My husband and I can't seem to agree on anything financial. We separate everything and are behind because of it. We finally agreed to combine our finances and work together. I have my own personal bank account and we have a joint account. Because of his credit he doesn't have an account. After agreeing to combine everything, he insists on having access to my personal account. I feel that as long as all our money goes into the joint account I should be able to use my account for personal spending. I don't feel he should have to check my personal account. I don't check his wallet! So now that I don't agree to giving him access to my account, he doesn't want to combine things like we had agreeed and we are back at square one. Any advice on how to work this out would be great. If we can't work together we are headed for divorce.
2006-08-23 05:22:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Money can wreck a relationship. In fact, how they spend, save, and account for money is one of the leading sources of disagreements between couples. In almost every study, money ranks as the first or second most argued-about topic for couples and partners.
Communicating about finances isn't just about exchanging numbers and calculating budgets. We all have personalities when it comes to money - spending habits, views on saving and fiscal planning, and sometimes even insecurities about financial standing or history.
You two have taken a few steps toward how you should be in this matter: money is not "yours" or "his" - it's always, always, always "ours". The vast majority of your money should go into the JOINT account and then spent only according to the budget. (More on that budget later.) Then you both should have a personal account.
He doesn't have to have good credit for a personal account. All he needs is money in the bank and a debit card for that account. Then he has his own "money." Both of you should have a little of your own money, but note it should only be "a little" and the amount should be equal. Everything that is not "personal" should be coming out of the joint account.
And the budget. The budget should allow for absolutely everything else - the mortgage, the savings (YOU MUST HAVE SAVINGS), the investments, the college fund for the perhaps yet unborn children, the retirement account (DO THIS NOW), the life insurance, (yes, this too.), the food, utilities and a clothes allowance. Make a budget and then STICK TO IT. Sit down weekly and go over the budget together and pay the bills together.
If it is all out in the open - and you both have the same amount of minimal/modest personal money, then communication will be clear and there is less chance for misunderstandings.
2006-08-23 05:40:40 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel it is fair of your husband to demand access to your personal account. He has an established bad credit history, end of story. If you have been keeping it all separate, and are on the road to combining it - he should be happy with this first step, and not immediately ask for "all or nothing". You are reasonable in exercising caution. Old habits die hard, and some people never learn to be good with money. The more financially responsible partner should take the lead when it comes to finances - otherwise, both people will be in the red sooner or later!
Seems to me that if this issue leads to divorce - then so be it... Financial irresponsibility is very dangerous, and makes family life difficult.
2006-08-23 12:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl, im sure he can get his oun account even if his credit is bad. go to wells fargo and they will give you a free checking account.
about your situation here. gosh i dont know what to say. you are in such a hard spot here.
after i got married i put my husband on my account. and that is the only account we have. everytime he spends something in town he tells me how much and i minus it from the balance. so i keep track of the balance.
you should close your personal account and just keep a joint account. see how that works out. or if you dont want to close your personal then just keep it a 0 dollars.
but in a relationship you should trust one another. both of should be on one account and work on who will keep the balance at all times. tell him everyday how much he can spend. and let him know about how much money needs to be put towards bills. so that he doesnt use that money.
try doing this for at least a month or two and see how things go.
but dont get a divorce over this!!!!!!!!!
that is by far the dumbest thing iv ever heard.
gosh. i really think that both of you adults can work this out. its not hard. tell him what needs to be said and thats it.
keep your marriege. loose the personal account. just keep one account.
2006-08-23 12:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by All4Christ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see his point - if you're agreeing to "combine everything", why do you need a personal account? That's not really combining everything, is it? Nope, its just combining what you want to contribute to the pot. Obviously, you are the one who does not want to "combine everything", so keep it the way it has been - each of you having your separate accounts and contributing to all of the bills. If you have enough to have money in an extra personal acct now, you shouldn't be falling behind in your bills.
2006-08-23 12:31:52 · answer #4 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has proven in the past that he cannot handle money..if he could, he would NOT have a terrible credit history.. I assume that any money that goes into a bank in his name is up for being siezed..that does NOT speak well for his abilities, does it? He is the one who needs to be on an allowance per week. YOU see that all bills are paid, that everything is in order. He should be thankful that he has someone who will take care of things, not argue about them...IF you get a divorce, do it because he is stupid, not because of money.
2006-08-23 12:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He just wants access to your account so he can spend all your money to. Bad idea and good for you for sticking to your guns. Could the two of you go to financial counseling together? He might understand what you are trying to do if he hears it from someone else.
2006-08-23 13:07:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Credit has nothing to do with having a bank savings account.
You have your money that you can save. He has no money but to pay the bills. You can see it.
I think both should have there own accounts. My wife has one and I have one but both names are on them. I don't touch hers and she will not touch my account. If we need to money we talk about it and we share the payments out of both.
Reason our names are on both is in case other is to sick or something worse the other can get to account if needed.
2006-08-23 12:48:55 · answer #7 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is so bad that he cant even get an account, you would be stupid to give him access to yours. Keep your private one private. Tell him to handle his own stuff, and if that doesnt work..he should be divorced.
2006-08-23 12:29:14 · answer #8 · answered by spidermonkeyfingers 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you have a joint account, why do you a seperate account? that doesnt make sense. my husband and i put all our stuff together. why have a personal account? you are making more aggervation for yourself then you need to. just close it and use the one account.
2006-08-23 12:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by mml619 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys could benefit from couseling. They should be able to direct you to financial counseling.
2006-08-23 12:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋