I have not always been the most honest person with my husband, I have lied to him about things in the past, but none were major things mostly small stuff, I have never cheated on him and do not go out to bars. My life consists of going to work, shopping at the grocery store, and coming home. we have been married for two years now and in this time he has accused me of cheating every other month if not every month (this behavior started after we were married). My husband has now asked me to take a lie detector test, I told hiom no because my feeling is that after two years of me not having any friends, not going any where without him, doing everything i can to make him comfortable includuing changing my wardrobe and being a very devoted wife if he still can't trust me then we shouldn't be together. My husband has been married before and has been cheated on in his past two relationships and his last marriage. Am I wrong for telling him no?
2006-08-23 05:36:46 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In this particular circumstance, I would not submit to a polygraph. Your husband is accusing you of infidelity, when you've not done anything wrong? And you have no friends, he tells you what to wear, and he keeps tabs on you all the time?
What you are describing is a psychological ABUSER. You need to get some counseling and you need to get out of that relationship. He is manipulating you, and by controlling you, he is abusing you. If you don't believe me, contact a local battered women's center and ask them.
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Just an FYI: its been my observation that the guilty scream the loudest; in other words, the accuser (in this case, your spouse) is the one cheating, and he's deflecting his own guilt by accusing you of doing exactly what he's guilty of.
2006-08-23 05:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally even if I know that I am right I would not be willing to take a lie detector test either. Marriage should be based on trust, something he seems to be lacking. Remind him it is time to stop living in the past, that you love him and you want your relationship to thrive. Ask him what paticular action causes his concern, try to get him to be specific then work on that together either by changing that action ( if needed ) or explaining what that action means as sometimes people see things incorrectly. Good luck trying to build his trust as I know how hard that can be with someone who has been burned in the past.
2006-08-23 12:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by uniroyalfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an insecure, lunatic control freak who is trying to keep you off balance with all this nonsense. Honey, this ain't gonna get better with time...you take one lie detector test, and next week, the same accusations will be flying, and you will have to take another...personally, I think I would tell him I was screwing everyone on the block, loved it, they knew how to do it, and would like him to come watch to get his jollies off and learn something! I would then kick his lying butt out the door...trust me, it is always the accuser who is doing the cheating, thinking the mate is doing the same thing! If he is pulling this rot, it is a diversionary tactic! Been there, done that, have the tee shirt, and the scars. Dump the loser, he will suck you dry, and is already doing it! You know I am right, I know I am right, now DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
2006-08-23 12:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are right!! If there is so little trust that he feels like he needs to do this, then you need to split anyhow! Have you given him any reason to think you are cheating, or is he just insecure? If you are giving him reasons then it might be a different story. I have been insecure at times in my relationship, but thats taking it too far. Its not your fault he has been cheated on before. I think everyone lies about small stuff from time to time, so i dont think thats out of the ordinary either!
2006-08-23 12:41:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No test!!! He has no right to call you a liar. It is the one screaming cheat! that is most likely the cheater, don't give up too much of yourself for this guy, he'll only ask you to give up more and never be satisfied. Either start with some serious marriage counselling or tell him if he doesn't quite being a belligerant !@#hole you're leaving.
2006-08-23 12:40:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO .About 2 years ago I took a lie detector test.I promise to God I was telling the truth.I was asked the same question over and over.I caughed during the test.And they used it as deception.Lie detector test are bull $hit.And if he is accusing you maybe it is a guilty conscious.You might want to look into what he is doing.And if he is not its not fair for you to pay for what has happened to him in the past.
2006-08-23 12:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by faye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Alarms bells are sounding here, honey. You're husband sounds extremely controlling, honey, and you do NOT have to put up with it. I was going to say to humor the man and do it for him, but he's being extremely unreasonable if you can't even have friends. That's a control issue; he's essentially locking you in a prison because of his own insecurities. So no, you're not wrong. I don't care what his past was, he doesn't have the right to treat you that way and you don't have to let him. If he can't handle you having a life outside of him (that's very normal and healthy, BTW....living without friends and whatnot outside of your husband is actually not very healthy and not normal), then that's HIS problem. Dont' let him control you.
2006-08-23 12:43:08 · answer #7 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No wouldn't do a lie detector test. Marriage is part trust. Guess you have lost that.
If you want to push buttons. Tell him you will take the test but so does he. Step back and watch the sparks fly after you say that.
2006-08-23 12:40:47 · answer #8 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should have HIM take the lie detector test. People usually only get overly suspicious when they are guilty themselves. Is this a possibility? Are you home alone at night when he is "working" or at a "business dinner" or home alone on the weekend because of "business trips" or "a weekend with the guys"?
Tell him that you'll take one if he does.
2006-08-23 12:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by Jill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset. But at the same time i understand why he feels like that. Maybe you should take the test, with the condition that he TOO takes the test!
Guilty concience talks...maybe he's the one who's cheated...
2006-08-23 12:41:36 · answer #10 · answered by qtiebabie06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋