Are there any grammatical mistakes in this? Any suggestions or comments? English majors only please!
Though money should not determine one’s success, it can determine how successful one feels. Personally, it would take more than a few thousand dollars to make me feel victorious in life. With a four year bachelor’s degree and a steady job, it would take an annual paycheck of at least $75,000 to make me feel completely successful. I know that sounds very materialistic, but you won’t find an honest person who will say they feel successful without any money. Ultimately, the level of my education and current job would determine the amount of money it would take to make me feel successful.
2006-08-23 08:12:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
I would avoid the use of second person in "but you won't find" as "you" is often used inaccurately. Go back to third person like it was in the beginning of the paragraph ("but one cannot find an honest person") or stick to 1st ("I do not think I could find") or something to that effect. In addition, in some cases, contractions are considered inappropriate for formal writing. Finally, in the second to last sentence you switch from singular to plural. You say "an honest person" and then use the pronoun "they." It should be "honest people who will say they feel successful."
2006-08-23 08:17:38 · answer #1 · answered by Kiki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Though money should not determine [one]’s success, it can determine how successful [one] feels."
"I know that sounds very materialistic, but [you] won’t find an honest person who will say they feel successful without any money."
I'm not sure what this error is called, but if you are using third person voice, you need to stay with it. You need to change the bracketed "you" to "one", or better just add "I doubt anyone would find..." as you are stating an opinion.
Bachelor's Degree should be capitalized, I believe.
2006-08-23 15:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by Sterling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
never use contractions....i assume you are writing a paper.....sounds like something i had to do for comp 1....instead of won't you should use will not...also your thought process is not streamlined...it is almost contradictory....in your third sentence you specifically state a dollar amount and the fact that money would make you feel successful while in your last sentence you contradict this by shifting the responsibility of your feeling of success to education and job status and by stating that the amount of money would be determined by this...and lastly change the entire paragraph to a single pronoun...for instance in the first sentence change one to my since all subsequent sentences are first person
2006-08-23 15:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by cookiesmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems ok to me, well written.
I am a little concerned about the comma after personally. Is it really needed?
2006-08-23 15:16:44 · answer #4 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take out the part about the "4year" bachelor program. They all take that long.
2006-08-23 15:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by BRYAN w/a Y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only major one i see wo uld be the "you won't find an honest PERSON........ say THEY feel successful".... i write like that all the time casually, but isn't it "correct" to say "he or she"?
2006-08-23 15:18:55 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes yes yes there are many garamar mistakes mostly capital letters
2006-08-23 15:15:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋