i feel like a fool, should i give last chance?

Question

my spouse has had several affairs, not been emotionally invested in the relationship, stayed out with friends partying for sometimes days at a time, has moved my seven times in a year, and told me that he did not care if his actions hurt me that he would do what he wanted. I stopped caring or loveing him beyond a friend years ago and finally decided that i wanted the same freedom he has. This supposedly miraculously inspired a change in him where "he will do so much better, will pay attention, not go out all the time, etc...
at this point, i am not even sure if i want him to suceed let alone believe that he can actually change. I am not sure if i can love him again. should i give it a chance or get out now?

Answer 1

The fact that he is only willing to change because you changed tells me his change is temporary at best and a lie at worst. If he had decided to change because he felt bad and acknowledged his issues without being forced into a corner that would be different. I think this has gotten to a point where if you give him another chance you are just going to feel like a bigger fool and will have wasted even more of your precious life and love on him.

Answer 2

You really have two options: If you feel that there's something there worth salvaging, then go seek professional help by way of counseling for both of you or if he refuses, for YOURSELF so that you won't have second thoughts afterward. The other option, if you do not want any more of what's going on... leave for once and for all. You can never be with Mr. Right while you're with Mr. Wrong.

Thus far, you've been a willing victim. The minute you take a stand to be his equal he backs down...? For how long? How many times have you forgiven him....? If you enjoy being the victim and complaining about it OR if you enjoy suffering... then don't do a thing and be quiet.

There's no in-between. Either professional counseling or leave but straddling a fence is only going to hurt you where it hurts the most in the long run (yes, double entendre intended).

Answer 3

First off I am really sorry you have had to go through this. Secondly I believe that when you enter into a marriage you have made a promise to you, your husband , and God. I also believe that the only reason you should ever break a divorce is if the other person cheats on you. So either way you are doing nothing wrong. If you feel that you would like to try again with him then you might tell him that the only way that it will happen is if he gets help with his problems. Make sure he knows that you are serious.

Answer 4

sounds like he never really loved you and the fact that you want the same freedom he has now is making him think that he's gonna lose his controll over you. im just wonderin how long you've been in the emotionally abusive relationship? to me i dont think he deserves a chance to make it better you how ever deserve a chance to better yourself and get out of this relationship. besides even though he says hes gonna change he will change enough so you think its better then go back to doing what he was doing before. like you said he doesn't care if he hurts you so why should you care if you hurt him.

Answer 5

Get out now, he only is saying these things coz you are there at home if and when he needs you.......my ex husband was like that showed more interest in everyone else till it was crunch time and he suddenly 'didnt want to lose me' .....but he did because at the end of the day i have what is called self respect, a new partner who i adore and a good life, so dont stay just to be let down again show him the door

Answer 6

If you have children together, who would benefit in any way by him really changing and the two of you staying together, then you should consider it.

But that is the only circumstance I can think of for you to give him a final chance! If you don't have kids, GET OUT and move on to create a good life for yourself that will make you truly happy!

You WILL find someone who can give you all that you're looking for. Good luck.

Answer 7

"my spouse has had several affairs, not been emotionally invested in the relationship, stayed out with friends partying for sometimes days at a time, has moved my seven times in a year, and told me that he did not care if his actions hurt me that he would do what he wanted."

This is NOT a spouse..its a lying cheating a$$hole that has invested NOTHING. Throw him out like yesterdays trash.

WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU??????

WHEN is enough, ENOUGH!????

Get some self respect girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

run run fast and hard.He sees now that you finally grew some stood up to him and you dont need him.All the stuff he told you before was hurtful and wrong and he nly did it to hurt you he thought you would never stand up to him much less leave him.You say yourself you dont love him more than a friend but personally after all that how can u even like as a friend?Since you dont love him like that leave him and find someone you will and let him see just what he lost.He wont change if you stay he will probaly be worse hes trying to get you to stay.He would have changed years ago if he was going to hes set in his ways.

Answer 9

I would get out now. Men don't change, atleast not permanetely. If you have been treated like your just a piece of crap for this long, then sooner or later you'll be treated like that again if you stay with him. Don't do the same things he does though because then it only makes you just as bad. Leave now and then you can do whatever you want and be free.

Answer 10

Consider the facts:

- Once a cheater, always a cheater.
- People don't change
- Talk is cheap
- You don't build your relationship based on promises and good intentions but on actions.

Stick to your guns and leave him. Don't make the same mistake over and over again. Haven't you have enough pain already?

Good luck