hand and foot, they lose respect for you. Once they have lost that respect for you, they are done with you--the challenge is gone, and they will eventually move to someone else. You have to get a backbone, 150 lbs. is not fat, unless you ar 4 foot tall, so don't worry about your weight. Worry about becomming the woman you would want a child of yours to grow up and become. Do not be a slave for your husband, remember you are equals, act like it. Sure you can still do things for him, just don't do 'everything' for him. See a counselor if you can --with or without him--either way it will help you. Good luck.

Answer 5

Honey you definitely need to lose some weight - I'd say about 200 pounds in the form of your husband. Sounds like a real jerk.

Seriously, it sounds to me like he is too comfortable. You have become old faithful. I say put some doubt into the equation to make him realize what he has and what he will be missing if he doesn't shape up. Stop catering to his every need, stop taking care of him, fixing him and drinks and doing all the chores. Concentrate on YOURSELF instead. Go shopping, go hang out with friends, get a new hobby, whatever, just stop being there for him constantly.

It's obviously he has become the centerof your world and you need to take a step back and gain some perspective. When he realizes his little woman is not where she's supposed to be, he'll come running back to you.

Answer 6

First, I recommend you not try to play any games. Sit him down and have an honest talk with him. Tell him you love him and you have concerns about your relationship. Try not to say things that sound like an attack, like "you always ignore me". Instead just focus on YOUR feelings, like "I feel ignored when you watch TV and don't seem to want to talk to me". Be ready to make some changes. Sometimes doing something different can work wonders. I also recommend the book "The 5 languages of love". You may be surprised at what you learn.

Answer 7

A sex every night after 3 years of marriage that is good achievement as long as you are sexually satisfied (have orgasm at least every second time). Try to set once a week a date where you go together for diner or to dance without kids being around (arrange for baby sitter). Be nice and smile you will be on good track. After few years of marriage friendship has be be more important that the sexual fire.

Answer 8

First of all sounds like to me you need to sit and talk with him nicely, and want to know what can I do to change to make this marraige better, ok I know that sounds weard, but you need to check this book out, Its called, The 5 Love Langanges. It shows both male and female, what ministers to you the most, what shows you love. Try that out, am telling you it will work. Try going out on dates, writing your husband a love letter, making a night of the week, where when you have sex, its full blown, candles, sex nighty, rose pettles the works, show him that you want more than a wam bam thank you mam

Answer 9

Express your feelings to him in writing. Write him a letter, let him know what's going on. He may not realize what's going on. Make some changes in yor lives.Perhaps try this, for the next two weeks, guaranteed to work:
1. Everyday, give him one compliment, even if it's hard,for example, "you look good in that shirt" or "smell nice." Just a simple compliment.
2. Everyday thank him for something. No biggie, can be as simple as "thanks for taking out the trash" or taking care of one of the kids needs. Something!

Answer 10

Hi
Try this plan it worked for me so here goes,
If you are serious about losing weight, the calories in the food you eat should be less than the energy you use. You will have to increase your metabolic rate now, and plan your diet carefully.
Formulate your own weight loss plan and you will lose weight faster. More details available at http://tinyurl.com/m7ckx

Good luck