Loss of attraction because of being overweight?

Question

After three pregnancies I'm trying to lose weight. I'm really uncomfortable with how I look, so I'm eating better and am going to start to exercise in 4 weeks (that's when my doctor said it will be okay after giving birth) and I'm really concerned with my health. My problem is now my husband isn't as attractive to me. He's always been heavy, but it hasn't ever bothered me before like it does now. He still eats unhealthy and has no plans to exercise or lose weight, even though he admits he has a weight problem. I still love him because he's a great husband and father. But I'm concerned for his health and I don't get turned on by his looks anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can make him lose weight, it has to be his own choice. I'm concerned for our relationship. Is it just my own insecurities with my own body causing this? Or is it that I could have changed my tastes for what I want in a mate? Any advice?

Answer 1

Sounds like you just gave birth recently. Perhaps you are suffering from the baby blues...hormones causing you to feel differently about things for a while - I know I did. When you start eating right and exercising invite him to join you. I'm supposing you love him, so stick with him through this rough patch - he stuck with you through your being pregnant and mood swings, etc... I suppose. The grass always looks greener, but it really is just the same color in every other yard once you get there. I'd spend this time being happy in my baby's birth and let some time pass before I pass judgment on your hubby. A new baby is stressful - good, but still a stress on a family. Let your family return to a more "normal" state! Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think you have the right idea already.

Your husband isn't going to loose weight unless he wants to. I'm not saying it is wrong to tell your husband that he needs to loose weight, but if it won't do any good and will just start drama, don't do it. You can do your best to help him, and your whole family have a better lifestyle. Start cooking healthy meals. Suggest outings to the park, etc.

You may also be surprised at how your loosing weight will inspire your husband. When people start to notice how great you look maybe your husband will want to join in.

And remember, sex isn't all about physical attraction, and marriage isn't all about sex. Everybody has rough spots, so I would do your best to improve your lifestyle, and guide your husband in the right direction. Again, he is the only one who can choose the healthier path.

Answer 3

It could be part of your pregnancy that are bring up those issues that you never once thought of. I understand how you feel if you are really concerned about his weight and not his pyshical appearance because there are definetly some risk factors that come along with obesity. And, you want to be concerned especially since you have children who you want to see grow up one day. Instead of suggesting a diet, why don't you start cooking health meals without mentioning anything to him. Gradually replace the sodas and beers and what not for water and replace the chips for low cal. goodies little by little. Start suggesting some pyshical activities that he might be interested in and join him as well. Basically, make some changes to what you eat and psyhical activities without putting so much attention to it so not to cause hurt feelings or arugment. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

I would not change a great husband/daddy for nothing in the world.
You are a mother, don't forget that. Be patient with him. I would advice you to do the cooking for him. You can get him into eating healthy. Help him. Don't give up. When you look at him fatty, go back to the days when you first met him, hold on to that thought.

Oh, listen to this son: What a beautiful day by Chriss cagle. after you listen to eat, you'll know what I mean.

Answer 5

Sex with a spouse doesn't have to always be the high point of your day. If he desires you and treats you with respect and dignity, try to meet his needs as a gift to him. I am sure you do lots of things for your kids and husband all through the day that you don't really have an 'apetite' for. Sex may just have to be one of those things for awhile.
However, that does not mean that you must sacrifice your body on the altar of his lust. Talk with him about emotional connections between the two of you as well as physical ones. If the two of you are on a good emotional level, he may be more open to joining you in your healthy habits.

Answer 6

Advice? Sure. You guys need to do some reading about just how unhealthy extra weight is. All kinds of things are appearing daily in newspapers -- increased vascular problems, stroke, heart attack, degenerative joint disease, diabetes, increase cancer rates etc. And these are things that don't happen to older folks, they are happening to young people in their 20's and 30's. America is a fat nation -- go almost anywhere else in the world, and you don't see this.... went to Italy for a month in March, saw only one, ONE fat Italian. Landed in Dallas-Ft. Worth ---- fat city...huge people all over the airport -- almost embarrassing to look..... Look up some things on the web -- Web MD, and look up BMI Body Mass Index, to find out just how overweight the two of you are. Get yourselves into the hands of a dietitian, (No, it ain't cheap, or free, but you are dealing with your futures, and he/she can help you prepare meals that are satisfying and healthy) and remember, that it didn't take just 6 months to put it on, it won't be just 6 months to take it off. Be sure you get the exercise in too. No one said it was easy to loose weight in modern America, but we are now "pig city". Americans are all too fat, yet hate fat people----- curious. Helpful????

Answer 7

You can't make him lose weight...but...as you start eating better you will be cooking healthier foods and having less junk food in the house. This will force him to eat better at least at home. As you exercise and lose weight he will be noticing how much happier and healthier you are. Maybe he will realize that he better keep up with you. Whatever you do...don't stop because he isn't doing it. Good luck!

Answer 8

Hi
This simple plan really worked for me so here goes,
If you are serious about losing weight, the calories in the food you eat should be less than the energy you use. You will have to increase your metabolic rate now, and plan your diet carefully.
Formulate your own weight loss plan and you will lose weight faster. More details available at http://tinyurl.com/m7ckx

Good luck

Answer 9

you married him didnt you and if hes always ben a bit heavy whats differnt now the fact you arent attracted to him may just be getting well from having a babe my husband and i have been married almost 29 yrs we are both bigger now thaa when we first got married but its out love for each other that keeps us seeing the best of each other and thats what turns us on he will be 50 tommorow and i ordered me a nighty from lanyes to wear i plan on pleasing him in every way possible and knowing he is having a good time turns me own get past the flesh and look at the heart full of love for u get a grip

Answer 10

Your husband is jealous that you are taking care of yourself, you are eating and living healthy and you have changed your lifestyle so you can live longer and happier. Your husband--if anything--should support your desicions in whatever you do. "Thru thick and thin, thru sickness and in health, till death do us part." He has to seriously think about the wedding vows. If he eats unhealthy, then he needs to seriously consider about his weight, and not only that, your relationship. Its ok to not be attracted to him because u know that he is capable of eating healthy and being happy as u are. You are right: it has to be his choice. Encourage him to take walks with you, just to start off. It isnt going to hurt him at all, its only going to help him. I know that you love him a great deal, you appriciate him for who he is, and if he dont change his ways, he may die young, or have health complications for a long time and i know that you dont wnat that to happen. I congradulate you to the fullest becuase you work hard to be a good wife, mother and provider. He has to want to change for the better of himself, his health, for you and your family. I had the same problem with weight after i had my daughter. i take walks, i do crunches, i try to stay away from food that is not good for me (except for chocolate. im a fiend for that ^_^) Its normal to gain weight after pregnancies, but you are doing the right thing by taking care of your body wish you the best of luck. Email me if you like.