I'd like to go to counseling with my fiancee, but he seems to think it's a waste of money and time, his exact phrase "why should i shell out $200 to have you say to some guy the same thing you could tell me now?"
I think we have a lot of issues he is not even aware about, mostly coming from my side (loss of self, fear of routine...)
I think he should come because it would be easier for me to talk about these things with someone else.
did you married people go to counseling before you got married? also, is it normal to feel so depressed about settling down? i'm a free spirit, and while i love him, i also feel part of me will die.
2006-08-23 07:52:55 · 8 answers · asked by ingrid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go into counseling yourself if he won't come along. Hopefully he'll come with you, but I suppose you can't force him. If you do marry him, settling down doesn't have to contain your free spirit. You can still be who you are.
2006-08-23 07:55:38 · answer #1 · answered by Kiara 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have issues - perhaps you should consider going on your own. Sounds like you're not quite ready for marriage. In my personal experience, I never felt depressed about "settling down"; I enjoyed being single, for sure - but being married has been hugely enjoyable as well. If you feel that you could benefit from counseling, by all means just go; do your fiancé a favor and take care of your doubts now, instead of dragging it into marriage. He may feel resentful about your ambivalence; it can put a strain on your relationship.
2006-08-23 08:12:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I did not have counseling with my wife before marriage. We will be married 34 years.
Marriage is a union of two people, it is a partnership. If you feel it is important for him to go with you to counseling, then he should give it a try.
You seem unsure about this, in your last sentences you talk about being depressed, feeling that part of you will die. Maybe you are not ready and should not rush into things. You should feel happy in taking on a new phase of life and treat as a new beginning for the two of you.
2006-08-23 08:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I are separated it looks like we are going to get divorced because we both (more me than her) brought issues to the marriage that we never discussed. There was a book my wife got me BEFORE we were married that I never read until after the separation and I wish I had read it when she gave it to me. It is called “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts” by Dr. Les Parrott III and, Dr. Leslie Parrott. Get it and read it with your fiancée. Here are a few of the points I remember:
Practice unconditional acceptance! The deepest kind of sharing can take place only when there’s no fear of rejection. Some married couples walk on egg-shells around their spouses, fearing that they might say or do something to upset them.
Partners who do not cultivate intimacy will, at best, live in an “empty shell” marriage. They will coordinate practical details of their daily lives but they will live in an emotional and spiritual vacuum, never enjoying the full beauty of love.
Four styles of miscommunication:
Placating, Blaming, Computing and Distracting
1)Placating – eager to please – “whatever you want”. Want to keep peace at any price.
2)Blaming – given a problem, blamers feel the best defense is a good offense.
3)Computing – reasonable, calm – afraid of emotions
4)Distracting – “What problem? Let’s go shopping.”
2006-08-23 08:02:34 · answer #4 · answered by Steven H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow....Being a young married woman myself, i'll tell you this ( from experience) " Doubt means DON'T" If you are having doubts about settling down, don't do it....yet. Seek the help you need. If your fiance doesn't want to go to counseling, then you go and have a professional help you through some of the issues you have about not wanting to settle down. You definately NEED to be whole before you join with someone in holy matrimony. Best of luck to you, and God Bless
2006-08-23 08:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by Ms.loanofficer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before I retired I was the marriage counselor for our church. It was a requirement of the church that you had to have pre-marital counseling before getting married in the church. Being in a marriage requires new abilities and lots of adjustments. Thinking that it doesn't is foolish. Just because you have a set of car keys and a drivers license doesn't mean you know how to drive. I don't feel that you have to pay $200 hour for pre-marital counseling it is usually available through your local church. Good luck and God Bless
2006-08-23 08:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by Douggers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should attend counseling because it will determine if you should marry or not.It will allow all the problems that you have now to come out in the open.Many people discover that they are not meant to be.You already have doubts so you need to listen to your heart.Don't get married just to be because it will not last.
2006-08-23 08:06:33 · answer #7 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think you should consider having counseling sessions. there are so many divorces today due to the fact that some couples have issues and never resolve them before they are married. you can't change a person. they have to want to change themselves. it's better to find out now if that person is really meant for you . it will save a lot of heartache.
2006-08-23 07:58:30 · answer #8 · answered by intelligent80000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋