would you cheat on your cheating partner? and why? what will it do to your ego if so?

Question

i would preffer married peoples oppinion on this one , but if you have been in a relationship for over 5 years and your partner has cheated on you how can you forgive ? will avenging it by having sex with somebody else help you get over it ?
have you ever done this ? how did you feel afterwards ? has it saved your relationship ?

44 answers that all blew my small single only brain cell , WOW !!! thankyou all sincerely from the heart , after reading all of these answers i have learnt so much about myself and other people in a simmiliar situation here, (it put a lump in my throat and a tear to my eye) i know in my heart of hearts that i could never live with myself the same way afterwards , but the thought crossed my mind and now its gone thanks to you all.... I always preach to others never to run away from problems and so i will not leave or divorce, i cannot talk about it though so i guess i will just have to let time heal the wounds , one thing i have almost mastered in this life is how/when to keep quiet and hold my tounge, (perhaps that is hiding from issues but its better than running away)....... because there are so many great answers here i am having problems in choosing a best answer so i might put it to the vote.... i will certianly be coming back to this page in the future for help...

Answer 1

revenge sex is not wuts its cracked up to be. (no pun intended) like the old adage sez, 2 wrongs dont make a right.

most important thing is this; be honest with urself regarding ur ability to move on. if u can, great, work on ur hurts and feelins.

if not, save u and her the agony and cut it off now. she definitely is in the wrong. not dat ur owed compensation from her, but she needs to admit it and be willing to recover from wutever made her break her vows to u.

u need to either truly forgive her (is it even humanly possible to forget?) or deal with ur feelins of rejection, inadequacy etc and move on. either way, its a lot of work.

Answer 2

I always said that if it happened thats what I would do, to my partner, and that I would let them know I was doing it, as a deterrent...however in reality no it won't help, two wrongs don't make a right. Besides that if your partner cheats they have betrayed you and compromised themselves. How does compromising yourself and your beliefs and who you have been up to now going to help you feel better? I don't think it would, the only person you REALLY have to live with is yourself and who you believe yourself to be, if you lose that you have really lost everything. Its kind of like aspiring to be an alcoholic! The first thing to do in a situation like this is realize there is a pattern to the healing process, first there is a lot of anger, second there may be a period when you have sex with your partner a lot in order to 'stake your claim' or win your partner back, then the real affects of what has happened set in and thats when you know whether it is something you can deal with or not. I didn't realize this and made mistakes and big decisions while still going through this process and they turned out to be the wrong decisions. I feel that if I had known about this pattern I could have seen things more clearly. I also saw a list of things that might help someone decide whether they should forgive cheating or not and realistically thats what needs to be done, here they are, I hope they help you.

first you need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. i saw 7 things that can help you determine this:

Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time they cheated on you have they cheated in past relationships)

Do they own it (take full blame) or do they make excuses for why it happened?

Do they REALLY grasp the damage they have done to you and your relationship or just pay it lip service?

Are they sorry for the choice they made or sorry they got caught?

Are they willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess they made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or do they want to deny it and move on?

Is it out of character for them or are they insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)

Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did they grow up in a family where this happened? if its what they learned thats a big clue.

Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that they did. You have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok! Good luck!

Answer 3

two wrongs does not make a right.. It makes a left.. you need to sit down and think about what is important to you... Cheating on someone that cheats in you only brings more problems, because that is when both parties don't trust each other, they go through each other stuff and it's just a mess. You have to be the bigger person and make him suffer for what he has done.. I have tried that cheating on that cheater thing and it got my relationship no where... Men expect there woman not to step out on them, but some how some way they believe that it is OK for them to step out on us... WRONG... it never good to cheat. It will boost your ego, but in the end you will feel like crap because you know what is right... Deep down inside you know what is right, but gettin revenge right now sounds a lot better... Listen if you want this man as a husband don't do it.. If you really love this man, don't do it... If you could care less what happens, girl go ahead and rock someone world and do them proud..... But if you have a grain of mustard seed of faith that this can work out don't cheat, and if you have already tell him.... Keep the lines of communication open....

Answer 4

Cheating is the worst thing you can do in a relationship. It ruins the trust and most likely the relationship falls apart. If you can forgive and let go and it doesn't happen again, you may be able to rebuild the trust, but it will take time and is definately not easy. Don't cheat just to get revenge. That just lowers you to their level and in the end you have to live with your conscience. An affair may make you feel good temporairily, but it will cause more problems than it is worth. What good will come out of it?

Answer 5

It is hard to forgive b/c it is something that will cross your mind constantly. Cheating to feel better.. Yeah but what happens when nobody finds out just more cheating. Regardless of what ppl are saying when you are weak and your spouse just cheated and a offer is extended don't rationalize just do what you can live with. If you have a conscience cheating won't help. Follow your gut instinct. Sometimes screwing up like the person that screwed us over gives us a chance to see the changes that need to be made.

Answer 6

I am not married but have been recently divorced. My marriage lasted almost 15 years. During that time he was engaged in every act short of actually cheating, and I see it as the same thing as if he would have slept with someone else. My sweetest revenge was to leave and never look back. He is still miserable and doing the same behaviors, and I have never been happier. I had the opportuntiy one or two times but I never even considered it as an option. Not even once was I tempted to "teach him a lesson". His lesson is a lifetime without the one he was supposed to love and nurture. He will have to live with that consequence forever. That and child support and alimony sure help heal the wounds. Don't compromise who you are because of someone elses bad choices. 2 wrongs do not make a right. GL

Answer 7

Okay, first hand experience on this one. Married 14yrs, four kids. Husband has always been very flirty and made 3 attempts to cheat (one with an ex-wife) but never fully did it. UNTIL, supposedly he hit a mid life crisis, (i guess?) I came home with daughter at the time was 20months old and found him naked with some piece of trash he picked up out of no where. That happened in July of 2002 and still feels like yesterday. Mind you I had just lost my father 3 weeks prior to cancer, so I was beside myself to say the least. Well..... I forgave but could not forget! I started to "talk" to someone as "friends" and trust me it was like that for quite some time but then when it came to actually getting physical I found that I had anger because I could still feel what my husband had done to me. I ended up cheating on him after all 2yrs after (2004), and to say the least ended up getting pregnant! Now I have a reminder of what I have done and can say absolutely nothing to no one other than people I don't know on the internet! You think you got troubles! I have regrets, sorrow, and sadness but what can you do?! You keep living. He doesn't know and he probably won't ever but personally I think its best that way. I don't want my kids to suffer consequences of a divorce because I was stupid enough to get "even". You know?

Answer 8

Are you married to this person? Are you a committed couple? Are you mature? If you are all of these things, then by definition, you are not a game player, nor seeking revenge ---- useless enterprises. If your relationship is over, it is over. Get out, and find someone with the same values as you. Relationships that work have Passion, Admiration, Respect and Trust. All of that is down the toilet if you are into revenge and cheating. You need to grow up, and decide what you are willing to put into a relationship, and what you want out of it. You question betrays the fact that you have an answer to neither of these questions -- you are into games, and games don't work in the long run.... Answer your question, hon?

Answer 9

I have been in this situation before a long time ago. I thought I was getting revenge, but felt bad afterward. It is very hard to get over a cheating spouse. I never found the forgiveness I wanted by cheating, just guilt. It can never save a relationship. Only hurting your self respect and the respect of everyone else. Good luck. I have finally gotten over it, but it does take time.

Answer 10

I was married for 23 years. During this time, I discovered my husband was a porn addict who moved from magazines to porn movies to spending an enormous amount of time at the only strip joint in town. He became involved with one of the dancers there, had an affair, told me all about it & rubbed it in my face. I did not feel in the mood to cheat back. It was a watershed moment where I realized he would never change and I needed to get out & develop another life without him. Too bad it took me so long.
By the time he cheated on me, I was pretty numb so it kind of didn't matter in a way, as the marriage had been over for a long time. Just another sad but true story!

Answer 11

Cheating on your partner will not help you get over it. The best thing to do is decide whether you are ready to forgive and to never bring it up again. If you cannot forgive this person, then l would suggest leaving. I know a lot of couples that have cheated on each other and they eventually get divorced anyway.