I just read one about age differences in marrages,?

Question

And it got me thinking, Why did marrages last longer when there was a age difference like in the old days? I know alot will say the times, but, wouldnt that say that our time now is the one screwed up?

Age differences: older guys, younger girls with more than 10-15yrs diff

Answer 1

I think older men (who are decent, loving, kind and such, not the creepy ones who make a habit of bedding young girls) are good for young women a lot of the time. My ex and I had our problems, but he was ultimately the thing that kept me going. My current partner is 28 years my senior, but we are very much in love, and have a great relationship :)

Answer 2

I wouldn't necessarily say a large age difference is a good thing, especially in our day and age.

In a society where rigid social roles existed, an older man was well-established in his profession and had secure income. It took time to sufficiently learn a craft and become established in one's business, so the older the man was, usually the more able he was to provide for his family.

Meanwhile, the woman's role was relegated (basically) to managing the household, and having and raising children -- something she could learn to do at an early age without years of apprenticeship/training.

Marriage was also viewed a bit differently (as it is in non-Western cultures) -- it's more of a "business" arrangement where two people are committed to establishing a family together. Feelings of passion and love are secondary and enjoyable, but the primary focus is making the relationship stable, and the partners are ultimately committed to that out of responsibility and duty to each other and the kids.

(Since their happiness lies in a "stable" union, they don't sit around as much and daydream about liking someone else more, etc.)

Modern western society is a little different. We have birth control, so women can control how often and when they get pregnant. we can also control family size, meaning the man has less responsibility to draw as much income as he can [although, since people enjoy being wealthy, he'll still try to].

Women also have as good an education and opportunities (idealistically) as men, meaning their financial security is not based on marrying a professionally successful male. I.e., she can feasibly marry someone her own age.

In this sort of environment, what I've seen is that large age gaps actually seem to be more exploitative. Since our relationships are focused more upon personal gratification than upon building a stable family unit, an older man who marries a girl young enough to be his daughter in our culture often has more of a focus on self-gratification, and her inadvertent naivety (age-wise) allows him to dominate her more easily as well as reduce the frequency and effectiveness by which she can challenge him.

[Current blatant example: Look at John Mark Karr, who has kept trying to involve himself in relationships with women where he could dominate due to their young age.]

I think the "screw-up" occurs -- regardless of age -- in environments where people are bent on self-gratification and feeling good about their lives all the time, versus being committed to others and not always trying to alleviate one's inner feelings of emptiness. It's a mind-set thing, not an "age" thing per se.

Answer 3

well your right are day and times are screwed up arent they just look around you.I think honestly marriage lasted longer back then because the woman was supposed to be more or less subserviant to her husband.The man went out and worked the woman stayed home with the kids and what not.You know i really have no idea other than the times have changed and people now a days just jump into marriage not really understanding what marriage really is and what it stands for.

Answer 4

My husband is 12 years older than me (I'm 27, he's 39) I love that he opens doors for me and pulls out my chair at dinner. You can't find that kind of respect with the younger generation. I think that the majority of younger adults were raised to not respect themselves or eachother!

Answer 5

Divorce was not as easy back then as it is now. Women stayed at home and needed a man to take care of her so they settled. That does not mean they were always happy Women can make it on their own now a days.

Answer 6

because times WERE different. Women were not allowed to do anything but raise a family and they needed a man to survive. They were married off early and had 3 or 4 kids by the time they were 20. They didn't go to college, have careers, NOTHING. Theur only purpose was WIFE and MOTHER and families married them off young so they could produce HEALTHY kids for the husband to help him work his farm or blacksmith shop or whatever....

It IS because times were different ...THEY WERE!!!!! Geez......

Answer 7

probably bcos in the old days people just went along with their marriage even if it wasnt working out. These days people are more liberated to do whats right for themselves rather than being misserable for the years they have left! I dont think age has anything to do with it its the relationship and communication.

Answer 8

My husband and I have 10 year age difference, and it works real well for us.

Answer 9

go ask YOURSELF what else may have been different back then. If age is still the only reason you think marriages lasted back then, you need serious help.

Answer 10

The age difference thing worked out well because with the man being so much older the women knew he would die way before her...........gave her something to look forwar to. lol